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Polie wrote:I couldn't live with out smokes, coffee, chocodiles, and Gold Bonds Medicated foot powder for the ol' giggle stick. (It's like a thousand dancing ferries.)
Regular Guy wrote:Just FYI, it is lawful for the police to use one level of force above the criminals level of force. I'd say using a gun is one level above face chewing. YMMV.
I've got to say, this is some well written fiction and I've quite enjoyed it thus far. I particularly like how you've avoided the common pitfall of post-apocalypse fiction of turning all your characters into clearly black hat/white hat cardboard cutouts - that poor Chinese soldier all on his own is a great example. I was concerned at first that it was going to turn super-preachy/didactic and was pleasantly surprised.
I have only two criticisms and a question:
- Question: do you have a defined story arc that you know the plot and ending to, or are you working from a set of notes and letting the narrative evolve organically where it wants as long as it wants?
- First Criticism: the early plot lines (drug gang, for example) seemed to end a bit too quickly and neatly to be believable in my opinion and even though the main narrator is struggling, it seems to be struggling with the small stuff while always having just what is needed (skills or stuff) on hand when needed. I'm glad to see that you've moved away from this later in the narrative by bringing in others to tell tales of hardship and the narrative has gotten more "messy".
- Second Criticism: You seem to write a good bit slower than I read. When is the next installment?
Keep up the good work and thanks for the entertainment.
Blue_Flame wrote:I really wish I hadn't found this post just now...I'm at work I did take a few minutes to read the first chapter but seeing as how my boss has this crazy idea that I'm being paid to look at boring reports and place orders not read all these awesome posts I do believe it's time to close the tab.
I just wanted to say thank you for allowing criticism on your board. I would love more than anything critique to your work because it sounds like you have an awesome story that will excite me if I read it. Good luck on your writing.
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