How did you get your significant other on board?

[Blitzen2k5]

This could be a long read folks with plenty of "she said" and "I said" stuff, so please feel free to grab a drink, a snack, use the bathroom... Ready? Ok lets get started shall we.

First a bit about myself and my wife. We have a great relationship. Married for 15 years. One thing that makes us work so good together is we let each other do our own thing. Only rarely does one of us stick our nose into the other's business. She has her arcade style games. I have my full on RPG, FPS, and MMOs. She has her american idol and dancing with the stars. I have my mythbusters and ghost adventures. She has her romance novels. I have.... well everything else.

Our money is real simple too. She handles all of it. I just give her my check every two weeks and she gives me an allowance. I know some are thinking "p-whipped" at this point but that aint the case. See I am a man, so I am stupid about money. She, on the other hand, can and does save a lot of money for our trips to disneyworld, back to her home in the philippines, and even the trip we took to Chicago month before last. Also tons of good electronics and other toys to make a man like me go into seizures.

One other thing you, the reader (who prolly feels like I am building this up for a boring letdown) should know. My wife is very fatalistic. This means she tends to deal with problems as they come up. Doesnt matter how many times something might happen she doesnt take precautions. So prepping is out of her mindset. Once she makes her mind up about something, you would have better luck changing a tire with a toothpick and chewing gum then changing her mind. This is a woman that literally believes Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Blair Witch Project are real because the movies said so. Even with 100% proof against it she is still set. I know TCM was loosely based on reality but not to her. She believe there is a chainsaw wielding family of cannibals living in Texas. Needless to say Texas is not on our list for any trips we might take. Ok on with the story...

I started really prepping a few weeks ago. I had told her many times before of my plans in detail, but she pretty much ignored it for the most part. But last week I got a rather large shipment of gear in the mail I had ordered with my weekly allowances. I got home from work and commenced to get everything together, tested (ok "played with" I admit it), checked off the list, and packed away. She comes home from work and sees me sitting in the middle of the living room surrounded by open boxes and tons of survival gear. Her first words pretty much sum up her attitude about this subject. "What the hell are you dreaming up now?" I explained to her this was bug out gear. And her answer "What is 'bug out gear'?" I knew at this point it was going to be a long evening. She knows I buy a lot of can foods in case of power outages or being trapped from blizzards and have a bag with food and water by the door just in case we have to leave. But this was completely beyond her. To her, if something like a disaster situation presents itself, then we will deal with it then. But I answered her anyway. "This is just in case we leave the city in a hurry because of a disaster." And of course in true fashion her reply was "Why should we leave?" I will save you readers from the rest of this conversation. Just imagine yours truly talking to a wall... So she left me to my work and wandered off to change and play Bejeweled or watch some Dancing with the Idol of Big Brother or whatever.

A few days later we are eating dinner and she pipes in with "So what is that all for again?" I was confused but she continued "Why do we need a machete or a compass?" Of course I am thinking "Ok here we go!" But we dont really fight or argue. Its more like really intense discussions. So I tried once again to explain it all. Finally I got a light bulb. She knows about tornados. We almost got hit by a few the past few years. So I said "Hey think about it like this. If we ever have a tornado again I can throw one of these bug out bags in the bathroom (center of the house) and we have things we might need should we be trapped or have to wait for rescue." With that she was ok. But the bug out argument still wasnt over. Since then she has been bugging me about bugging out. Wanting to know just what circumstances would lead us to need to leave. I remind her of the typhoon we had to bug out for in her home country. And that quiets her down. But she still cant grasp this simple concept. I did make one mistake. At one point I was listing all the reasons might have to bug out. In a typical Blitz long winded rant (I know its surprising I can drone on about some useless topic huh?) I ended the list with "zombie apocalypse or alien invasion".... Yah I lost her at that point. Pretty much screwed the pooch on that one. I finally ended that with "I just tacked aliens and zombies on because you got my ass about this!"

At this point I am stuck waiting for a disaster we would need to bug out for to get her to understand. Which is usually how it plays out in my house. I get an idea to prep for something and until that something comes along she looks at me like the "special" kid on the playground. Like after we got an ice storm and dang near ran out of food. So I bought a large supply of canned foods and camp stove. I stored them in the closet. For the next year I was Timmy from South Park to her. That was until we got a blizzard that trappedus for a few days and we used said supplies. Everything good at that point. But now this is a whole new kettle of fish for her.

So ladies and gentlemen... What did you do to get your significant other to jump on board? What mystical potion did you make them drink or plausible excuse did you give to make them at least understand it?

All that reading for one question right?
Blitz

[Tater Raider]

http://zombiehunters.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=100&t=92740

[Jeriah]

Next time you guys are driving somewhere, and she gets out of the car to use the bathroom or something, drive away, yelling out the window as you go, "You've got your Get Home Bag on you, right?"

[RachelBB]

I'm a big bug in person myself, but it's hard to argue with a house fire. Ya kinda HAVE to leave the house for that one. Maybe not the entire city, but the concept is the same.

[Ye Olde Spook]

Were you guys around for the Oklahoma City federal building bombing? I would start with that as a pretty darn good close to home example of BAD things do happen. What if she worked there, or next door even? What if the bomb was bigger, or dirty, or God forbid if that was a suitcase nuclear bomb?! If you guys were not around for the bombing, ask around and see what friends/family thought about the situation. My $0.02

Best,

Ye Olde Spook.

[Blitzen2k5]

Were you guys around for the Oklahoma City federal building bombing? I would start with that as a pretty darn good close to home example of BAD things do happen. What if she worked there, or next door even? What if the bomb was bigger, or dirty, or God forbid if that was a suitcase nuclear bomb?! If you guys were not around for the bombing, ask around and see what friends/family thought about the situation. My $0.02

Best,

Ye Olde Spook.

I was there. She wasnt. I was just a block away when it went off. I have showed her videos though its hard for me to see them. I am hoping through time she will understand. Next blizzard, tornado warning, etc I know she will understand then.

Blitz

[duodecima]

I married a guy from a rural farm-type family? To be fair, this is my hobby, as far as he's concerned, altho "amused tolerance" may not strictly be the same as "on board," it works out just fine. He sees this as useful in unlikely emergencies, but it doesn't bug him - it sounds like it does bug your wife. You'd have a better idea why this bugs her than we do. If you don't, maybe asking nonjudgementally, how do you feel about this and following from there might bring it out. I know nothing of phillipino culture but I know that there are cultures where preparing for certain events brings Very Bad Luck.

Bug out bags can also be stocked to be good for, o snot a family member has died or is in hospital and we must run to the airport right now! Grab one set "nice" clothes for funeral, pick up bag, leave house. Husband thinks it'd be good to go camping (car camping aka glamping, but still) with kids as a good wholesome family activity = camping stuff. She's the money spouse (as am I, since I like to do that stuff and husband doesn't) have you used the insurance analogy? I'm paying notable money every single month for life insurance and disability insurance I hope to god I never need - does her fatalism extend to not having insurance?

But it sounds like you two have gone your own ways on many things before, without it appearing to bother either of you. You're spending your own allowance on it, (like I am). Why is this one difference bugging her, now?

[by-the-throat]

I have great success as an "evangelical" prepper-even some of my casual acquaintences are prepping now.

FYI, I think the scare tactics might make people rush out to stock up on food and ammo but they won't learn anything or change their mindset.

Fundamentally, I have had good luck building my group for 2 reasons: my balls-to-the-wall charisma score, and the fact that I play up the fun aspects and make it fun. We did our first MBO with canned fruit and rusty WWII canteens and freaking Mosin Nagants and had a blast with it and it has snowballed from there.

That said, I come from a majorly "Us vs. Every Other Motherfucker" type of subculture. That has some bearing with regard to who gets on board and how fast. With some of the people that are not in group but that are prepping, I had great success presenting it as no big deal, just a sensible policy like fire insurance. I don't talk about zombies with them, I talk about tornadoes.

Your spouse \ SO is going to be a bit different as well, but remember that most people love spending time with their mates, as long as their mate isn't being a wannabe rambo hardcased douche about what they are doing. Don't "Teach her to shoot," take a class together. Don't "Take her on field maneuvers" but go camping together. And conversely, don't send her off to take canning and gardening classes and refuse to help out or learn as well. Prepping should be something you do together, especially during the initial phases. Even if you never say the word "Apocalypse" you two can gain a lot of useful apocalyptic skills via typical hobbyist stuff.

Hope this has been helpful. Like I said, I've had a lot of success in this area so I know a bit about what works.

[Blitzen2k5]

I married a guy from a rural farm-type family? To be fair, this is my hobby, as far as he's concerned, altho "amused tolerance" may not strictly be the same as "on board," it works out just fine. He sees this as useful in unlikely emergencies, but it doesn't bug him - it sounds like it does bug your wife. You'd have a better idea why this bugs her than we do. If you don't, maybe asking nonjudgementally, how do you feel about this and following from there might bring it out. I know nothing of phillipino culture but I know that there are cultures where preparing for certain events brings Very Bad Luck.

Bug out bags can also be stocked to be good for, o snot a family member has died or is in hospital and we must run to the airport right now! Grab one set "nice" clothes for funeral, pick up bag, leave house. Husband thinks it'd be good to go camping (car camping aka glamping, but still) with kids as a good wholesome family activity = camping stuff. She's the money spouse (as am I, since I like to do that stuff and husband doesn't) have you used the insurance analogy? I'm paying notable money every single month for life insurance and disability insurance I hope to god I never need - does her fatalism extend to not having insurance?

But it sounds like you two have gone your own ways on many things before, without it appearing to bother either of you. You're spending your own allowance on it, (like I am). Why is this one difference bugging her, now?

You just hit the nail on the head. I finally figured it out thanks to you. Thank you very much. Its superstition. My wife is very superstitious. When our daughter was born, for the first year my wife put a bracelet on her everywhere they went. The reason why? So the wakwaks wouldnt get her. She truly believes in these things. A sort of philipino witch that supposedly comes out and takes little babies. They are led to the baby by people commenting on the baby. "Oh what a lovely baby!" will make a wakwak come for the baby. But by putting a bracelet on the baby people will comment on the bracelet but mean the baby. "Oh what a lovely bracelet!". This way it tricks the wakwak. Another thing she would do is hang a small stick on the corner of every window in the house. Because it stops a wakwak from coming in apparently. Lets look at this logic shall we? We had a 7' tall wall around our house with broken glass bottles cemented into the top. There were iron bars on the windows. And very thick glass. So thick if you dropped a window the frame would break but not the glass. So her logic is that a wakwak can get past the broken glass, through the iron bars, and past the thick glass windows but that little bit of wood stops them cold.

And this extends into things like prepping. When I brought medical insurance home she was happy. Because she saw one of the bills I got from a doctor after a knee surgery I had. $275k but insurance paid it. So medical insurance she was happy about. But when I showed her the life insurance I got through my job... "What you want us die?" That is why she is acting this way. Now I see it. She is scared that by prepping for a disaster then a disaster will come. I can sort this out now. Just have to show her its like putting up sticks in the corner of the windows. That is a prep too. A prep for a mythical creature sure but still a prep.

I cant believe I didnt see that before. Must be because I am used to it so much I dont see it anymore. I am more and more happy I joined ZS everyday. Thanks again. I will let everyone know in this thread how our next discussion turns out.

Blitz

[Zombie309]

Had a couple things work for me. The movie "The Road", the book "One Second After" and we had a brutal freeze here in El Paso last year and when she saw how quickly Wal-Mart emptied of everything she jumped on board quick.

[DJH]

Mine grew up on a farm, and her parents live off-grid and are self sufficient. She was already on board. lol

[Dawgboy]

I changed Significant Others... The last one thought I was nuts, and the fresh one agrees that people are insane and it will only get worse in a disaster, so she likes that I spend time and effort making sure our "nucular" family has what it needs to get by in tough times.

All it really took for her to get fully onboard was a Natural disasters class at San Diego State University, and my insisting that she read the great book below:

http://www.amazon.com/Dangerous-Place-Californias-Unsettling-Fate/dp/0142003832

[bae]

I married a nice lass from a rural ranching family, who had plenty of contact with her grandparents who lived through the Great Depression.

She's constantly saying things like "don't we need an oxy welder?" and "if you built another garage, we'd have room for another truck..."

[DJH]

She's constantly saying things like "don't we need an oxy welder?" and "if you built another garage, we'd have room for another truck..."

Damn, and I thought it was sexy when mine said "just shave it." in response to a busted door handle on my Civic.

[Caenus]

My wife recently got into extreme couponing. That makes prepping fun for her. Now the garage looks like a supermarket...

Some recent deals:
10 - 32 oz bottles of laundry detergent $.90 each
48 jars of baby food $6
4 - Cottonelle 12 pack of double rolls $2 each
30 cans progresso soup $.50 each

Our chest freezer is packed full of pork chops, ribeye, chicken and vegetables. If bad things happened, I have enough fuel for the generator to run it for a week to keep the freezer at temp. The grill will probably be going non-stop. Once the genny dies, then it's time to donate ribeye to the neighbors.

The list goes on. In the last two weeks our 3 mos of food/sundry preps have tripled. Yesterday she spent $30 at CVS and got $180 worth of shampoo, deodorant and bar soap. It takes a lot...A LOT of time and you cannot have brand loyalty.

She has always been into outdoorsy stuff (fishing, hunting, camping) but other than MRE's and a few extra things I'd pick up at the store, our food preps were slim...basically two months of MRE's and the odds and ends canned food. By the end of the month we should be up to a years worth of non perishables. So far, we've spent less than $400 to acquire 6 additional months of food, toilet paper, cleaning products, water and baby supplies.

Bottom line...it's fun for her.

[SteelWolf]

It took a while actually. It was a culmination of events as well.

1. During the latest budget crisis (the one where we borrowed another... 2.1 trillion and had our credit rating downgraded for the first time in history?), both my wife & I had our MILITARY pay checks delayed on 3 occasions. Its bad when that happens. Pay eventually came in - nearly 2 weeks late on one occasion. Had to liquidate some PM's then. That sucked.
2. We had a nasty snap freeze a while back (yes, I am aware that 14 degrees is nothing to many people, but for a bunch of weenie desert rats it SUCKED). Our natural gas provider DID NOT THINK AHEAD when given the opportunity to purchase surplus gas, they said NO. Well, we went from 80 degrees to 14 degrees over night. Many areas in south-east Tucson lost gas. Because it RARELY gets below 30 here, our pipes aren't ever protected - they are just hang in out outside the garage. So, we lost gas (which meant Heat, Fireplace, Hot Water AND our stove). Our pipes also froze and burst. This event had literally no warning. Something like... 45,000 people's houses and businesses had pipes burst that night. The factory I was working at at the time had its fire suppression system bust. That sucked. It was resolved in a few days, but that was one COLD ASS NIGHT!!! Luckily, I had plenty of water stockpiled, and I had several alternatives to cook with at the time. Our volcano 2 fed us for 3 days. We didn't have to resort to our food storage too bad, we just made soups and stuff. We did still have MH lasagna one night just to try, which my wife loved. (Being Military as well, she thought it would be like an MRE. Not so, its goooooooooood stuff.)
3. Watching the Eurozone crash, and wondering when the $USD will.
4. DOOMSDAY PREPPERS. "I guess you aren't so crazy after all, hon." Yep, that show helped a lot. After that show, she wasn't so intimidated by all of my preps. In fact, she insists we buy more. LOTS more.

Add all that, and she finally came on board THIS YEAR. Luckily I had been prepping for YEARS before we met. It is nice to have her in the loop. Plus the added income she offers for preps. She doesn't whine when I buy ammo or food or whatever anymore. Because she grew up on a farm in Virginia, she has started a nice garden in the back yard. She is looking forward to canning up all the carrots, onions, potatoes, tomatoes, peppers and strawberries this year. After she got into a bad wreck and totaled her little honda (not her fault), we bought a big 4x4 Nissan Pathfinder, which when added to my k5 we now have a nice bugout fleet. Being a big dude, I LOVE the pathfinder. It passed the full battle rattle test COMFORTABLY.

Like many others here, it just took making it a mutual goal, and having fun doing it. She always liked to go shooting with me and the rest of the MAG guys & gals, but she DEFINITELY takes it way more seriously now. Now SHE is the one asking for gift cards to Cabelas, Cheaper than Dirt, Emergency Essentials and the like. We have now started going "camping" (aka Bugout Training) with the group regularly, to practice using the preps. Next weekend we set up the new tent, and get to use Cast Iron for the first time! SHould be fun. Also will be testing the Katadyn Basecamp.

[Blitzen2k5]

I got her on board. And on board like crazy. I just had to change the wording when I would tell why I was doing things. Intead of saying "Its for when a disaster happens" I now say "Its just in case we have a disaster"

So for some odd reason she got it now. I really think its from her upbringing. You dont test fate in her culture. By saying something bad will happen then it will happen. At least in her mind. So it wasnt that she didnt understand. She was upset because she felt I was testing fate. Now I say "In case of" or "The possibility" and she is on board.

Since she used to be a nurse in her country, the first thing she did was grab my FAK I had set up and tore it apart. "Nope this wont work." and "Why this? You think I am going to use this crap?" and so on. So good on her.

And she also asked about her backpack and put it on then gave her "not so nice" critique. "I dont like the way it carries. You will get a better one later."

LOL

[fisterkev]

I didn't. All of the hurricanes here in the last few years did. That and the neighborhood going to crap before our very eyes.

She doesn't bat an eye anymore when I order a few cases of food or buy a new firearm.

[duodecima]

I got her on board. And on board like crazy. I just had to change the wording when I would tell why I was doing things. Intead of saying "Its for when a disaster happens" I now say "Its just in case we have a disaster"

So for some odd reason she got it now. I really think its from her upbringing. You dont test fate in her culture. By saying something bad will happen then it will happen. At least in her mind. So it wasnt that she didnt understand. She was upset because she felt I was testing fate. Now I say "In case of" or "The possibility" and she is on board.

Since she used to be a nurse in her country, the first thing she did was grab my FAK I had set up and tore it apart. "Nope this wont work." and "Why this? You think I am going to use this crap?" and so on. So good on her.

And she also asked about her backpack and put it on then gave her "not so nice" critique. "I dont like the way it carries. You will get a better one later."

LOL

Fantastic!!!

[TripleThreat]

Good luck to all

[Black November]

I've been a prepper since long before we met, she knew what she was getting into. Tommorrow is our 5 year annivesary, and I can say that the key to a successfull marriage is respecting each others differences and working through your problems. Don't try to force spouses to get on board, they will come around eventually.

P.s. Marriage is a give-and-take. She doesn't give me a hard time about prepping, and I put up with her cranky 16 year old siamese cat.

[rsnurkle]

TripleThread, I agreed with your indirect implication that people who respect each other fundamentally will work well together. But then you said something else ridiculous and narrow-minded and I had the urge to facepalm and repeatedly hit things with a baseball bat to express how I feel you hold an erroneous belief about women that will prevent you from having fulfilling relationships in the long run. Although who knows, maybe you have actually encountered only petty, small-minded women and successfully developed this survival strategy.

"Be a winner and she'll deal with whatever you're interested in" is terrible, terrible advice, because if you are committing to a spouse/ZPAW partner who chose you only because you were a "winner" to them at some point in time instead of choosing someone who you share core values and life goals with (example: bae's wife and their lovely new oxy welder), you are going to be f*cked over when it hits the fan. When disasters happen, a lot of "winners" suddenly aren't anymore. Why, in the modern western world, a prepper would choose to marry someone who will ditch them when the chips are down because they're not Seed #1 anymore confuses and dismays me.

And, back closer to the "getting your S.O. (with whom you already share life values)" on board question, I plus-one every comment about figuring out how to phrase things so prepping makes sense to your S.O. and becomes a cooperative effort, and don't sound like you are just developing weird hobbies for yourself in your advancing age.

[edited to remove direct quotes]

[ZombieGranny]

Please be kind, try to avoid quoting controversial posters in your replies to them.
Those of us who have them on our foes list put them there because we no longer wish to read posts by those particular posters.

Thank you much.
ZG

[Blacksmith]

Out of deference to ZG I will not repost the very odd sexist rant from Triple Threat but.....