The Zombie Workout - interview with The Slackmistress
Your Personal Evacuation Plan, collecting the proper gear for your Bug Out Bag, and First Aid Training are only parts of the whole Zombie Squad philosophy of being prepared for anything. A good Physical Fitness plan is also a key component to your survival. After all, you can have all the training and gear in the world, but if you can’t run more than a half a block without weezing and throwing up, you’ll be nothing but a Flesh Twinkie for the undead in a Zombocalypse.
A while back, Blogger The Slackmistress created The Post-Apocalyptic Workout, a blog dedicated to her inspiring journey to transform herself into a finely tuned instrument of survival against the shambling hordes. With the ultimate goal of not ending up on the menu of the walking dead, The Slackmistress is training herself physically and mentally, and she’s sharing her progress through videos, updates, and personal challenges to her readers. She shares her incredible story with Zombie Squad’s favorite whipping boy, Kyle, who interviewed her via email:
What exactly is the “Zombie Workout” or “Post-Apocalyptic Workout” and where did the idea come from?
Literally, this is how it came about:
http://www.zombieworkout.com/2008/03/intermission-fo.html
My husband and I were sitting on the couch on Christmas Day, drinking beer and eating cookies and watching the remake of Romero’s “Dawn of the Dead.” I started to think about Post-Apocalyptic Movies and how most everyone had some sort of skill or plan. When I got right down to it, my plan was “stay put until help arrives” or “scream loudly.”
The workout is to get myself into fighting shape for the zombie revolution and the post-apocalyptic world. Everything from being able to grow food to firearm use to RUNNING FOR MY LIFE. I was thinking of this as a year-long project but jokes aside, this is really a lifelong project. Which can be kind of overwhelming, when I think of it. Which is why it’s broken down into eight-week chunks.
What sort of reaction do you get from your friends and family in regard to this workout plan? Have they started whispering about you or putting more space between you and them? Have you motivated any of them to follow your lead towards getting prepared?
They think I’m crazy. Not Asylum-Crazy, but “isn’t it cute, she’s preparing for the Zombocalypse” ::pat pat::. First of all, my family is a bunch of smartasses, and so are my friends, so I popped out of the womb prepared for razzing. However, most of my family is sort of Post-Apocalypticly Useless (see: http://slackmistress.blip.tv/#700164 ) so THEY WON’T BE LAUGHING WHEN THE ZOMBIES COME, WILL THEY?
Alas, I have not motivated any family, but Internet Friends and Blogreaders have stepped up to the task. Sadly, none of them live nearby so I can’t slack off and then count on them when the proverbial poop hits the fan.
I do tell my husband that I love him, but he’s got a brain and opposable thumbs so I’m saving the dog and he’s on his own. Honest communication: a key to a happy marriage!
What are some of goals and training classes you have planned for your Post-Apocalyptic Workout?
I’ve already taken Basic First Aid and Infant, Child, and Adult CPR at the Red Cross. I’m going to learn lockpicking and firearms during this challenge, and I’ve got growing food, storing food, foraging, water purification, starting a fire sans matches, climbing/buildering, and orienteering. Of course, all of these skills aren’t a do-once-and-you’ve mastered them so even after I’ve learned them, I’ll continue to hone them with practice.
Physically, I’ve been doing a lot of running. I started out not being able to run longer than a minute and now I run 45 minutes a day, three times a week. I’m working on increasing my endurance and some basic muscular endurance and strength training. I’m also trying to pare about 10-15 pounds off my frame to make me a little faster (or to make me look like Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2.)
What has been your favorite part about this training regimen so far?
The people I’ve met and corresponded with have been incredibly generous with their time and knowledge (that includes you Zombie Hunter folks!) If all y’all are representative of who’s going to restart civilization and begin a new society, I’d say let’s get this Apocalypse over and done with already.
It’s also given me a new perspective on personal responsibility and physical fitness. Clearly I’m not a one-woman Post-Apocalyptic Action Hero. I may never be one. But I’m thinking of health and welfare in a broader perspective - more than “wow, I need to lose fifteen pounds to fit my ass into a size 2″ and more “I need to get in shape to be able to outrun something that thinks I’m food.”
Is there anything in particular that you’ve learned during your training journey that surprised you or changed your opinion on the way you felt about something?
Hunting. Mind you, I haven’t done it yet, and I don’t know if I can or could. I wrote about it in a blog post (http://www.zombieworkout.com/2008/01/day-19-hunt-the.html) :
“It’s not the act of killing that scares me. It’s the idea that animals seem innocent. Hapless. Minding their own business. If I knew that Mr. Deer was a jerk who cut people off on the freeway on the way home from his job at the puppy-kicking factory, I’d be picking venison out of my teeth as I type this.”
People wrote about their hunting experiences - compared to how most meat is raised, hunting is way more…kind? Maybe that’s the wrong word. Humane? I eat meat, and even though I search out grassfed and organic and cage free and free range and all that garbage, I don’t think I could pick out my lunch and kill it. I am the first to admit that I am the most annoying kind of dirty hypocrite.
New Zombie Squad members often report that they find themselves spending more time analyzing their surroundings throughout the day to decide how they would survival a zombie out break or other disaster if it happened at that moment, while at the grocery store, work, school, laundry mat, etc. Have you noticed any new found obsession with this since the workout started?
YES. Now I’m 35, so I took Driver’s Ed back in the spring of 1988. They showed us all of these groovy films (yes, FILM!) on driving safety and such, and one of the films was ALWAYS LEAVE AN OUT, meaning always leave yourself an escape route when driving in case a madman comes barreling onto the freeway. Whenever I go somewhere new, I always think “where’s my out?” This is also why I think Buildering - scaling buildings - would be an awesome zombie-evading skill to have, because it gives you “up” as an escape option.
Your blog focuses on your individual development in preparation for the coming zombocalypse. Recent training films have showed us that sometimes working as a team can be more effective than remaining on your own. What steps, if any, have you taken to create a team of like-minded people who can be relied upon in an TEOTWAWKI* situation?
Working as a team is way more effective, I think. I must admit that I have taken no steps, minus putting out the blog. So, um, when the zombies come, I can just give you guys my number, right? Hello?
Your goal of conditioning yourself to be able to run away from zombies is great. Have you also given thought to where you will run and how you will survive once you get there?
Yes! Orienteering, building shelter, foraging, food growing and water purification are all Yet To Come. I also play a MEAN game of charades.
When are you going to start preparing for robots and aliens? We all know those are the real threats to our way of living.
Robots: I already worship at the Altar of my MacBook, so I’m pretty much screwed here. Aliens? There’s an anal probing joke to be made here. Just imagine I made it.
You guys rule, and I promise to stop in more often. I am always in need of people to help me out with the Post-Apocalyptic Workout, so if you’re in the Los Angeles area, look me up!