My Job, My Hell...

Share a survival experience with us and explain what you learned from it. You might help someone.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by ZombieGranny » Sun Jan 08, 2012 3:25 pm

Yes I have to wonder, could he really have all the chickens he wanted AND a rooster?

They are regulated in many places.
Amount of hens, are roosters allowed, how far from neighbors the coop must be - that sort of thing.
He wanted to be legal, the questions sound quite normal.
In my day, we didn't have virtual reality.
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by allofthemonkeys » Sun Jan 08, 2012 6:25 pm

As I shared before, I work the night shift at a gas station convenience store, on the edge of a shady part of town. My co worker the other day found that a box of aluminum foil had been opened, and was missing about a 6 inch square piece of foil. We think someone took it the do some meth, not surprising if you saw a lot of the people that come in. I had to deal with some people that were stoned off their gourd the other night, with HUGE smiles, laughing at everything and smelling like incense.

It is local law to stop selling beer after 1 AM, and that causes problems most nights. The register clock is about 5 minutes fast and I have to follow it because if my boss looks at the sales log, and sees that I sold after one, I have to turn in my shirt and name tag and hit the road. I like my job more than someone I just met in a gas station. So usually accompanied by a plethora of obscenities and yelling about how their phone that they just shoved in my face says that it is still 5 to 1, I lie and tell them that the register locks me out when it hit one. Then about 80% of the time they sober up (Unless already drunk) and say something like, "Really, that's cool," or "That sucks." They return on their merry way with out the boose they sought out for. The best is when they say "I drove all the way from Springville, (Neighboring city) and I KNOW it's not one yet! I wish I could be my usual snarky self and ask, why here, you have a 7-11 and another branch of my store in your town, one you probably passed on your way here, and THEY ARE BOTH OPEN 24 HOURS TOO!!!
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by dynomike » Sun Jan 08, 2012 6:26 pm

Gyrfalcon wrote:
dynomike wrote: Finally, I used to be a City Planner in Idaho. During my tenure, and apparently no other time since, I would receive at least 3 phone calls a week concerning animal husbandry, specifically about chickens. The first time I got this question was from a Russian fellow who stopped by and was asking how many chickens he could have. The secretary called me with this and I started to laugh.

"Is he serious?" I asked.
"Yes, he is", she said.
"Come on. Chickens? This has got to be a joke" I replied.
"No joke. He wants to know how many chickens he can have in his zoning district."
"Tell him he can have all the chickens he wants!"
"Really?! He's serious." she said.
"Yeah, right. I'll come up there and kill this joke. Effing chickens, come on."

So I go up and find this polite Russian man who asks me all sorts of serious questions about chickens, how many he can have, where can he put the coop and if he can have a rooster. I stare in disbelief and start looking for a camera crew behind him. Finally, I collected myself, answered his questions, and bid him good day. For the rest of my time as a planner, I was known as "The Chicken Guy".
I guess I'm not seeing anything humorous or outrageous about his questions. Within the city limits of Portland, you can have three hens, ducks, or pygmy goats, but no roosters. What was so funny?
In the context of Portland or Oakland, CA, you are correct. Chickens are quite normal and, in some neighborhoods, expected and semi-required by the neighbors (as was my brother-in-law's experience in the hippie-esque enclave he lived in Oak-town). Where I was, the other planner had not received a chicken question in the seven years she was there, I was bombarded with them consistently. I worked for a small town next to Boise, mostly a large industrial area speckled with million dollar homes, so the question came from left field (at least to me). I should perhaps blame my initial ignorance, as I was fresh out of college and never learned a thing of urban agriculture. I've since looked into having them myself and find they are a valuable resource.

Was it funny? Perhaps it was one of those "I'm off in fifteen minutes on a Friday and I'm getting this question" combined with "you had to be there" kind of funny.
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by MelloJeep » Tue Jan 24, 2012 6:22 pm

I was sent to do a flat on a tractor trailers trailer and the trailer had a flat on the inner tire in the back front axle. Ok no sweat I get in the mack superliner with a zack lift and twin booms with drag winch, now mind you the back body is chin high to me standing along side of it and is like the deck of a damn ship. I had to put the tire for changing on the truck , the tire is for a rig and weighs a damn lot, so i fought with it and finally got it on. I drive 3 hours to exit like 13 in connecticut and take the exit , loop around and the truck is sitting there. As i pull up the tractor that is with the trailer leaves, the guy waited for me and then left when i got there , he was unhooked. I call my boss and he has no idea why so now i have to put the pin plate on the zack lifts head and line it up to the plate with the 5th wheel pin ,I take a while getting in lined up because the mack has no back camera and finally hook it, heres the best part. I have to back the truck up a stack of wood , while the rear axle is chained to the frame rail of the trailer ,for the trailers rear tire to levitate off the ground because i have no jack. It takes once again forever but i get it. better part coming I have a huge big truck lug nut gun with half inch air hose, best part the macks compressor barely puts out enough air to keep my air brakes released. So i fight for 3 hours to get the nuts off, now the better part dismounting and remounting the tire on the rim with one torsion bar and a crowbar, to set the bead , starter fluid and a lighter. I got the job done and after all this B/ S my then boss bitched it took me all day........i wonder why i have high blood pressure, after all of it he told me to leave it there they would come and get it. sigh...fml , he did these things on a random schedule, like sending me to suffolk downs before the big dig tunnel was open, at the time it was impossible to get a rig to rever easily. I get there to pick up a lull which is like a forklift with 4wd and telescoping sterring for off road construction i get the drop deck unhooked and it is pitch black at the auction yard i call my boss who then says " oh yeah didnt i tell you it has no keys you have to hot wire it"......once again i got it done and he bitched it took me all night....
I have a pretty good limp so don't bother tripping me...they'll catch up.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Samurai Penguin » Sun Jan 29, 2012 5:41 pm

Mello, you have all my respect. It's you guys who come out in all weather and at all hours to keep us truck drivers on the road, usually for crap pay and no appreciation.

Thank you for what you do. Seriously. If it weren't for road service, we'd be screwed. 8-)
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by MelloJeep » Mon Jan 30, 2012 7:00 pm

I appreciate it man but I am no longer in that line of work , the man in these stories I worked for started hanging around a local bike club and doing all sorts of things that go bad fast . He passed away at the age of 44 in his bed. I drive for the teamsters now and like you am very appreciative of any help given when it comes. I had probably a few hundred stories and could go on for ever it seems every day was a new hell there. Going to the top of the local landfill to dig under trucks front I beams to get the forks under them on the underreach and tow them down the hill with their weight pushing me down and nothing helping stop them because they had their brakes pinned open.Never fun I had to throw the uniforms away becaus ethe top of the landfill was soft like walking on a matress and full of god knows what in the crap i was digging and laying in. You name it, now any time I get towed I shoot the breeze with the dude and he usually has my stories beat lol. Thanks again for the kind words.
I have a pretty good limp so don't bother tripping me...they'll catch up.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by TheLastRifleMan » Mon Jan 30, 2012 7:18 pm

Yeah, tow truck driver is not high on my list of professions I care to try. But man, the guys that do that job have always had my respect. Thankfully, I have not had to require the services of one for many years and hope to keep it that way. But the Big Mitten being what it is weather wise, one never knows.

Let's keep the tales coming.
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by 12_Gauge_Chimp » Mon Jan 30, 2012 7:47 pm

I suppose I should tell you all about the time I had a gun pulled on me at work.


In 2006, I worked at the local Wal-Mart. It was a good job, paid surprisingly well and I enjoyed helping customers. I was usually stuck behind the sporting goods counter and had to cover that and the paint mixer.

It was late one day when this elderly gentleman came in looking for ammo for his newest gun. The old guy found me working the counter and asked me if we sold ammo for pistols. I told the guy that we did and asked what kind he needed. Well, he needed .44 rounds. Simple enough request, so I hand him a box of .44 Magnum rounds. They weren't the correct rounds, according to the guy. I ask him what caliber he needs and he tells me .44 Henry. To my knowledge, Wal-Mart has never sold that round and at that point I didn't know if it still existed in a commercially available capacity. I tell the old guy that and he's nice about it, thanking me and as he's leaving, he comes back and reaches into his pocket. In his pocket is the gun he thinks uses .44 Henry, which he places it on the counter.

At this point, I start to panic, for one the old dude just pulled a weapon and two I didn't want the old guy to get arrested for it. I calmly tell the old guy to please put the gun back in his pocket and to keep his hands out of them. Again, he's nice about it and apologizes for scaring me. He leaves and I begin to calm back down. Twenty minutes later, I get a phone call from the old guy's daughter apologizing for her dad's behavior and that he's sorry for scaring me. Apparently, that wasn't the first time the old guy had done that.

I never saw the old guy again after that and I was ok with that. That was the first and thankfully only time I've ever had a gun pulled on me.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by MelloJeep » Tue Jan 31, 2012 1:12 pm

I had a tow once it was a flat with, meaning just a tire change. No big deal I figured I rolled up to the side of the highway and a van a regular cargo van a ford was sitting there on the side of the road. It had a flat on the passenger rear and was sitting in the breakdown lane hazard lights flashing away. I got out and the passenger and driver got out and hurried over to me while I got the jack and tools out of my side box. I got over to the truck and started jacking it up the two guys were acting beyond nervous and jerky the entire time. I got up after cracking the lugs and started pumping the van up by the axle. The undercarriage of the van started having water come out of it, now its a 90 degree dry summer day and there isnt any water around for a long while. I shrug it off and then get up and go for the vans back door. The guy grabs my arm and tugs me away from it and says "what the hell are you doing" all pissed and angry. I said on the van there is a hole behind the rear doors that lowers the spare from underneath it. He says "ill get it ill get " and moves by me. I wait and wait and while I am waiting and the two men are behind it struggling to get the tire to drop with the extension handle I peek in the vans passnger door glass into the back. It had a huge plastic tub that was round about as wide as the van and about 2 fee t deep . It was uncovered and I could see water in it. I thought of the movie splash when they capture the mermaid and smiled but couldnt figure out what the hell it was for. The men drop the tire and gave me it and I changed the tire they grabbed the old and told me to keep it, jumping in the van and taking off while water poured out the rear doors jam. I explained it to my boss and he thought I was full of b/s , to this day im lost as to what they were up to.
I have a pretty good limp so don't bother tripping me...they'll catch up.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by MelloJeep » Tue Jan 31, 2012 1:18 pm

Another one was a fatality on the highway . A group of kids leaving a banquet honoring a kid killed driving while racing were going down the highway out here doing about 100. The road swerved and the car didnt. It went into the woods and hit a tree sideways on the passenger door. I was right behind it all in my tow truck returning from a call when they flew past me and shot into the treeline. I watched the car hit and boom it was dirt and debris. I pull over put on the lights and get out calling 911 on my old nextel. The car had kids in the drivers seat and back seat and they were ok with scrapes in the end .The girl in the passengers front seat literally exploded on impact. I found limbs and organs everywhere. I had to sit with it a good 2 hours while the state police measued everything and took pics of everything. My buddy shows up in the ramp to help and asked why they were carrying sheets into the woods. I had to explain what was in there and he turned green. We brought the car back to work and my boss had me put it in the bays where the lifts were. The girls family was coming to see the car they didnt believe the girl was dead. I dropped it and they were coming in as I was leaving the building. The looks on the parents faces was burned in my mind. Sad to see and worse to deal with. I did a lot of fatalities but watching it happen then dealing with it was rough. My buddy I towed with still says " i dont remember much about that job, but i remember every damn fatality to the last detail" hes right that sticks with you.
I have a pretty good limp so don't bother tripping me...they'll catch up.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Laager » Fri Feb 03, 2012 12:32 am

A few years back I worked for a U.S. Air Force base in contracting........unfortunately I had two of the worse contracts or what was at that time called the big three or top three contracts on base as well as some of the more minor contracts.

I had the Refuse and Custodial contracts. The other was grounds maintenance but we did not have a contract for that.

One day I received a phone call from the Base Civil Engineering building (CE), they had a complaint about the custodial service.....the lady that called me was the CE commander's secretary. Can't have the commanding officer of an entire squadron calling and causing a stink with our commander. So I tell her that I will be there in about 15 minutes. I call the custodial contrator's rep and tell him that we have a problem with the service at CE.

He tells me he does not have a problem, that I have a problem and that there is no flipping way they are cleaning up the mess. I ask him what was going on and he told me I would just have to see it for myself. He did consent to meeting me there (hey that was in the contract, someone from his company has to be there for all complaints).

So I hop in my trusty GOV (Government Owned Vehicle) and off I go.....I should point out that I had made it a habbit to bring my personal digital camera with me on all of my calls. Sometimes the written word just does not do a report justice, and well a picture was proof positive of a contractual violation.

Anyway I arrive at the CE building and head in, as I'm walking down the hallway towards the Commander's office I see a trail of what looks like mud weaving its way down the hallway and I think to myself, didn't we just have this carpet cleaned last week? The contract calls for two floor cleanings per year, smart people get it done after winter and just before winter.

About halfway down the hall I notice a smell, hmmmmm, what the heck is that smell? Wow, smells like someone dumped a half gallon of perfume on and was wandering around the hallways....with a funny under current smell that I just could not identify.

I get to the commander's office and find the secretary, the CE commander and the custodial company supervisor in a heated discussion.

I have no choice but to step in and try to mediate the issue. No one can tell any of the custodial workers what to do, other than the supervisor and myself as long as it is in the contract. Anything outside the scope of the contract can cause some serious problems as in they can and will charge you $100.00 or more to change a light bulb.....but they told me to change the light bulb......so I did....and here is the bill for work done outside the scope of the contract.

I get them apart and start to try to figure out what is going on....all the time the smell of all that perfume and the as yet unknown yet strangely familiar smell is giving me a massive headache.

Bottom line, we all head down to the female latrine, where it looks like a horror movie was filmed there.....instead of blood being splatterred all over the walls, the floor, the stalls, the toilet, the exit door, it is human feces.

It looked like someone had hooked a flipping hose to a honey bucket truck and sprayed the entire three stall female latrine with feces. It was everywhere and it was not in solid form.

WTF was all I could think of.....I mean come on folks we are talking about adults here and military servicewoman.

Well it turns out that they had this huge 300+ female that wandered around in a sun dress that had sometime in the past had some type of surgery to reduce her weight.......I'm wondering from just how large was she now that she had slimmed down to 300+ pounds.

Sadly the surgery did not take and she had stomach issues as in the food would go in and almost immediately come spewing back out without her having the ability to control it. This is where I find out that this is not the first time either, just the first time on my watch. She shit herself inside a GOV, and then went home....she also sat in her office chair and shit herself there as well as trailling it down the hallway.

So here we are for the third flipping time and where is her office located? Oh about six offices away from the latrine, did they think to more her closer to the latrine, oh no they say, she does not want to move....it is not a good subject to bring up....she gets embarassed you know.

WTF.....so she doesn't get embarassed when she shits herself as she waddles down the flipping hallway in her mumu or sun dress?

Okay says I.....after taking some pictures of the latrine, the hallway carpet, her office carpet and the carpet leading to the exit she used as well as the steps out the door.....we are done here. The commander says to me when can you get this cleaned up? I say...never....it is way outside the scope of the contract and it involves bodily fluids which makes this a Biohazard and requires someone with the proper training to clean it up.

Have a nice day, my job is done here says I. But whose going to clean this up says the commander, I say not me, not this contractor...how about you have the one that made the mess clean it up because otherwise you are going to have to come up with some unit funds to have this cleaned up. We do not have a contract in place to cover biohazards, or maybe you can call the post hospital and see what they can do. They asked the contractor what he would charge to clean it up (right in front of me, can you say contract violation?) and he told them that he would charge them at least $50,000.00 dollars.

Needless to say I wasn't even in my GOV before my cell phone rang and the contracting officer wanted to know why I wasn't supporting CE over the contractor. I told her that it was not my job to support the contractor or the people complaining that something or other had not been done or done right, it was my job to enforce the contract and if she wanted to come down and stand around in a shit covered latrine feel free to do so.

A few days later I heard that (from the contractor) two ladies from CE (civilian co workers) had cleaned up the latrine and steam cleaned the hallway and offices. That they had some GI hose off the steps. After four years of this they still did not make her move closer to the latrine and just about once or twice a month she would shit herself somewhere after going to lunch.

My wife and I went off post to eat lunch at an Oriental place and after sitting down, who should come waddling in but the CE Shitter and some co-workers. When they saw me they glared at me and moved to the other side of the all you can eat buffet.

Boy could she shovel in the food....I counted 12 trips to the buffet line.....my wife asked me why I was laughing and I told her I would tell her later on.....so I did....she was not amused especially since she worked for Military Public Health.

I should point out that for some odd reason rumor control had it that the CE shitter was extremely popular with the men........in fact she always had an office full of roses on V-day and usually a dozen or so most of the time.

I have no idea what the deal was, but from what I saw she did have some male friends around.....I guess there is just no telling what some people won't get into.

imho, if it was me and her on an island with no hope of rescue, I'd kill her and hang out with Wilson till I died.
“Complacency kills. Paranoia is the reason I’m still alive.” If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Laager » Fri Feb 03, 2012 12:53 am

Time for a Refuse contract story.........

Part of my job was to drive around in the early am to check the refuse containers.......making sure the lids were down and secured. The base that I worked at (my wife was in the Air Force) had wildlife problems. Bears, moose, wolves the whole nine yards, so we had bear proof dumpsters at all the places that served food.

Anyway one early Monday morning I am cruising around the post and I see a POV (Privately Owned Vehicle or one not owned by fedgov, which means a civilian vehicle) parked next to a dumpster with the driver stuffing bags of garbage into the dumpster.

Oh this is a no go at this station, it is against post regs for civilians or even active duty military to use dumpsters that they are not assigned to use. Another words if you are active duty and live on post you have to use the housing dumpster in base housing to dump your household garbage....or if you live in the dorms then you have to use those....or at work you use the one assigned or located close to your place of work.

This guy was in one of the base parks, next to the tennis courts dumping something at 0700hrs in the am. Something is up, so away I go to tell him/her to stop and remove his/her garbage from the dumpster.

Turns out to be some old crusty guy who is not happy with me......I tell him that I am sorry that he is not allowed per post regs to dump trash on post. He tells me he was in the AF for 23 years and had did his time and now worked as a GS-11 civilian on post and that by God he had earned the right to dump trash on base whenever and whereever he darn well felt like.......

Well attempting to remain calm and composed I informed him that I really did not want to have to call the post police and that it would lead to serious issues if I had to do so, and could he just cooperate and remove his trash and leave. In no uncertain terms he told me to go straight to hell....so I said okay and called the police as he continued to stuff trash into the dumpster. I took a picture of his car, his license plate and him dumping trash, which sent him into a nice rage, which lead to him chasing me around the car for a few minutes. I could not help it, and I started to laugh, which really sent him over the edge. Hey what can I say....something about being chased around a car by an old ass af puke shaped like a weeble who was huffing an puffing just made me laugh.

He finally cussed me a bit more, fell into his truck and away he went..........

Later on the police showed up and I told them what had happened, we then looked into the dumpster and there were about six or seven bags inside all black and well one of them had what looked like a bone sticking out of it and there appeared to be a large amount of blood pooling around the bags.

I was told that I needed to head to the station and wait for someone to take my statement, I had to give them the license plate (I wrote it down on a piece of paper while waiting for them to show up) and off I went.

First thought.......dude killed his wife....dumped her dead rear end in the dumpster.

Funny thing....that is exactly what the police thought as they taped the dumpster off and called in the big guns. Oh and went to the guys office to bring him in....

Eventually it turned out that he had shot a moose on Friday and did not want to dump the remains in his garbage can so he brought them to the base.......

The police were no amused after everyone had showed up to claim a piece of the glory, you know....the whole darn team showed up...... OSI (Office of Special Investigations), photo guys, hospital guys......senior NCOs, junior officers, senior officers.......turned into a real nice three ring circus.

I ended up watching him clean up all the moose guts, because the cops weren't going to...after it was determined that the bones and guts were not human, I don't suppose it helped that he had to pay a fine, and that a letter of reprimand was put into his official file and that I was taking pictures of him cleaning it up.
“Complacency kills. Paranoia is the reason I’m still alive.” If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by taskforce71 » Fri Feb 03, 2012 9:13 pm

allofthemonkeys wrote:As I shared before, I work the night shift at a gas station convenience store, on the edge of a shady part of town. My co worker the other day found that a box of aluminum foil had been opened, and was missing about a 6 inch square piece of foil. We think someone took it the do some meth, not surprising if you saw a lot of the people that come in. I had to deal with some people that were stoned off their gourd the other night, with HUGE smiles, laughing at everything and smelling like incense.

It is local law to stop selling beer after 1 AM, and that causes problems most nights. The register clock is about 5 minutes fast and I have to follow it because if my boss looks at the sales log, and sees that I sold after one, I have to turn in my shirt and name tag and hit the road. I like my job more than someone I just met in a gas station. So usually accompanied by a plethora of obscenities and yelling about how their phone that they just shoved in my face says that it is still 5 to 1, I lie and tell them that the register locks me out when it hit one. Then about 80% of the time they sober up (Unless already drunk) and say something like, "Really, that's cool," or "That sucks." They return on their merry way with out the boose they sought out for. The best is when they say "I drove all the way from Springville, (Neighboring city) and I KNOW it's not one yet! I wish I could be my usual snarky self and ask, why here, you have a 7-11 and another branch of my store in your town, one you probably passed on your way here, and THEY ARE BOTH OPEN 24 HOURS TOO!!!
Hey, I've had a co-worker or two show up for their shifts STONED, I mean room-filled-with-smoke stoned! :shock: The one other thing I remember about this guy was his shocking resemblance to Freddie Prinze Jr (you know, Buffy's husband)! If only I had a cell phone with a camera in those days. He lasted about 4 weeks. Never have I seen anyone fired from the job so fast!

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by TheLastRifleMan » Sat Feb 04, 2012 1:26 pm

Laager wrote:A few years back I worked for a U.S. Air Force base in contracting........unfortunately I had two of the worse contracts or what was at that time called the big three or top three contracts on base as well as some of the more minor contracts.

I had the Refuse and Custodial contracts. The other was grounds maintenance but we did not have a contract for that.

One day I received a phone call from the Base Civil Engineering building (CE), they had a complaint about the custodial service.....the lady that called me was the CE commander's secretary. Can't have the commanding officer of an entire squadron calling and causing a stink with our commander. So I tell her that I will be there in about 15 minutes. I call the custodial contrator's rep and tell him that we have a problem with the service at CE.

He tells me he does not have a problem, that I have a problem and that there is no flipping way they are cleaning up the mess. I ask him what was going on and he told me I would just have to see it for myself. He did consent to meeting me there (hey that was in the contract, someone from his company has to be there for all complaints).

So I hop in my trusty GOV (Government Owned Vehicle) and off I go.....I should point out that I had made it a habbit to bring my personal digital camera with me on all of my calls. Sometimes the written word just does not do a report justice, and well a picture was proof positive of a contractual violation.

Anyway I arrive at the CE building and head in, as I'm walking down the hallway towards the Commander's office I see a trail of what looks like mud weaving its way down the hallway and I think to myself, didn't we just have this carpet cleaned last week? The contract calls for two floor cleanings per year, smart people get it done after winter and just before winter.

About halfway down the hall I notice a smell, hmmmmm, what the heck is that smell? Wow, smells like someone dumped a half gallon of perfume on and was wandering around the hallways....with a funny under current smell that I just could not identify.

I get to the commander's office and find the secretary, the CE commander and the custodial company supervisor in a heated discussion.

I have no choice but to step in and try to mediate the issue. No one can tell any of the custodial workers what to do, other than the supervisor and myself as long as it is in the contract. Anything outside the scope of the contract can cause some serious problems as in they can and will charge you $100.00 or more to change a light bulb.....but they told me to change the light bulb......so I did....and here is the bill for work done outside the scope of the contract.

I get them apart and start to try to figure out what is going on....all the time the smell of all that perfume and the as yet unknown yet strangely familiar smell is giving me a massive headache.

Bottom line, we all head down to the female latrine, where it looks like a horror movie was filmed there.....instead of blood being splatterred all over the walls, the floor, the stalls, the toilet, the exit door, it is human feces.

It looked like someone had hooked a flipping hose to a honey bucket truck and sprayed the entire three stall female latrine with feces. It was everywhere and it was not in solid form.

WTF was all I could think of.....I mean come on folks we are talking about adults here and military servicewoman.

Well it turns out that they had this huge 300+ female that wandered around in a sun dress that had sometime in the past had some type of surgery to reduce her weight.......I'm wondering from just how large was she now that she had slimmed down to 300+ pounds.

Sadly the surgery did not take and she had stomach issues as in the food would go in and almost immediately come spewing back out without her having the ability to control it. This is where I find out that this is not the first time either, just the first time on my watch. She shit herself inside a GOV, and then went home....she also sat in her office chair and shit herself there as well as trailling it down the hallway.

So here we are for the third flipping time and where is her office located? Oh about six offices away from the latrine, did they think to more her closer to the latrine, oh no they say, she does not want to move....it is not a good subject to bring up....she gets embarassed you know.

WTF.....so she doesn't get embarassed when she shits herself as she waddles down the flipping hallway in her mumu or sun dress?

Okay says I.....after taking some pictures of the latrine, the hallway carpet, her office carpet and the carpet leading to the exit she used as well as the steps out the door.....we are done here. The commander says to me when can you get this cleaned up? I say...never....it is way outside the scope of the contract and it involves bodily fluids which makes this a Biohazard and requires someone with the proper training to clean it up.

Have a nice day, my job is done here says I. But whose going to clean this up says the commander, I say not me, not this contractor...how about you have the one that made the mess clean it up because otherwise you are going to have to come up with some unit funds to have this cleaned up. We do not have a contract in place to cover biohazards, or maybe you can call the post hospital and see what they can do. They asked the contractor what he would charge to clean it up (right in front of me, can you say contract violation?) and he told them that he would charge them at least $50,000.00 dollars.

Needless to say I wasn't even in my GOV before my cell phone rang and the contracting officer wanted to know why I wasn't supporting CE over the contractor. I told her that it was not my job to support the contractor or the people complaining that something or other had not been done or done right, it was my job to enforce the contract and if she wanted to come down and stand around in a shit covered latrine feel free to do so.

A few days later I heard that (from the contractor) two ladies from CE (civilian co workers) had cleaned up the latrine and steam cleaned the hallway and offices. That they had some GI hose off the steps. After four years of this they still did not make her move closer to the latrine and just about once or twice a month she would shit herself somewhere after going to lunch.

My wife and I went off post to eat lunch at an Oriental place and after sitting down, who should come waddling in but the CE Shitter and some co-workers. When they saw me they glared at me and moved to the other side of the all you can eat buffet.

Boy could she shovel in the food....I counted 12 trips to the buffet line.....my wife asked me why I was laughing and I told her I would tell her later on.....so I did....she was not amused especially since she worked for Military Public Health.

I should point out that for some odd reason rumor control had it that the CE shitter was extremely popular with the men........in fact she always had an office full of roses on V-day and usually a dozen or so most of the time.

I have no idea what the deal was, but from what I saw she did have some male friends around.....I guess there is just no telling what some people won't get into.

imho, if it was me and her on an island with no hope of rescue, I'd kill her and hang out with Wilson till I died.
You win.
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"If ye break faith with those who died,
We shall not sleep..."

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Laager » Sat Feb 04, 2012 2:42 pm

TheLastRifleMan wrote:
Laager wrote:A few years back I worked for a U.S. Air Force base in contracting........unfortunately I had two of the worse contracts or what was at that time called the big three or top three contracts on base as well as some of the more minor contracts.

I had the Refuse and Custodial contracts. The other was grounds maintenance but we did not have a contract for that.

One day I received a phone call from the Base Civil Engineering building (CE), they had a complaint about the custodial service.....the lady that called me was the CE commander's secretary. Can't have the commanding officer of an entire squadron calling and causing a stink with our commander. So I tell her that I will be there in about 15 minutes. I call the custodial contrator's rep and tell him that we have a problem with the service at CE.

He tells me he does not have a problem, that I have a problem and that there is no flipping way they are cleaning up the mess. I ask him what was going on and he told me I would just have to see it for myself. He did consent to meeting me there (hey that was in the contract, someone from his company has to be there for all complaints).

So I hop in my trusty GOV (Government Owned Vehicle) and off I go.....I should point out that I had made it a habbit to bring my personal digital camera with me on all of my calls. Sometimes the written word just does not do a report justice, and well a picture was proof positive of a contractual violation.

Anyway I arrive at the CE building and head in, as I'm walking down the hallway towards the Commander's office I see a trail of what looks like mud weaving its way down the hallway and I think to myself, didn't we just have this carpet cleaned last week? The contract calls for two floor cleanings per year, smart people get it done after winter and just before winter.

About halfway down the hall I notice a smell, hmmmmm, what the heck is that smell? Wow, smells like someone dumped a half gallon of perfume on and was wandering around the hallways....with a funny under current smell that I just could not identify.

I get to the commander's office and find the secretary, the CE commander and the custodial company supervisor in a heated discussion.

I have no choice but to step in and try to mediate the issue. No one can tell any of the custodial workers what to do, other than the supervisor and myself as long as it is in the contract. Anything outside the scope of the contract can cause some serious problems as in they can and will charge you $100.00 or more to change a light bulb.....but they told me to change the light bulb......so I did....and here is the bill for work done outside the scope of the contract.

I get them apart and start to try to figure out what is going on....all the time the smell of all that perfume and the as yet unknown yet strangely familiar smell is giving me a massive headache.

Bottom line, we all head down to the female latrine, where it looks like a horror movie was filmed there.....instead of blood being splatterred all over the walls, the floor, the stalls, the toilet, the exit door, it is human feces.

It looked like someone had hooked a flipping hose to a honey bucket truck and sprayed the entire three stall female latrine with feces. It was everywhere and it was not in solid form.

WTF was all I could think of.....I mean come on folks we are talking about adults here and military servicewoman.

Well it turns out that they had this huge 300+ female that wandered around in a sun dress that had sometime in the past had some type of surgery to reduce her weight.......I'm wondering from just how large was she now that she had slimmed down to 300+ pounds.

Sadly the surgery did not take and she had stomach issues as in the food would go in and almost immediately come spewing back out without her having the ability to control it. This is where I find out that this is not the first time either, just the first time on my watch. She shit herself inside a GOV, and then went home....she also sat in her office chair and shit herself there as well as trailling it down the hallway.

So here we are for the third flipping time and where is her office located? Oh about six offices away from the latrine, did they think to more her closer to the latrine, oh no they say, she does not want to move....it is not a good subject to bring up....she gets embarassed you know.

WTF.....so she doesn't get embarassed when she shits herself as she waddles down the flipping hallway in her mumu or sun dress?

Okay says I.....after taking some pictures of the latrine, the hallway carpet, her office carpet and the carpet leading to the exit she used as well as the steps out the door.....we are done here. The commander says to me when can you get this cleaned up? I say...never....it is way outside the scope of the contract and it involves bodily fluids which makes this a Biohazard and requires someone with the proper training to clean it up.

Have a nice day, my job is done here says I. But whose going to clean this up says the commander, I say not me, not this contractor...how about you have the one that made the mess clean it up because otherwise you are going to have to come up with some unit funds to have this cleaned up. We do not have a contract in place to cover biohazards, or maybe you can call the post hospital and see what they can do. They asked the contractor what he would charge to clean it up (right in front of me, can you say contract violation?) and he told them that he would charge them at least $50,000.00 dollars.

Needless to say I wasn't even in my GOV before my cell phone rang and the contracting officer wanted to know why I wasn't supporting CE over the contractor. I told her that it was not my job to support the contractor or the people complaining that something or other had not been done or done right, it was my job to enforce the contract and if she wanted to come down and stand around in a shit covered latrine feel free to do so.

A few days later I heard that (from the contractor) two ladies from CE (civilian co workers) had cleaned up the latrine and steam cleaned the hallway and offices. That they had some GI hose off the steps. After four years of this they still did not make her move closer to the latrine and just about once or twice a month she would shit herself somewhere after going to lunch.

My wife and I went off post to eat lunch at an Oriental place and after sitting down, who should come waddling in but the CE Shitter and some co-workers. When they saw me they glared at me and moved to the other side of the all you can eat buffet.

Boy could she shovel in the food....I counted 12 trips to the buffet line.....my wife asked me why I was laughing and I told her I would tell her later on.....so I did....she was not amused especially since she worked for Military Public Health.

I should point out that for some odd reason rumor control had it that the CE shitter was extremely popular with the men........in fact she always had an office full of roses on V-day and usually a dozen or so most of the time.

I have no idea what the deal was, but from what I saw she did have some male friends around.....I guess there is just no telling what some people won't get into.

imho, if it was me and her on an island with no hope of rescue, I'd kill her and hang out with Wilson till I died.
You win.

Not a chance.....yours are way better.....lol...mainly cause I have a feeling other people's misery is the best.....lol
“Complacency kills. Paranoia is the reason I’m still alive.” If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Laager » Sat Feb 04, 2012 2:52 pm

Same Air Force base different building.....

I don't know what the Air Force calls it, but in the Army the Commanding Officer's building used to always be building #1.

So I get a call from someone at the Post Commander's building, turns out it is the Custodial Supervisor, and he would like me to come on down to building 1 to be a referee on them cleaning up the men's latrine or not.

Now this isn't just some building off in the middle of the noth 40 or something, people are coming in and out all the time, well except for at night.

So it is grab the camera, jump in the GOV and head out.

I get there and there is a crowd of people in the hallway (not a good sign) and so in I wade. I get the Custodial team and tell them to head into the latrine and I ask for whomever it was that had a complaint to go on in and then I close the door on the rest of the crowd.

Latrine looks good to me, as I take a quick look around.......the Custodial Supervisor tells me we are not cleaning this up as he points to the only urinal in the latrine.

From the outside it looked pretty good (by contract standards), I glance inside and I swear it looked like someone had left a flipping python in the urinal. WTH? What kind of a moron would stuff a snake in a urinal? I mean come on.........WTH????

I take another look and some one had took a duece in the urinal....

All I remember saying is......whoever did this has some serious issues......mental and physical.......no way is that real.......oh and it is way, way outside the scope of the contract, so they do not have to clean it up.

I took some pictures and left...........sometimes you just have to wonder about what some people are thinking.......
“Complacency kills. Paranoia is the reason I’m still alive.” If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by BigDaddyTX » Sat Feb 04, 2012 5:06 pm

I almost don't want to say it but.. pics?
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Laager » Sat Feb 04, 2012 5:22 pm

I started taking pictures because it was well just easier........someone files a complaint about lack of service or service standards. Or someone did not empty the dumpsters or whatever it was that I was called in to inpsect.

I show up, then have to sign off on the complaint either saying that I concur or I do not concur. Then it goes higher...usually without pictures they (USAF contracting higher) would get kicked back and say that it was not really a valid complaint. In every USAF contract there is a limit on the number of valid complaints a contractor can receiver per a set period of time. If they exceed this number, then supposedly bad things start to happen, but usually no one does anything and that really chapped my hide. I figured I was paid to enforce the contract standards, not support the contractor by letting him shaft the AF and not shaft the contractor by siding with the person or organization that was complaining.

Bottom line, my boss pulled me in one time and told me I was not in the business of putting small business (read dumb morons that had seriously underbid the contract or failed to read the contract) out of business. I told her that it was my understanding that I was in the business of making sure that the 1.2 million dollars a year that we spend on custodial contracts was spent in accordance with the contract.

So I started taking pictures, that way no one could really dispute my findings, funny thing after I started taking pictures no one wanted to dispute my findings, either for the contractor or against the contractor.

The contractor was supposed to clean all of the stalls twice a week. I get a call that there is a bugger mural on the wall in building such and such. Bugger mural? WTH is a bugger mural.

Well I found out......someone had way to much time on their hands. I wrote it up just like that and it came back as non-supported......a single bugger was not a contract violation. What part of bugger mural do you not understand? It was about a 2X4 patch of some type of design on the stall door. No picture......no way did it happen, cause you know we are talking about fine upstanding military people here, versus contracting scum.

Like they always say, a picture is worth a thousand words.
“Complacency kills. Paranoia is the reason I’m still alive.” If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Last Knight » Sun Feb 05, 2012 11:06 pm

Laager needs a book contract.

Or at least a blog.

That is all.
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Which means my odds are greatly increased
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I thank the Lo~rd each day
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Laager » Mon Feb 06, 2012 4:54 pm

This one isn't nasty bad or job from hell bad.....just sort of funny.

The base that worked at was really very large and had some serious wild life as well as a lot of wooded land. Part of my job monitoring the refuse contract was to drive around the base and check to make sure that all the dumpster had been serviced (emptied) according to the schedule and if I found any of the "bear proof" dumpsters open then I had to get out and close them, as well as secure them from wildlife getting in.

No big deal, heck in fact out of the office for a few hours and up to half a day in a GOV 4X4 with a full tank of gas an 90% no cell phone reception. Heck life is good....someone else has to handle all the custodial calls till I get back.

Anyway driving around the far side of the post and halfway done with my road trip and I see a dumpster with the lid up. Oh well.....either someone was dumping stuff that they were not supposed to dump or the refuse workers failed to close the lid. I pull into the compound, park the truck, got my tunes going, life is great.

Slam the lid down, start to turn around and the lid pops back open....WTF? Just as a not very happy black bear come scrambling out of the dumpster, of course having the lid slam back down on top of him/her as it was trying to get out was not making it very happy. Said bear starts to rip the living you know what out of the dumpster lid......just ripped the darn thing right off and flung it to the side....biting the heck out of it as well.

Holy crap says I......still standing about 10 feet from my truck.....I'm thinking about the cost of repairing the dumpster...and about getting back to the office with this story.......then about this time my very delayed fight or flight response decides to kick it, the bear is out and running straight for me.....lay down and pretend I'm dead? Screw this shit......I immediately exit stage right and head for the flipping hills.....

After about 15 minutes of thrashing around in the woods, I circle back to my truck...which is still running, radio going and look for the bear. I don't see him, so I make a mad dash for the truck......get in slam the door....roll the manual windo up....(Cheap ass government trucks with no electric windows) and haul my scared shitless ass back to the office......

Lessons learned....never, ever, ever assume that the flipping dumpster was not inhabited by man eating or mauling critters.......from that point on I would lock the darn thing in 4X4 and bump the darn dumpster causing the lid to close, with any luck or just bump it to see what would come out first. Then a quick jump out and slam, lock and go....


Remind me to tell you about the time I had a few to many beers and had a monkey toss a rock into my head.......something I should have remembered fighting over a dumpster will get you maimed by the wildlife......freaking monkeys....
“Complacency kills. Paranoia is the reason I’m still alive.” If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by shrapnel » Mon Feb 06, 2012 5:00 pm

Laager wrote:After about 15 minutes of thrashing around in the woods, I circle back to my truck...which is still running, radio going and look for the bear. I don't see him, so I make a mad dash for the truck......get in slam the door....roll the manual windo up...
I was almost expecting you to say that the bear was in the back seat, waiting for you. :gonk:
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by TheLastRifleMan » Mon Feb 06, 2012 5:14 pm

Laager wrote:
TheLastRifleMan wrote:
Laager wrote:A few years back I worked for a U.S. Air Force base in contracting........unfortunately I had two of the worse contracts or what was at that time called the big three or top three contracts on base as well as some of the more minor contracts.

I had the Refuse and Custodial contracts. The other was grounds maintenance but we did not have a contract for that.

One day I received a phone call from the Base Civil Engineering building (CE), they had a complaint about the custodial service.....the lady that called me was the CE commander's secretary. Can't have the commanding officer of an entire squadron calling and causing a stink with our commander. So I tell her that I will be there in about 15 minutes. I call the custodial contrator's rep and tell him that we have a problem with the service at CE.

He tells me he does not have a problem, that I have a problem and that there is no flipping way they are cleaning up the mess. I ask him what was going on and he told me I would just have to see it for myself. He did consent to meeting me there (hey that was in the contract, someone from his company has to be there for all complaints).

So I hop in my trusty GOV (Government Owned Vehicle) and off I go.....I should point out that I had made it a habbit to bring my personal digital camera with me on all of my calls. Sometimes the written word just does not do a report justice, and well a picture was proof positive of a contractual violation.

Anyway I arrive at the CE building and head in, as I'm walking down the hallway towards the Commander's office I see a trail of what looks like mud weaving its way down the hallway and I think to myself, didn't we just have this carpet cleaned last week? The contract calls for two floor cleanings per year, smart people get it done after winter and just before winter.

About halfway down the hall I notice a smell, hmmmmm, what the heck is that smell? Wow, smells like someone dumped a half gallon of perfume on and was wandering around the hallways....with a funny under current smell that I just could not identify.

I get to the commander's office and find the secretary, the CE commander and the custodial company supervisor in a heated discussion.

I have no choice but to step in and try to mediate the issue. No one can tell any of the custodial workers what to do, other than the supervisor and myself as long as it is in the contract. Anything outside the scope of the contract can cause some serious problems as in they can and will charge you $100.00 or more to change a light bulb.....but they told me to change the light bulb......so I did....and here is the bill for work done outside the scope of the contract.

I get them apart and start to try to figure out what is going on....all the time the smell of all that perfume and the as yet unknown yet strangely familiar smell is giving me a massive headache.

Bottom line, we all head down to the female latrine, where it looks like a horror movie was filmed there.....instead of blood being splatterred all over the walls, the floor, the stalls, the toilet, the exit door, it is human feces.

It looked like someone had hooked a flipping hose to a honey bucket truck and sprayed the entire three stall female latrine with feces. It was everywhere and it was not in solid form.

WTF was all I could think of.....I mean come on folks we are talking about adults here and military servicewoman.

Well it turns out that they had this huge 300+ female that wandered around in a sun dress that had sometime in the past had some type of surgery to reduce her weight.......I'm wondering from just how large was she now that she had slimmed down to 300+ pounds.

Sadly the surgery did not take and she had stomach issues as in the food would go in and almost immediately come spewing back out without her having the ability to control it. This is where I find out that this is not the first time either, just the first time on my watch. She shit herself inside a GOV, and then went home....she also sat in her office chair and shit herself there as well as trailling it down the hallway.

So here we are for the third flipping time and where is her office located? Oh about six offices away from the latrine, did they think to more her closer to the latrine, oh no they say, she does not want to move....it is not a good subject to bring up....she gets embarassed you know.

WTF.....so she doesn't get embarassed when she shits herself as she waddles down the flipping hallway in her mumu or sun dress?

Okay says I.....after taking some pictures of the latrine, the hallway carpet, her office carpet and the carpet leading to the exit she used as well as the steps out the door.....we are done here. The commander says to me when can you get this cleaned up? I say...never....it is way outside the scope of the contract and it involves bodily fluids which makes this a Biohazard and requires someone with the proper training to clean it up.

Have a nice day, my job is done here says I. But whose going to clean this up says the commander, I say not me, not this contractor...how about you have the one that made the mess clean it up because otherwise you are going to have to come up with some unit funds to have this cleaned up. We do not have a contract in place to cover biohazards, or maybe you can call the post hospital and see what they can do. They asked the contractor what he would charge to clean it up (right in front of me, can you say contract violation?) and he told them that he would charge them at least $50,000.00 dollars.

Needless to say I wasn't even in my GOV before my cell phone rang and the contracting officer wanted to know why I wasn't supporting CE over the contractor. I told her that it was not my job to support the contractor or the people complaining that something or other had not been done or done right, it was my job to enforce the contract and if she wanted to come down and stand around in a shit covered latrine feel free to do so.

A few days later I heard that (from the contractor) two ladies from CE (civilian co workers) had cleaned up the latrine and steam cleaned the hallway and offices. That they had some GI hose off the steps. After four years of this they still did not make her move closer to the latrine and just about once or twice a month she would shit herself somewhere after going to lunch.

My wife and I went off post to eat lunch at an Oriental place and after sitting down, who should come waddling in but the CE Shitter and some co-workers. When they saw me they glared at me and moved to the other side of the all you can eat buffet.

Boy could she shovel in the food....I counted 12 trips to the buffet line.....my wife asked me why I was laughing and I told her I would tell her later on.....so I did....she was not amused especially since she worked for Military Public Health.

I should point out that for some odd reason rumor control had it that the CE shitter was extremely popular with the men........in fact she always had an office full of roses on V-day and usually a dozen or so most of the time.

I have no idea what the deal was, but from what I saw she did have some male friends around.....I guess there is just no telling what some people won't get into.

imho, if it was me and her on an island with no hope of rescue, I'd kill her and hang out with Wilson till I died.
You win.

Not a chance.....yours are way better.....lol...mainly cause I have a feeling other people's misery is the best.....lol
Thanks for the vote of confidence. I have been wracking my memory for some other tales from my work and hope to post some more soon.
Image

"If ye break faith with those who died,
We shall not sleep..."

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Laager » Mon Feb 06, 2012 5:26 pm

TheLastRifleMan wrote:
Laager wrote:
TheLastRifleMan wrote:
Laager wrote:A few years back I worked for a U.S. Air Force base in contracting........unfortunately I had two of the worse contracts or what was at that time called the big three or top three contracts on base as well as some of the more minor contracts.

I had the Refuse and Custodial contracts. The other was grounds maintenance but we did not have a contract for that.

One day I received a phone call from the Base Civil Engineering building (CE), they had a complaint about the custodial service.....the lady that called me was the CE commander's secretary. Can't have the commanding officer of an entire squadron calling and causing a stink with our commander. So I tell her that I will be there in about 15 minutes. I call the custodial contrator's rep and tell him that we have a problem with the service at CE.

He tells me he does not have a problem, that I have a problem and that there is no flipping way they are cleaning up the mess. I ask him what was going on and he told me I would just have to see it for myself. He did consent to meeting me there (hey that was in the contract, someone from his company has to be there for all complaints).

So I hop in my trusty GOV (Government Owned Vehicle) and off I go.....I should point out that I had made it a habbit to bring my personal digital camera with me on all of my calls. Sometimes the written word just does not do a report justice, and well a picture was proof positive of a contractual violation.

Anyway I arrive at the CE building and head in, as I'm walking down the hallway towards the Commander's office I see a trail of what looks like mud weaving its way down the hallway and I think to myself, didn't we just have this carpet cleaned last week? The contract calls for two floor cleanings per year, smart people get it done after winter and just before winter.

About halfway down the hall I notice a smell, hmmmmm, what the heck is that smell? Wow, smells like someone dumped a half gallon of perfume on and was wandering around the hallways....with a funny under current smell that I just could not identify.

I get to the commander's office and find the secretary, the CE commander and the custodial company supervisor in a heated discussion.

I have no choice but to step in and try to mediate the issue. No one can tell any of the custodial workers what to do, other than the supervisor and myself as long as it is in the contract. Anything outside the scope of the contract can cause some serious problems as in they can and will charge you $100.00 or more to change a light bulb.....but they told me to change the light bulb......so I did....and here is the bill for work done outside the scope of the contract.

I get them apart and start to try to figure out what is going on....all the time the smell of all that perfume and the as yet unknown yet strangely familiar smell is giving me a massive headache.

Bottom line, we all head down to the female latrine, where it looks like a horror movie was filmed there.....instead of blood being splatterred all over the walls, the floor, the stalls, the toilet, the exit door, it is human feces.

It looked like someone had hooked a flipping hose to a honey bucket truck and sprayed the entire three stall female latrine with feces. It was everywhere and it was not in solid form.

WTF was all I could think of.....I mean come on folks we are talking about adults here and military servicewoman.

Well it turns out that they had this huge 300+ female that wandered around in a sun dress that had sometime in the past had some type of surgery to reduce her weight.......I'm wondering from just how large was she now that she had slimmed down to 300+ pounds.

Sadly the surgery did not take and she had stomach issues as in the food would go in and almost immediately come spewing back out without her having the ability to control it. This is where I find out that this is not the first time either, just the first time on my watch. She shit herself inside a GOV, and then went home....she also sat in her office chair and shit herself there as well as trailling it down the hallway.

So here we are for the third flipping time and where is her office located? Oh about six offices away from the latrine, did they think to more her closer to the latrine, oh no they say, she does not want to move....it is not a good subject to bring up....she gets embarassed you know.

WTF.....so she doesn't get embarassed when she shits herself as she waddles down the flipping hallway in her mumu or sun dress?

Okay says I.....after taking some pictures of the latrine, the hallway carpet, her office carpet and the carpet leading to the exit she used as well as the steps out the door.....we are done here. The commander says to me when can you get this cleaned up? I say...never....it is way outside the scope of the contract and it involves bodily fluids which makes this a Biohazard and requires someone with the proper training to clean it up.

Have a nice day, my job is done here says I. But whose going to clean this up says the commander, I say not me, not this contractor...how about you have the one that made the mess clean it up because otherwise you are going to have to come up with some unit funds to have this cleaned up. We do not have a contract in place to cover biohazards, or maybe you can call the post hospital and see what they can do. They asked the contractor what he would charge to clean it up (right in front of me, can you say contract violation?) and he told them that he would charge them at least $50,000.00 dollars.

Needless to say I wasn't even in my GOV before my cell phone rang and the contracting officer wanted to know why I wasn't supporting CE over the contractor. I told her that it was not my job to support the contractor or the people complaining that something or other had not been done or done right, it was my job to enforce the contract and if she wanted to come down and stand around in a shit covered latrine feel free to do so.

A few days later I heard that (from the contractor) two ladies from CE (civilian co workers) had cleaned up the latrine and steam cleaned the hallway and offices. That they had some GI hose off the steps. After four years of this they still did not make her move closer to the latrine and just about once or twice a month she would shit herself somewhere after going to lunch.

My wife and I went off post to eat lunch at an Oriental place and after sitting down, who should come waddling in but the CE Shitter and some co-workers. When they saw me they glared at me and moved to the other side of the all you can eat buffet.

Boy could she shovel in the food....I counted 12 trips to the buffet line.....my wife asked me why I was laughing and I told her I would tell her later on.....so I did....she was not amused especially since she worked for Military Public Health.

I should point out that for some odd reason rumor control had it that the CE shitter was extremely popular with the men........in fact she always had an office full of roses on V-day and usually a dozen or so most of the time.

I have no idea what the deal was, but from what I saw she did have some male friends around.....I guess there is just no telling what some people won't get into.

imho, if it was me and her on an island with no hope of rescue, I'd kill her and hang out with Wilson till I died.
You win.

Not a chance.....yours are way better.....lol...mainly cause I have a feeling other people's misery is the best.....lol
Thanks for the vote of confidence. I have been wracking my memory for some other tales from my work and hope to post some more soon.

Dude, I thought my job was sometimes bad, I don't know how you do it. I mean at most I had to toss some boots away after wading in some nasty stuff, put up with contractors and contract workers who (while they may have been great people) just did not seem to understand that I was not allowed to eat with them, go fishing with them, go hunting with them or generally hang out with them....to include gifts. Some wildlife that on occasion scared the crap out of me, and of course moronic civil servants that instead of being fired, usually got transferred or even promoted.

Now when I was active duty I got into some weird stuff....but that is another story or two or three...... :)
“Complacency kills. Paranoia is the reason I’m still alive.” If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya.

Laager
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Posts: 840
Joined: Sun Jun 20, 2010 9:25 pm

Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Laager » Mon Feb 06, 2012 5:29 pm

shrapnel wrote:
Laager wrote:After about 15 minutes of thrashing around in the woods, I circle back to my truck...which is still running, radio going and look for the bear. I don't see him, so I make a mad dash for the truck......get in slam the door....roll the manual windo up...
I was almost expecting you to say that the bear was in the back seat, waiting for you. :gonk:
Trust me I edged way the heck out to get a real good look inside before I dashed from the woodline to the truck. I just knew that sneaky sob was waiting for me to let my guard down. More than likely he was back at the den talking crap about me....... :lol:
“Complacency kills. Paranoia is the reason I’m still alive.” If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya.

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