You Might Be A Survivalist If...

[derajer]

....you feel a strange sense of desire/nostalgia for the PAW

....you own a shortwave radio so that you will be able to listen to foreign broadcasts after the entire North American Continent's technology has been wiped out by an EMP

[Doryman]

... before you head into town to go shopping, you check Zombie Squad for suggestions of sweet gear that you "Need".

I'm doing it right now... gah

[WeirdoC]

Let me try a few...

- You own a copy of "The Postman" on DVD and regularly explain to others why it is sooo much better than "Waterworld".

- You own spare copies of "The Postman", "Red Dawn", "Omega Man", and all four "Tremors" films on DVD to loan out for recruitment purposes.

- You know three or more chemicals aside from diesel or gasoline that you can use to fuel your motor vehicle.

- You've ever used the phrase, "Plastic is not an oxygen barrier!"

- You've ever referred to the general population as "the people".

- People who watch action movies with you know exactly when the character's handgun would have run out of ammunition in real life--not because you tell them, but because they see you get visibly upset.

[Ahkaine]

-Your wife was able to convince you that the expensive 600 thread count sheet set she wants is more desirable than the economical 250 thread count set you want because the 600 count has better "thermal retention" properties and would make better bandages.

-You have both freshwater and greywater stores in your PAW supplies

[PineVole]

-Your wife was able to convince you that the expensive 600 thread count sheet set she wants is more desirable than the economical 250 thread count set you want because the 600 count has better "thermal retention" properties and would make better bandages.

Every man needs a wife like that!

[Ahkaine]

-Your wife was able to convince you that the expensive 600 thread count sheet set she wants is more desirable than the economical 250 thread count set you want because the 600 count has better "thermal retention" properties and would make better bandages.

Every man needs a wife like that!

Actually, I think she exploited my survivalist tendencies to get the higher quality (and more expensive) sheets that she wanted. I couldn't really argue with her, because what she said kinda made sense and I had promised her new sheets. I just had a different price in mind than she did. Oh well, I didn't make it 15 years of marriage without learning to compromise.

[zombunny]

...Your 10 year old can handle a medical emergency better than a seasoned trauma doctor.

...Same 10 year old has saved more lives than you have, and you're an EMT.

...Your wife teases you that the ambulance crew will ask for supplies out of your trunk kit, and the fire department does when you help them out at an crash scene.

[Webboy]

Friends regard you as Ray Mears Jr.

When someone asks for a knife, u watch them gasp as you pull our your keyring

If you were to weight the contents of you poket it would be more than a small dog

Every accessory on your body is made of papracord (belt, necklace, watch strap, wrist band)

You have more guns than family members

you have alternative uses for everything you own

Whenever you enter a room you scan for nearest exists, security, blunt objects

[Ahkaine]

.....
If you were to weight the contents of you poket it would be more than a small dog
.......

You inventory your wife's small dog as part of your PAW rations.

You refer to your beer belly as your emergency calorie reserve.

[LilDaemon]

When you pack for overseas flights, you realize that everything you've packed would also make a good BOB and FAK, and/or it takes up exactly half of the available space in the suitcase.

[zombiepreparation]

I found this humor list a while back and decided to save it. So here it is broken into several posts for easier reading.


You Might Be A Survivalist If...


- You can’t put your groceries in the trunk of the car because its already jammed full with emergency kits, first aid supplies, and fully-stocked BOBs.

- You have emergency rations for your pets, and view your pets as potential emergency rations.

- You know the news three days before it hits the mass media.

- You have back-up plans for your back-up plans.

- You’re convinced you’ve been exposed to so many chem-trails, you consider it a form of birth control.

- You’ve ever repressed the urge to bleat “BAAAAAAAAAA” as your neighbor earnestly asks, “What war? Where?”

- You’ve ever bought antibiotics for human use through a vet, or grains for human consumption through a feed store.

- You’ve got more than one grain mill.

- You’ve ever wondered how you might filter the used water from your washing machine to make it fit for human consumption.

- You have a kerosene lamp in every room

- Your living room coffee table is actually a board with pretty cloth over it to disguise your food storage underneath.

- Your box springs are Rubber Maid containers filled with rice and beans.

- You save dryer lint to make fire starters.

- Your most commonly-used fuel additive is ‘Stabil’, instead of ‘Gumout’.

- You automatically choose the heavy duty flatbed cart upon entering Sam’s or Costco.

- If you know the shelf life of tuna fish, but don’t know how long you’ve had an open jar of mayo in the frig.

- Your basement walls are insulated with crates of toilet paper, from floor to ceiling, all the way around.

- While other people are saving money for new furniture, or vacations, you are desperately saving to get solar panels put on your house.

- You were excited beyond all reason when they came out with cheddar cheese in a can.

- You’ve ever served MREs at a dinner party.

- You can engage in a spirited debate on chemical vs. sawdust toilets for hours on end.

- You’ve ever considered digging an escape tunnel from your basement to the nearest stand of trees.

- You know how to use a vacuum cleaner in reverse to filter air in your designated bio-chem attack safe room.

- You’ve ever considered buying an above-ground pool for water storage purposes.

- You know what things like ‘TSHTF’, ‘BOB’ and ‘TEOTWAWKI’ mean.

- You have different grades of BOB’s. And restock them twice a year.

- You know the names, family histories, locations, and degree of readiness of over a thousand fellow doomers on the net.... but you’ve never met your neighbors.

- The best radio in the house is a wind-up.

This is so funny! And I can relate to all but four, maybe five, of them to some degree so I guess I'm pretty funny too.

[Tetra Grammaton Cleric]

I don't mind the bump, otherwise I would have missed this...

- People who watch action movies with you know exactly when the character's handgun would have run out of ammunition in real life--not because you tell them, but because they see you get visibly upset.

<--- That's him.


Also, to add to the list...

You were high schooled in the early to mid eighties, at the peak of the cold war, with all those educational "Nuclear Holocaust" movies, documentarys, books and other educational resources (Threads, Z for Zachariah, Dark Circle, When the Wind Blows, The Day After, etc).

-

[KnightoftheRoc]

...you silently(?) mouth the dialogue to the movies Red Dawn and Escape From New York, but have no idea who starred in Roadhouse or Dirty Dancing.

(yes, those were movies, too)

[Doctorr Fabulous]

...you silently(?) mouth the dialogue to the movies Red Dawn and Escape From New York, but have no idea who starred in Roadhouse or Dirty Dancing.

(yes, those were movies, too)

Not knowing who the Swayze is should be a sin...

OT: ...you store so much ammo that the county wants to zone your house/BOL as a munitions depot.
...you did the math once, and you have enough food to feed every man, woman, and child in your area for a week, and enough ammo to Mozambique-drill a third-world army.
...you had to rezone your property "commercial" so yoiu could have bulk supplies dropped off by the ton.

[ForgeCorvus]

.....You've stopped using cistern blocks in the toilet tank so as not to contaminate your tertiary water storage.

.....You build the en-suite not just because your SOP asked for it, but because it doubles your tertiary water storage


.....A local food-bank closes when you move, because you're no longer donating surplus inventory


.......Your kids have Ham call-signs before Facebook accounts


.......Your youngest is christened "Bob" and his nappy bag is MOLLE compatable

[Doctorr Fabulous]

...AKs and ARs jam too often for your tastes.

...you have enough food stored to claim your 10 closest neighbors as dependents in the even of a disaster.

...you avoid Wal-Mart, just in case something bad happens while you're there.

[FlashDaddy]

You plan your vacation travel routes and destinations based on which states recognize your CCW permit and haven't banned the rifles and magazines that will be in your trunk.

You always take bicycles on vacation because they're fun AND and an alternate way to get your family home.

Your thinking that a rifle would be a nice graduation gift for your nephew.

[Graybeard]

i am doomed

[MasterMaker]

continued...
- You fill up when your gas tank is 3/4 full.

Anybody else but me that does this??

[bacpacjac]

-you have seven different cell phone chargers in your glove box but don't own a cell phone to match them. Your charger is of course, in your purse, ghb, bob, office kit and psk!

[azrael99]

"- you got visual range distance reference when you watch outside your window"

[Dogan]

"- you got visual range distance reference when you watch outside your window"

-You've made range cards for places you frequent, and memorized them.

[Shiloh]

-You pie the corners in whatever unfamiliar building you're in at the time.

-Your back-up plans go all the way to Q.

-You have to resist the urge to up-armor your suburu.

[KnightoftheRoc]

-You pie the corners in whatever unfamiliar building you're in at the time. Or, argue "cake!" instead

-Your back-up plans go all the way to Q.amateur- REAL backup plans go into doubled letters, like AA, BB, CC...

-You have to resist the urge to up-armor your suburu.

Why in the world would you WANT to resist the urge to up-armor anything?