My Job, My Hell...

[Polley]

We ended up tag teaming her and getting her in cuffs

Please tell me I'm not the only one that caught this.

[Barr]

No, no you weren't.

[Jsimmonsgr]

Wow, I just caught that...... That was a completely unintended double entendre.

[BigDaddyTX]

Wow, I just caught that...... That was a completely unintended double entendre.

More like a double uptendre.
/oaf

[Laager]

Okay, while I do have a few more job related stories, I'd like to toss this one in as what usually happens when I am out and about.......

A friend of mine from way back in High School (who was smart enough to end up in the Air Force) calls me up and tells me he has finished work on his cabin/home up in the hills and needs some help moving his stuff up.

Now Dean is a good guy, a little odd, but a good guy to have at your back when the chips are down. He has this dog......well he calls it a dog, but I'm fairly certain (usually after a few to many alcoholic drinks) that it is some type of previuosly unknown carnivorous mammal or prehistoric dog with huge thumb sized cuspids......it only eats meat.....usually from the rabbits and other animals it chases down and catches. I'm not sure what kind of dog it is supposed to be but that is one hairy assed farking dog....his undercoat has a undercoat......it is so hairy Dean has to shave the darn thing once a month....now I've done some stupid things in my life but no way would I want to shave that things balls......even they have hair...but sure enough it just stands there and the darn thing lets him shave its balls with an electric clipper.

The "dogs" name is Fur.

So back to the story, Dean calls me and asks if I am available to help him move......I ask the wife and she says sure, as long as no one ends up naked in the middle of the Mescalero Apache Reservation. So we set up a time and date, now all there is to do is wait.

Saturday comes along and off we go, most of his stuff is already prepacked, marked as to which room/where it was going to be dropped off and ready to transport up the hill. With my truck and his truck we figure maybe four trips and we will be done.

Last trip of the day, and so far everything has gone really well.........Dean is in a hurry to finish up the moving so he has over packed the back of his truck with boxes.

Me: Man.....I think we should just leave this for tomorrow.

Dean: Nope I got this.......just let me shove it in here, tie it with this and run this over there and put this here.......there got it....

Me: Hmmmm......are you sure.......it doesn't look stable to me.....I've got a tarp underneath the seat, want to use my tarp to cover it?

Dean: No......it looks good to me. Let's hit the road.

Me: Well it don't look good to me. I've got a beer that says it won't make it to the cabin.

Dean: Well its not like you won't see it fall off, since you are following me...and there is nothing breakable in there....just blankets and stuff......just call me on the CB. Oh and your on....I know my knots.

Me: Slip knots maybe....but okay........

Dean: Shut up and lets hit the road....

Off we go........now I'm watching those boxes shift and sway most of the way up the mountain and sure enough we make it up to about the middle of the Reservation and four boxes come flying off the back of his truck.

So I pull over and call him up on the CB.

Me: Man, you owe me a beer, you just lost some boxes come back and help me pick them up.

In fact four boxes fell off.

Dean: Crap! I'm on my way.

He makes a U-Turn and comes back down the hill as I grab a box and walk back up to my truck and put it on the ground, then turn to go back for another box. As I reach the second box I notice him pulling over, getting out and heading towards the third box. Then I see a car slow down, it passes the fourth box, then backs up and a female jumps out of the car, runs over and grabs the box.

Dean: Yells out......Hey thanks for helping......

I should point out that Dean (unlike me) likes to think the best of people and is a glass half full kind of person.

Me: Hmmmm......WTF? She is getting back in her car, with the box.

As they drive by laughing..they swerve the car towards us and then they flip us off......

Me: Well now wasn't that sweet. So Dean any idea what they took?

Dean: I believe they stole a box of Fur's stuff.....

Me: Fur has stuff?

Dean: Well all dogs have stuff.....so I marked the box Fur's.

Dean had a good description of the car and I had the plate number so we called the Cops and ended up getting the stuff back, and for some reason the people were really ticked off at us. I guess there are people out there that don't know the difference between Furs and Fur's.

Lets just say that it turned out that it was not the petty misdemeanor charge that the perps thought it was going to be, but Robbery. It seems that robbery in New Mexico consists of the theft of anything of value from the person of another or from the immediate control of another, by use or threatened use of force or violence. Possible first degree felony because they swerved the car towards us.

Who knew?

Evidently Dean did...

[TheLastRifleMan]

That is hilarious. I needed that after the day I had.

Reminds me of a story my Dad likes to tell. There is a place in the Northern part of the Lower Peninsula of Michigan called Castle rock. I think every state in the union has a place like this. It cost a dime to climb up to a point of a cliff where you can literally see for a hundred miles. Just after my Mom and Dad were married, they took a trip with my Dad's folks up north for a short summer vacation. They stopped at Castle Rock for a rest and the fact my Mom, whose family was very poor when she was growing up and didn't travel much, had never been to Castle Rock.

They paid their dimes, climbed and had a spectacular view. My grandfather had thoughtfully brought a pair of binoculars and was passing them around for everyone to have a good look. When it came to my Dad's turn, he found my granpa's car in the parking lot.

And watched as a man casually open the driver's side door of my grandfather's car, remove a thermos of coffee that had been lying on the seat, get into the car parked next to my grandfather's car and drive off.

He didn't take anything else. Just the thermos. And being as far away as they were, there was nothing they could do but laugh.

Sorry, off topic but funny.

[KnightoftheRoc]

That is hilarious. I needed that after the day I had.

Reminds me of a story my Dad likes to tell. There is a place in the Northern part of the Lower Peninsula of Michigan called Castle rock. I think every state in the union has a place like this. It cost a dime to climb up to a point of a cliff where you can literally see for a hundred miles. Just after my Mom and Dad were married, they took a trip with my Dad's folks up north for a short summer vacation. They stopped at Castle Rock for a rest and the fact my Mom, whose family was very poor when she was growing up and didn't travel much, had never been to Castle Rock.

They paid their dimes, climbed and had a spectacular view. My grandfather had thoughtfully brought a pair of binoculars and was passing them around for everyone to have a good look. When it came to my Dad's turn, he found my granpa's car in the parking lot.

And watched as a man casually open the driver's side door of my grandfather's car, remove a thermos of coffee that had been lying on the seat, get into the car parked next to my grandfather's car and drive off.

He didn't take anything else. Just the thermos. And being as far away as they were, there was nothing they could do but laugh.

Sorry, off topic but funny.

I had something like that happen to me while camping. I had made my debris shelter, and was climbing around the area, which had me ending up on the cliff above my shelter, from which vantage point, I watched a pair of dirt bikes roll up the trail, stop at my shelter, and leave- with an entire carton of cigarettes- ALL the cigarettes I had to last me, besides the few I had on me. From where I was, there was nothing I could do (except maybe leap down on them and teach them the folly of their ways by splattering gore all over them). Learned that day not to make a shelter too close to a trail EVER AGAIN.

[Laager]

Okay, here's a work story......not that I work any more, but my daughter called me and asked me to bring over a burrito from her favorite burrito joint for breakfast.

Now she works for a place that deals with family issues, mainly domestic violence so they have security cameras and lots of left wing anti gun, touchy feely type liberals, so I rarely go over there. Frankly the place just creeps me out, although there are two people that work there that I actually like.....retired military and not anti gun.

So I take her breakfast burrito over and as I walk in I see this guy sitting on one of the large boulders out front. I nod at him and wait for my daughter to open the door (the place is still closed), and I tell her she has a customer sitting outside.

I'm trying to drop the chow and get the heck out before the touchy feely types start showing up, but now I have been shanghaied for a mail run. Touchy feelies are stopping in to stare and say hi as I glance at the camera monitors. I see the guy out front moving around on the rock, he's rocking back and forth and looking around.

The retired Air Force guy comes in to say hi and we both watch the rock sitting guy looking around and then he gets up and starts heading towards the back of the building, holding his stomach, like he has some abdominal pain or cramps. Once he gets there he looks around and then leans his back up against the back wall of the building.

By now there's a crowd watching the monitors.

AF Guy: Wonder what this guy is up to.

Daughter: I don't know, he is not one of our clients.

Boss: Why does he have to be up to something?

Me: Hey can I get the mail so I can get out of here?

AF Guy: Why, are you in a hurry?

Me: I have a bad feeling..........

Assistant Boss: Bad feeling? Why the poor man is just leaning up against the wall, he is not hurting anything.

Me: Sure, that's how it all starts.......

Then the guy starts messing with his pants, drops them down and everyone gets a full frontal view......not that I was impressed or anything, but hey it was a free show.

Boss: Oh my word!! What is he doing?

Assorted other drones: Babble.....babble....babble...

Me: Looks like he's getting ready to take a shit.

AB: You can't be serious....people don't do things like that.

Me: You can't be serious........you deal with some of the scum of the earth here.......I would not put anything past people like that.

Boss: Someone needs to go out and help that poor man....its obvious that he has issues.

Everyone is now looking around at each other.........

Me: Sounds like a job for one of you social worker types....me, I'm just waiting for a letter so I can get out of here. See there he goes......wow that's some nasty shit........must have ate something greasy for breakfast.

As the guy dumps a duece right up against the wall, next to the rear entrance. As we all stand there watching......the takes off his flannel shirt, then removes his semi-white wife beater T-shirt, puts his shirt back on and uses the shirt to wipe his ass, then wipes it again. Then drops the shirt, pulls up his pants and walks off like nothing has happened.

I immediately start laughing..........

Drone: What's so funny? There's nothing funny about someone defecating on our building.

Me: Oh I just was wondering if he was going to wipe his nasty ass or not.....guess that question was ansewered........while he certainly has some issues at least his mother taught him to wipe after he takes a shit......just not where or when it is proper to take a shit.

Daughter: Here's the letter.

Me: Well have a nice day folks.........

Boss: You need to stay, we have to call the police......statements we are going to need some statements

Me: Look, its not like you don't have it all on film, I have things to do....besides the dude is now standing at the front freaking door waiting to get it. Call the cops, open the door, let the moron in and by the time he gets done with his appointment the cops should with any luck be here by then and they can arrest his nasty ass.

Oh and I'd put out some hand cleaner and make him wash his hands......

Junior, I'm outta here.......see you later. AF - see you later on.

I start to leave the office and head out the front doors when the AB yells out that the man isn't a moron and I should not refer to him as such....

Me: Well then what exactly would you call someone that takes a shit in front of a security camera....one that is in plain sight on all four corners of the building as well as the additional cameras you have stationed across the street? Me.....I call them morons or dumbasses........I guess they are your bread and butter.

Out the door I go, nod and smile to the shitter, tip my Infidel ball cap to the security camera and back into my truck I go......another successful mission down and one to go....

After work my daughter stops by to tell me the guy was picked up at the office and initially claimed he never shit out back, in fact he was outraged and humiliated that someone would accuse him of something like that......then they showed him the tape.

One of the touchy feely drones made a big deal out of seeing the guys junk..........and then Junior made a comment that she had seen larger Vienna sausages.

The shitter claimed shrinkage due to the cold outside.......

The touchy feelies told my daughter they did not know how she put up with me......evidently I am a disturbing individual. It seems I harsh one's mellow, and disturb someone else's chakra and my Aura is black and muddied red.......as well as my hat is offensive.......guess they don't like my Come and Take It hat either......oh well.............takes one to know one..........social worker heal thyself!

The cops made him clean it up.........then issued him a ticket.

[Viper shtf]

That's some funny shit.

[Chase The hero]

That's some funny shit.

pun intended?

[Viper shtf]

Of course. Never let an oppretunity to use a pun go to waste.

[TheLastRifleMan]

Funny story, Laager. I wish I could have see the look on his face when they showed him the tape.

Just one thing, though. Some folks might take the term "libs" as being political, which is kind of against the rules. Just sayin'.

[Laager]

Funny story, Laager. I wish I could have see the look on his face when they showed him the tape.

Just one thing, though. Some folks might take the term "libs" as being political, which is kind of against the rules. Just sayin'.

Thanks for the heads up.........I'll keep that in mind.....in fact i'll edit that part out.

Junior said the guy had a "deer in the headlights look" and then when the cop told him to clean it up.....he said with why and with what?

The cop said it belongs to you and he did not know or care, but you are going to clean it up. He ended up using his t-shirt and then had to go on to using his shirt. The custodian would not loan him a bucket or a hose. In fact nothing at all.

The cop sat there until the guy was done, and the office sent someone out to inspect the area and give it their blessing.

The smartest thing the guy did was dig through the dumpster to get some used cups to help him carry water.


Some of the people that work there are real odd............

[silentpoet]

Not really a funny story, but it is the hard part of the job. Found out Saturday morning two former residents passed away Thursday. Also we sent a guy to the hospice house Friday and he died today sometime this morning. He was one I would always help get up in the morning. I would basically have to hug him and pull up the back of his pants.

I still have not heard back on the better paying job at fed ex. I may go back to security work. I am tired of them dying on me. I am really hopeful about the fed ex job but was supposed to hear back last week. I think I did ok on the interview. Job doesn't start till next month so maybe it took them awhile to get all the interviews done. I did call today and left a polite and professional message for one of the people who interviewed me. I feel I did pretty good on the interview and my chances. It is just a bit nerve wracking waiting.

[Laager]

Not really a funny story, but it is the hard part of the job. Found out Saturday morning two former residents passed away Thursday. Also we sent a guy to the hospice house Friday and he died today sometime this morning. He was one I would always help get up in the morning. I would basically have to hug him and pull up the back of his pants.

I still have not heard back on the better paying job at fed ex. I may go back to security work. I am tired of them dying on me. I am really hopeful about the fed ex job but was supposed to hear back last week. I think I did ok on the interview. Job doesn't start till next month so maybe it took them awhile to get all the interviews done. I did call today and left a polite and professional message for one of the people who interviewed me. I feel I did pretty good on the interview and my chances. It is just a bit nerve wracking waiting.

Best wishes on getting the job at Fed Ex...........

[thebigstick]

Not really a funny story, but it is the hard part of the job. Found out Saturday morning two former residents passed away Thursday. Also we sent a guy to the hospice house Friday and he died today sometime this morning. He was one I would always help get up in the morning. I would basically have to hug him and pull up the back of his pants.

yeah I work in the same industry and it hurts when you get attached to the patients and then they pass on you. at least you still keep some of the memories both good and bad that you shared with the folks.

[Laager]

Sometime in January 1982 I somehow managed to get sent off to the Sinai Peninsula and subsequently learned that I have a really strong dislike of the color terracotta, especially when used in conjunction or as a color for a beret, "Ranger" patrol cap or bush hat....although I have to admit that I have always rather preferred to wear a bush hat or patrol cap.....but not in terracotta.

I managed to swing some leave after my six months was up and my friend Dean (who was doing some time TDY or something at Aviano Air Base, in Italy) wanted to meet up and see another High School friend of ours who was in the Navy and due to pull into Naples Italy, so I figured why not and away I went off to Italy.

Dean met me at yhe airport in Rome (and that's another story), then then a few days later we took the train down to Naples to wait for Rick's ship to pull in and we managed to grab a room at Naval Support Activity Naples temp lodging facility.

So we managed to get in touch with Rick, figure out his duty schedule, the Navy has some interesting ideas......duty section on, while one stands by and the other two party like the world's coming to an end.....

On Rick's last night in port, it was an all out drunk fest, in fact we even went down to the Castle (an actual castle with a moat) and checked out the interesting people working in the drained moat. Not my cup of tea, but still, when a Navy Chief tells you not to go there, well you just got to go see what all the hoopla is all about.

Back to the story.........we end up having to drag Rick back to the dock where the navy liberty boats were picking up and dropping people off, mostly picking up since it was close to midnight and it was all we could do to hold him up, while we waited in line.

Who knew that they had two lines.....one for enlisted and one for officers.......probably a sailor, but it seems we were standing in the wrong line, so we had to go over to another line....a much longer line but at least we got to watch the show.

A group of naval officers came staggering up and one of them was really, really, really drunk and loud......at some point in his loud drunken rant he decides that since there is no Liberty launch there to pick them up he was going to swim back to the ship. Now, I'm thinking this is not going to end well.....the ship (an Aircraft carrier) is way......the heck out there....I mean I can barely make out the rigging lights, so it has to be a few miles out in rough water.

Sure enough the next thing we knew over the side he goes, I'm fairly sure he thought or imagined it was going to be a perfect dive, but it turned out to be more of a really nice belly flop.

Dean: Deke....did that guy just jump into the harbor?

Me: Looks that way to me.

Dean: Cool......want to go watch?

Me: What about Rick?

Dean: Leave him on the bench, but put him face down incase he pukes.

Me: Okay....wait up.

So we end up standing on the dock, watching this drunk officer try to swim towards the open ocean, after bumping into the side of someone's boat he finally gets his bearings or lucks into the right direction towards open water as a liberty launch motors up to let off some officers.

Now I will admit that I joined into the ongoing chant to help lend encouragement to the guy planning on swimming out to sea, especially after the liberty launch kept getting in his way. Although Swim! Swim! Swim! was not really inspiring in my book.

He kept trying to dive under the liberty launch, but well it was more like his ass was floating on top of the water as his upper body tried to go under the water.....funnier than hell.....cause his head would pop back up and he would paddle around and then try to dive again and fail.

The enlisted guys on the launch kept trying to talk him into the boat and managed to pin him in between the dock, the shore and a boat that was anchored there......but he kept swimming around in circles and trying to dive.

I think his bow plane was damaged, because he never managed to dive...more like a face down float.

Now there is a huge crowd of sailors (mostly officers) standing around yelling....some wanted him to go for it, others wanted him to get in the launch, I just stood there thinking wow....big difference in officer material between the Army and the Navy.......Officers in the Army would have been booted for something like this....you know all that West Point crap.....at the very least they would have kept the enlisted way away from it.

Eventually I hear a sober officer yelling at some Marine......

Hey Marine.......

Seems he was under the mis-impression that I was in the Corp.....must have been my military bearing and haircut.....

Me: Who me?

Naval Officer: Yes you....I want you to jump in there and subdue him.

Me: Excuse me?

NO: I said jump in there and grab him.

Me: No.

NO: What?

Me: I said No.....in fact Hell no.....that water is nasty as shit and there is no way in hell that I'm getting into that shit.

The water in the harbor was so nasty dead shit floated in it.......garbage, dead rats, cats, dogs (possibly people), shit, piss and only the good Lord knows what else was in there......I'd heard it was like Shit River in the PI. Once you go in, you go directly to the hospital and there you stay for at least a month or more. Getting all kinds of fluids pumped in and out as well as every shot known to man and some that they make up on the spot.

NO: Listen here Marine, I'm giving you a lawful order......

Me: With absolutel no respect you can kiss my farking ass.....I'm not a Marine and even if I was there is no way in hell I'd go in after some drunk assed officer. If you want him out so bad, grab your balls and go in after him.

NO: Looks over at Dean and says...Sailor....

Dean: I ain't no squid and don't even bother asking.....I don't get paid enough to go into shit like that......

The Navy officer gives us a nasty look then up and yells over to one of the Navy launch operators, he tries to get him to jump in.......that did not happen either.

But the Sailor did manage to get in the launch and grabbed a really long pole and then knocked the living shit out of the officer until he was actually floating face down in the harbor.....at this point I figured he was dead in the water.....or at least breathing water casue he was not attempting to dive or swim away.

They hooked him with a gaff and pulled him to the launch, then pulled him up into the launch then took off towards the Aircraft carrier (at least I believe they did, the launch went out to sea).

Show over and we head back to get Rick.......who is now covered in vomit.....although still breathing.

So we drag him up to the next enlisted launch and try to hand him over to the guys operating the launch.

That was a No Go.....they told us to put him on the launch, so as we were getting him settled in the launch takes off.

Me: Dean.....does the Navy still shanghai people?

Dean: I don't think so.....but I hear the food is pretty good.

Me: You heard that from me.....dick head..........

Dean: So I did......oh well, maybe we can just drop him on the dock and get a ride back.

Me: Or not.....

So we had a nice 30 minute or so ride out to the ship........then they pull up to some kind of floating dock.

Dean: Wow I thought we might have to go up a Jacob's Ladder..........now that's a real let down......

I should point out that Dean was a Pararescueman in the Air Force and liked to hang off ropes and stuff.

Me: Really.....a farking Jacob's ladder? No farking way would these drunken squids getting up a Jacob's ladder......more like they need a farking elevator....maybe an escalator.Truth be told I was thinking maybe it was one of those rope nets they used in WWII....now that would have been interesting.

So we ask the coxswain or cox (okay maybe I pronounced it Cockswain or Cocks) what we were supposed to do with Rick, he told us to take him up the ladder. So we grabbed him and up we went. Must be a Navy thing.....they like to give you nasty looks when you attempt to point out that you are not in the Navy and that you might possibly not really be authorized to be there.

Now this is not something covered in 11B AIT but it seems that you cannot just walk on and off a ship as you would enter and leave your barracks. You must follow certain Navy type procedures.

We get closer to the top of the gangway, we can see the sailors doing a little facing movement and throwing out a salute towards the rear of the ship and as we get closer I see an officer standing there with a brassard that has the letters OOD on it and hear them asking for permission to come aboard. (I'm thinking Officer Of the Day, but it seems it stands for Officer Of the Deck)

For those of you that do not know it is supposed to go something like this: You halt at the gangway, face aft, and salute the ensign. You then turn to the OOD and salute. If you are returning to your own ship, you say, “I request permission to come aboard, sir/ma’am.”The OOD returns both salutes and says, “Come aboard”. I guess if you are trying to get onto someone else's ship there is a whole different thing that goes on......Who knew? Certainly not an Army NCO and an Air Force NCO.

I'd like to think that I managed to pull off a passable salute as well as one towards the OOD and managed to mumble out the request to come aboard, Sir.

Dean: Sir, we need to.....

OOD: Keep moving sailor, you're clogging up the gangway.......

Dean: Sir....

OOD: Move out or I'll see you at Captain's Mast.

At the time I was guessing Captain's Mast dealt with Article 15's or Office Hours.....found out later I was right.

Dean: Yes Sir.

OOD: That's Aye, Aye, Sir!

Dean and me: Aye, Aye, SIR!! and away we went. I am not real sure how long we wandered around that huge assed ship, all we knew was that Rick was an AK4 and worked with Airplanes. But we finally found the section of the ship that the Airdales (it was a fun learning experience....lots of new words and sayings, although a little painful.....never ever step up when going through a hatch.......) bunked in. Once we found them, we managed to get directions to his berthing compartment (sleeping quarters) we then managed to get him to his bunk (we left him in his puke covered clothes) and then started to look for the way off the darn ship. I did ask a Petty Officer if that was Berthing with an "e" or Birthing with an "i".....

I was betting they would set sail before we could figure out where the heck it was that we got on.....but we did manage to make our way back, and grab some chow at the main mess hall as well as the one up front where they served burgers.

I do like Bug Juice......

Getting off was not was easy as getting on......the Navy (and the Marines) were not happy that we did not have the proper passes and then for some reason they were really unhappy that we were not even in the Navy.

Eventually they let us go........but the Master Chief petty officer (Boatswain's mate, I liked the little whistle) that showed up, not in a good mood, decided that it might just be a good idea not to rock the boat so to speak and away we went. Although I am not sure he liked the term we were shanghaied.....the guys on the Liberty launch that took us back did not look real happy to have us on board (we were the only ones on the Liberty launch other than the crew and a couple of Marines in uniform with weapons) it was a long quiet ride back.

[Trident]

Ah,,, another fun day at work.
I teach at a rural school and just as I was lining up the class to head out to the buses at the end of the day I hear a rushing water noise.
And a gush of water came out of the little girls restroom, into the hallway and into my classroom with toilet paper and floating poop!
Acwk.....I yell at the class to go outside the door and stop stomping in the ever widend and deepening puddle of water.
I run to the restroom, determine which toilet is overflowing and and cannot get the handle to work.
I run back into the classroom, yell at the kids to stop stomping on the water and to get out of the room AGAIN!
Call the maintanence deptartment, yell at the class again to leave, grab the broom and start sweeping the ever deeping water out the door.
Five minutes later the janitor comes in and say "Holy Crap!" He runs out and returns about ten minutes later with a huge water suctioning machine.
I have now been sweeping poop water out the door.
At one point it was up to my ankles.
He estimates that the machine sucked up at least 100 gallons of water.
The toilet stops its outpouring of fluide about five minutes after the janitor started to use the suction machine.
my feet are soaked.
I line up the class and walk them to their buses.
I come back, help the janitor set up fans, toss about 20 poo wet books into the garbage, we tip the furniture that got soaked up on the tables and I bleach spray them.
I toss my shoes into the garbarge.
I washed my feet in Simple Green, then sprayed them with bleach/water combo and douse them with hand sanitizer.
Then I trudge out to the parking lot and get my spare set of tennis shoes to put on.
And...then I had to go to a staff meeting.
Talk about a crappy ending to a crappy day at school.

[Laager]

Please tell me it was an elementary class and not a High School one........good story.....I had to chuckle for a couple of minutes........

[Viper shtf]

More funny shit!

[Laager]

Some things that I learned to watch out for, not only in the military but in the civilian world as well:

"I learned this in Boot Camp..." or insert just about any classroom course
"Trust me, sir..." or Sergeant
"Based on my experience..."
"I was just thinking..."


My usual response: "Watch this shit..."

[Laager]

I did some time over in Okinawa some years back, as a civilian (Lil was active duty AF) and I worked at a depot level maintenance area......in the warehouse. We worked what was known as a 5, 4, 9.....five days one week, four days the next with 9 hour work days. Friday was a really nice day to work (only hours), half the depot was off, for instance the warehouse had a cew of seven.....thankfully the supervisor worked the opposite Friday, so we only had three people.

Now I did like the warehouse supervisor, for a retired AF type he was pretty straight up and had your back when you needed it. The next level supervisor was also retired AF, but he was a worthless POS.

Someone had some money to spend and decided to redo the warehouse floor, frankly I liked the battleship grey paint that was already there, but hey its not like I was in charge or really gave a crap. So they spent some big $$ to have some high tech floor sealant stuff sprayed in.

So we had to move all of our stuff from one side of the warehouse to the other, then once the floor dried we moved everything to the other side and then put the stuff back once the entire floor was done.

Now the entire process was supposed to take about a month, but well when dealing with gov contractors time frames have a way of being fluid or flexible.

People started complaining about the smell of the chemicals and all the years of assorted paint and other crap that was sandblasted up off of the floor. Headaches and other issues. They complained to the Military Public Health office as well as the Bio-environmental office as well. In fact some of the office pogues were taking lots of sick time and half days (sick time) because of the smell.

Both of which said that the chemicals were perfectly safe, nothing to worry about, move along......

The Japanese crew that was sweeping and spraying the chemicals had this guy that must have been in the Russo-Japanese War as a private....all he did every day, all day was push a broom or lean on it.

So here comes one of my normal 8 hour Fridays..............and it is almost time for me to start locking up the warehouse and chasing out all the warehouse crew as well as the Japanese work crew.

We had four secure vaults for our super secret aircraft black boxes that had to be signed off as locked up tight, so to save a trip I usually went up and hit the latrine first, stopped in to say Hi to some of the office pogues up front and then would come back into the warehouse, secure the door, sign off on the vaults, then chase out the people. Roll down the roll up doors and generally secure the place and go home.

So on this Friday, I head up to hit the latrine and notice that the old guy is sitting propped up on one of our parts carts. As I get closer I get a real good look at this guy and a little voice in my head starts shouting.....oh shit....that guy is dead....dead as a farking door knob. I stop and take a closer look and ask the Japanese foreman if he was okay.

The foreman told me that he was fine and that he had drank way to much saké.

I told him, saké my ass I think he is dead.

Oh no says the foreman, he is fine just way to much saké.

So since we were told not to bother or interact with the Japanese workers I said okay.....to much saké it is and headed up to the office, with a stop off at the latrine. While in the latrine doing my business, I decided that it might be a really good idea to stop in and talk to Anna, just to let her know what was going on in the warehouse and to make sure that someone up front knew that I was going in to talk to Roger. Not that she had any pull or anything, but she did not have much use for Roger and could be counted on in a pinch.

I then went over to Roger's office and knocked on his door, I figured this was not going to end well, nope not at all.

Roger: What do you want?

Me: There's a dead Japanese guy in the warehouse.

Roger: What the heck are you talking about?

Me: One of the workers is dead.

Roger: Are you messing with me? What did the foreman say?

Me: No Roger I'm not farking messing with you, the guy is dead, dead as a farking door knob. The foreman said he had to much saké and was just resting.

Roger: Well then, there you go, nothing for us to worry about.

Me: Roger......what part of farking dead as a door knob don't you understand. I'm telling you we have a dead Japanese guy in our warehouse.

Roger: What makes you so sure the guy is dead, his boss says he is fine, just nursing a hang over...why the hell do you always have to fuck with me....its a fucking Friday for Christ's sake. Get the hell out of my office.

Me: Roger, trust me on this......I know dead, in fact I've seen it up close and personal and that guy is farking dead.......no doubt in my once military mind.

Roger: Get out......

Me: Fine.......have it your way....but I'm telling you again he is dead. He was not known as Roger the Dodger for nothing.........

So back to the warehouse I go, I decide to swing by the dead guy for one more look and to tell the other warehouse workers to pack it in (a whole 15 mintues early) and sure enough he was still dead as a door knob. Yet the Japanese foreman kept telling me he was fine, just hung over. So I said to heck with this shit, I'm getting the hell out of here and so I went about securing the warehouse and getting my parts cart back.

I watched them drag him to their truck, and all I kept thinking was...that dude is dead......no farking way is he alive.......saké my ass.

Once they off loaded him into the truck and I locked the warehouse personnel door, I jumped on my bike and got the hell out of there....went straight home.
Told Junior and the boy that the phone was off limits, they were not to answer it, then I called Lil and asked her when she was coming home. In fact she was on her way out the door, so I went to the fridge and grabbed a cold beer, then grabbed the bottle of Patrón Tequila and a shot glass and had a shot and a beer. I tried to call the warehouse supervisor, but he did not answer his home phone. I tried three times to get ahold of him, then decided to let it ride.

Lil came home and I told her what happened and that for the remainder of the weekend I was not going to be available....in fact I thought it was a good idea to load up the bike and head north to Okuma for the weekend. We left the next morning.

When I got back Sunday the answering machine was blinking, so I ignored it and called it a night....when I hit the compund (depot) gate on Monday morning there was a shit pot full of Security Police an JPs (Japanese Police) and unless you were mission essential the place was closed. I asked the SP what was going on and he said it was none of my business and then said if I was not mission essential I had to go home.

I was going to argue the point, but felt that there was a huge difference between mission essential and Key personnel (I was classified as key personnel), so I went home. At about 9.30 my boss came by to find out where I was and to let me know that some guy had died in the warehouse on Friday.

Apparently it was a now a huge international problem.........and now Public Health and Bio-environmental were crawling all over the place as well as the JPs and SPs. Funny how a dead Japanese guy all of a sudden gets them all fired up and motivated, half a dozen American civilians complaining of headaches and other problems and its go back to work, nothing to worry about.

I said oh...........so the broom pusher has pushed his last broom.....after that I had to tell the story to my boss, then to the depot boss and then to the big boss at the depot at Hill, then to the Post commander (or Base commander since it was an AF base). Oh and they wanted to know why I did not let someone know.....oh but I did.....

It took almost a month for the JPs and the other clowns to finish up their assorted reports on who or what was at fault. The depot supervisor was not very happy to loose his warehouse and of course they secured the place until the Japanese and Americans had all of the chemicals in the warehouse sent off for independent lab testing. The JPs also wanted complete access to our vaults and it was generally not a good time to be management, although there was some free down time for the warehouse rats and office pogues up front.

What chaps my hide to this day is the Japanese workers knew this guy was farking dead, they just waited till they hit the gate to pull over and call the JPs and of course the ambulance.

His family (the dead guy) would show up on the anniversary of his death to conduct a religious ceremony in the warehouse, we were not invited and had the afternoon off on that day.

Let's just say that Roger was moved to a job that had a lot less supervisory challenges.

and I remained a disgruntled employee until we left..........

[Viper shtf]

That's fucking crazy.

[MasterMaker]

Laager, if you wrote a book, it would sell!