My Job, My Hell...

Share a survival experience with us and explain what you learned from it. You might help someone.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Shiloh » Sat Jun 01, 2013 11:01 pm

First instance of "lost faith in humanity" at work: Folding clothes in the kids section and found a shirt that said, and I quote, "Be careful; I've got a blackbelt in SWAG."

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Viper shtf » Wed Jun 05, 2013 12:15 pm

Thinking about getting my unarmed security guard license, then armed, and then bodyguard license, since all the classes are pretty cheap, and it would beat working at Wal-Mart. Any thoughts? Here's a link to the classes at a school not too far from me.

http://www.topgun-securityservices.com/ ... allas.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
PistolPete wrote:Seriously, fashion is dumb. But my wife likes the way they make my ass look or the way you can follow the veins on my balls through the denim or something. Whatever. I can dress up once in a while.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by TheLastRifleMan » Wed Jun 05, 2013 4:54 pm

Why not? It is always a good thing to have a set of skills to fall back on in case things go wrong. Having those credentials sure couldn't hurt.
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Viper shtf » Wed Jun 05, 2013 11:30 pm

That's what I was thinking. Plus, how many people can say they're a bodyguard? :awesome:
PistolPete wrote:Seriously, fashion is dumb. But my wife likes the way they make my ass look or the way you can follow the veins on my balls through the denim or something. Whatever. I can dress up once in a while.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Jsimmonsgr » Thu Jun 06, 2013 10:56 am

It never hurts to have good credentials. I will say however that doing executive protection detail ( the 'professional' name for bodyguard work) SUCKS GIANT BALLS! The pay ain't bad, but 9 out of 10 times it is not NEAR enough for what you have to deal with. I did that shit for almost a year, and let me tell you, when YOU want to shoot the person you are supposed to guard the job sucks. About half of the people you guard act like you are their servant, and the other half barely treat you like a human being. Plus the big reason that someone has a bodyguard is because they think ( rightfully so in some cases) that someone is out to get them. Yeah you get cool toys ( depending on the company) and the pay is decent, but remember that your job is essentially to be a big fat target ( and hopefully be the one who ends up getting shot first) to allow your 'patron' time to escape. I decided about 8 months into that business that there is NO amount of money worth that.
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Viper shtf » Thu Jun 06, 2013 12:16 pm

I don't plan on doing it for the rest of my life, just for now, to pay the bills.
PistolPete wrote:Seriously, fashion is dumb. But my wife likes the way they make my ass look or the way you can follow the veins on my balls through the denim or something. Whatever. I can dress up once in a while.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Jsimmonsgr » Thu Jun 06, 2013 1:22 pm

That was why I did it, I got out because the fella who hired and trained me ended up getting shot and was hospitilized for a while. While it can be decent, the pay is not good enough to offset the large hospital bill that can and occationally WILL be occured.
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Viper shtf » Wed Jun 12, 2013 11:54 pm

Any duty gear recommendations? It seems that everyone wants you to have your own... I have a Ruger revolver, speedloaders, and Bianchi thumbsnap retention holster already.
PistolPete wrote:Seriously, fashion is dumb. But my wife likes the way they make my ass look or the way you can follow the veins on my balls through the denim or something. Whatever. I can dress up once in a while.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Doc8404 » Thu Jun 13, 2013 1:33 am

This is one that I'll pluck that I'll give to ya'll that is one of my more tasteful stories:

WARNING: Not for the faint of heart and dealing with fecal matter


I got extremely sick while I first went through Field Med and got held back as a SAT until the next class. They couldn't find out what was wrong with me but X-rays showed my guts were backed up with shit and I had to have a Foley catheter because I couldn't piss. They couldn't diagnose me with anything and believed me to be malingering to not have to complete Field Med which I thought was hilarious since I couldn't see how I could back my sheet up and not piss. Before I start, I graduated FMSS with distinction and I think what it was was alcohol withdrawals.

Anyways, so I'm up one morning like usual at this time, about 3:45 a.m. since you can't smoke cigarettes after 4. I probably haven't pooped in a week even though I've been taking the laxative I've been prescribed, so I'm smoking a cigarette, and you know how they can act as a laxative? Wham, bam, holy crap ma'am

So I put out my cigarette and run for the bathroom while crap is running down my leg since I have running shorts on, I'm trying to get to the stall and catch my crap at the same time, about the time I open the stall and pull my shorts down I spray the toilet down with my Exorcist-esque spray of the most vile, it had it's own unique texture between toxic waste of various kinds, water, solid chunks possible I think like when someone pukes on a wall and you get those tiny chunks, that came from a dimension that opened somewhere between my ass and the toilet that came from Satans own asshole, because I refuse to believe that was my doing.

So I get done cleaning up. When it happens again and I have to go to the next stall over because I only got done cleaning myself not the ;scene of the crime;. So I do it again in the next stall over, more of the same "Oh thank you God finally" to "Holy SH%$....I'm not cleaning that up." Which is what I did not to, clean up the ridiculous mess of shit that I had made, I only put a wet floor sign in front of the toilets.

I think three days went by before someone mentioned the mess of shit in the bathroom. The poop had hardened up and became known as "shitsicles". Someone was about to clean it up for me but I ended up going back and cleaning it up.

For the record, we pulled pranks on each other all the time, so I felt like that was the one upper.

It was at the top of my head so sorry for pulling out the most disgusting.
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Jsimmonsgr » Thu Jun 13, 2013 11:12 am

Viper shtf wrote:Any duty gear recommendations? It seems that everyone wants you to have your own... I have a Ruger revolver, speedloaders, and Bianchi thumbsnap retention holster already.

I suppose that a revolver would work, however many companies will want you to have a semi auto ( preferably one that is in a 'duty' caliber, and from a well respected manufacturer). The place I worked for had a list of 'approved' guns if I remember it went something like 1.GLOCK, 2. SiG, 3. Springfield XD, 4. S&W third gen. Also get ARMOR! Seriously, at a bare minimum get a concealable vest in the highest test level you can afford, mine was a lvl 3 with lvl 4 front and back plates. I had to get some interesting tailoring done to a couple of suits but I figured that the weight heat and expense was worth saving my ass. Finally a couple of tips,
1. Get the best ammo possible, Winchester Ranger 'T-series', Federal 'HST', or Barnes Xtreme.
2. If availible in your area, get a taser. These things are great for both de-escalating a situation, and for giving you a less lethal option when you need it.
3. Handcuffs or zipties, most locals allow for the securing of a subject when you think he is a threat to yourself or others.
4. Flashlight, get a good one. Don't go weapon mounted, you don't want to be waving your gun around when all you need is to see the keyhole in a lock. I used to carry two, one was a little 50 lumin light from Energizer that ran off one AA battery, the other was a 500 lumin Surefire E2D LED Defender Ultra.

Hope this helps.
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Phone 480-217-4742 ( Let me know you are from ZS, I get a LOT of telemarketing calls and might be a bit gruff when I answer.)
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Viper shtf » Thu Jun 13, 2013 7:43 pm

That does help, and I'm planning on buying a semi auto, I just need the job to be able to afford it. :wink: I have the. 357 loaded with Hornandy XTP's. Does it matter what brand belt I buy? How about a handcuff recommendation?
PistolPete wrote:Seriously, fashion is dumb. But my wife likes the way they make my ass look or the way you can follow the veins on my balls through the denim or something. Whatever. I can dress up once in a while.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Jsimmonsgr » Fri Jun 14, 2013 10:17 am

The belt and holster will depend on what kind of duties you have. If its a static post and you are supposed to be visibly armed then a duty belt and retention holster, if its supposed to be fairly low key ( most of mine were ) then a QUALITY belt and holster combo. I almost exclusivly use leather as it is by far the most comfortable in the widest variety of body positions. As far as cuffs, get Peerless hinged cuffs. Do not get chain cuffs unless you have no choice. Hinged are much more difficult to pick and escape, plus if the subject get a little squirlly you can use hinged cuffs as a pain complience device. ( You lock them in the wrist joint, if needed you apply pressure, along the horizontal plane, to basicly put the subject in a joint lock.)
J.
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Phone 480-217-4742 ( Let me know you are from ZS, I get a LOT of telemarketing calls and might be a bit gruff when I answer.)
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Samurai Penguin » Thu Jul 04, 2013 3:23 pm

sheddi wrote:This thread came to mind when I read this:

http://hisz.rsoe.hu/alertmap/site/?page ... -39412-USA" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
RSOE EDIS wrote:Officials say what appears to be dry ice in a plastic bottle caused a small explosion at Disneyland, bringing evacuations but no reports of injuries. Anaheim police spokesman Sgt Bob Dunn says the blast was reported at 5.30pm (local time) in Disneyland's Toontown area, which was evacuated as a precaution. Police are investigating and an Orange County sheriff's bomb squad was headed to the scene. Park visitor Allen Wolf says he was about six metres from the blast, near Toontown's City Hall. He said the sound was similar to a gunshot, but louder. Wolf says the park's music never stopped playing as security surrounded the trash cans where the bang came from and told visitors they were evacuating. Disneyland officials did not immediately reply to a message seeking comment. Anaheim police investigated with assistance from an Orange County sheriff's bomb squad. About two hours after the explosion the review was completed, the area was deemed safe and guests were allowed to return to Toontown, Disneyland said. Park visitor Allen Wolf says he was about six metres from the blast, near Toontown's City Hall.
I was nowhere near the place. :lol:
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by A Pimp Named Slickback » Tue Jul 09, 2013 11:00 am

Working retail made me realized half of society is doomed Mine are not as bad as your guys' but it's more than enough from me. People coming in smelling like drugs and alcohol, women who are trying to get dates and fat slobs that are a waste of my tax dollars.
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I hate you guys sometimes
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by TheLastRifleMan » Tue Jul 09, 2013 5:02 pm

Working retail is about the worst series of jobs I ever had. Less then half the people are decent while the rest have to be seen or experienced to be believed.
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Stercutus » Tue Jul 09, 2013 6:55 pm

TheLastRifleMan wrote:Working retail is about the worst series of jobs I ever had. Less then half the people are decent while the rest have to be seen or experienced to be believed.
Try selling cars.
You go 'round and around it
You go over and under
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by TheLastRifleMan » Tue Jul 09, 2013 8:29 pm

You Win.
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by TODP » Wed Jul 10, 2013 12:45 pm

I got nothing special.

As an EMT while transporting a patient, the 4 m radio is always on, I can hear the dispatch talking to another rig.

Vehicle: "Dispatch, 1/81/1, over."
Dispatch: "1/81/1, proceed."
Vehicle: "Standing at Example Road 242 northbound. There's a tree on the road, need Fire Department, over."
Dispatch: "1/81/1, exit the vehicle and read what's written on the hood, over."
Vehicle: "Say again?"
Dispatch: "You ARE the fire department."
Vehicle: "Right. I keep forgetting that."

Change of service lately? :lol:
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Shiloh » Wed Jul 10, 2013 12:47 pm

TheOldDopePeddler wrote:I got nothing special.

As an EMT while transporting a patient, the 4 m radio is always on, I can hear the dispatch talking to another rig.

Vehicle: "Dispatch, 1/81/1, over."
Dispatch: "1/81/1, proceed."
Vehicle: "Standing at Example Road 242 northbound. There's a tree on the road, need Fire Department, over."
Dispatch: "1/81/1, exit the vehicle and read what's written on the hood, over."
Vehicle: "Say again?"
Dispatch: "You ARE the fire department."
Vehicle: "Right. I keep forgetting that."

Change of service lately? :lol:
:lol: That is awesome!

Edit: Honestly I haven't had too many bad experiences so far. The one I do remember was last month. A woman was buying a metric shit-ton of cat food, dvd's, and a few groceries. She barely acknowledges my existence while I'm bagging everything up, but I'm listening while she talks with her 30-something year old son next to her. Here's a few good snippets that I can recall:

"You need to clean your room when we get home, I don't feed you so that you can have a messy room."

When I told her that she couldn't use her food stamps to buy the 20+ cans of cat food: "That's bullshit! It's food, ain't it? And these is food stamps!"

-Bitching about how the government should give her more unemployment money, while talking on her brand new iPhone 5.
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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by emclean » Fri Jul 12, 2013 9:46 am

first off let me thank you for destroying my productivity for the week, and having to try to explain to the boss why i was convulsing in laughter.
second thank you for the entertainment, so i thought i should toss out one of my own.
i like to call it "Things that a Vulcan barrel will stabilize"
but first a little background, my section had a single Vulcan barrel (why, I have no clue, we never dealt with them we were LCSS, as in Land Combat Service and Support, and the Vulcan was out of service for a few years before I got there), and we had to find something to do with it. You have to understand, my section was the trouble makers, not up to Lagger’s standards, but for POG’s and REMF’s we did OK. So we come across this barrel in out CONNEX (mini shipping container), and have to find some use for it.
First off we rig a thumb tack in the chamber, and launch these Nitrogen cartridges from it. they looked like 12g CO2 cartridges, but were at a higher pressure (or at least got longer hang times when launched). We played mortar with it for a couple of weeks, we chipped in and bought a few of the 12g and my squad leader kept ‘finding’ the nitrogen ones.
This was great fun, launch it up, and try to guess where in the asphalt compound it was going to come down. a whoosh, followed by 20-20 seconds of silence, then a loud ping as it bounces off the pavement, or silence, and us waiting to hear if anyone screams. You know good clean fun. That came to a screeching halt one Wednesday.
Wednesdays in the 782 was Sergeants’ time training in the morning followed by the weekly PMCS (Preventive Maintenance, Checks and Service) of the equipment. being that our stuff was used very rarely, we had written up a master PMCS sheet a while back, and would just copy to every week, so we had time to kill. Out comes the barrel. We kept our equipment (4+ ton shelter of a test station) between us and the rest of the line of truck, and decided to try to bounce a few off the pavement as close to them as we could.
Whoosh… tick… tick… tick
Our first one goes up, and we don’t hear it hit, so we adjust fire.
Whoosh … tick…tick GD it what in the hell, LCSS what are you doing?
The cartridge cam down in the middle of a huddle consisting of the Platoon leader, and shop officer (one guy) the platoon sergeant, the ADA warrant officer, and NCOIC of the ADA section. Apparently landed just about perfectly in the middle of them, and bounced away. No one was hurt, just scared the hell out of the PS. We got that barrel stewed in record time and scattered.
I was found in the supply van, ‘caught’ reading a novel.

Later we found out that an Estes A model rocket engine will get enough spin out of the barrel to stabilize in flight as well. a single rocket engine launched through the Camp All American AO was enough for us to put it up and not try it again.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Laager » Sun Jul 14, 2013 1:53 pm

emclean wrote: Later we found out that an Estes A model rocket engine will get enough spin out of the barrel to stabilize in flight as well. a single rocket engine launched through the Camp All American AO was enough for us to put it up and not try it again.
:lol: :lol:

I would have paid good money to see something like that! My parents used to say “idle hands are the devil's workshop” till I got older then they stopped saying it, cause I always those Proverbs 10:4 was more to my way of thinking "Idle hands make one poor, but diligent hands bring riches."

Nothing like unsupervised males to make life interesting.
“Complacency kills. Paranoia is the reason I’m still alive.” If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Laager » Sun Jul 14, 2013 2:17 pm

Well I have been off around the country as well as outside CONUS visiting (that's my story, but Lil actually made me go with her) different military bases. A road trip to Naval Submarine Base New London to pick up one of Jeff's old squid buddies that needed/wanted to relocate due to having a couple of "douchebag" kids.


Note to self....toilets that are only attached to the wall and not the floor should have a weight limit sign posted on them.

Me: Man I need to hit the latrine, does the Shoppette here (sort of like a civilian 7-11, but on a military base for military only) have a latrine?

Dean: How the heck would I know, I was in the Air Force and this is a Navy base.

Jeff: Should have, why?

Me: Cause I need to use it.....

So off I go heading to the door, ask the clerk and she points me towards the male/female latrines. As I near the male latrine (single patron use) I see a rather hefty female standing outside the female latrine and eyeballing the male latrine door. So with a quick pardon me, I ease on by and slip in the door.

First step, take a look around, hmmmm looks clean, toilet paper in place, seat covers as well, so I look at the door to check the lock situation (no one wants or needs to see me taking a dump), double check to make sure the door is locked and then drop trou and sit down. As I settle in I hear an ominous creaking sound and feel a shifting sensation/moving of the toilet. Hmmmm, I think what should I do, wait for a bit longer, or get out? While my gut is rumbling away telling me to download now, my "agent orange" is acting up telling me to get the fark out.

I opt for getting the fark out. As I exit the restroom the female is still standing there and the guys are walking up behind her. She decides to use the male latrine and darts in.

Me: Ma'am, I wouldn't use.....

Her: Mind your own business.

Me: Okay.

Dean: What the hell are you starting now?

Me: Nothing, I was just going to tell her about the toilet.

Jeff: What about the......

That is right about when we hear this loud crack/crash/smash along with a female scream and then the sound of splashing water.

Dean: Time to go.

Me: Is that water coming out from underneath the door?

Clerk: Hey what's going on back there?

Me: I'd call CE (Civil Engineering) and get a plumber over here if I was you as well as maybe 911 you have a patron down....and a huge clean up in the latrine.

The door to the men's latrine opens up and out staggers a soaked female and we can see water shooting out of the wall and splashing everywhere. The toilet was broken into pieces and laying on the floor.

Female patron: Glaring at me......what did you do to the toilet?

Me: Me? What do you mean me? It was your fat ass that took it off the wall.

Dean: Time to go........

Jeff: I think it is way past time that we go......

So we left........
“Complacency kills. Paranoia is the reason I’m still alive.” If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya.

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Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by Laager » Sun Jul 14, 2013 3:15 pm

Recently my son was married and we had some of Lil's family come down for it. One of her nephew's came down and brought his girl friend (both are Active Duty Air Force Security Forces personnel).

One day after the wedding we all head out to the local military post personnel office, then over to the PX and are sitting around in the food court. The men are eating and waiting for further orders as to where we are heading next.

Up walks this Security Forces Airman in full on geared up uniform mode, ready to rock n roll, who stopped at our table to say hi to nephew and his gf.

After the airman walks away, the GF turns to my wife and says something to the effect that drool was coming out of my mouth.

Lil just laughs and says its nothing and that I always do that.

GF gets a bit irate about it. Something about sexual harassment or lack of respect for my wife, lack of respect for all females everywhere.

I'm off in my own little world when I hear Lil say my name, so I take my eyes off of the the ceiling tile.

Me: Yes?

Lil: What color was that girls hair?

Me: What girl? Now I'm wondering what the fark? There's a dozen or more females wandering around the food court, not to mention the ones that are working behind the assorted counters.

Lil: The Airman that just left, the one you were staring at.

Me: I don't know.

Lil: Eye color? Size of her breasts? Height/weight? Name? Ethnicity? Was she cute?

Me: Uhhhhh I don't know...how the hell should I know if she was cute or not? I didn't even really notice it was a girl till you told me. I was busy checking stuff out.

GF: Perv.

Lil: Still laughing.......What type of firearm did she have strapped to her left leg?

Me: It was strapped to her right leg, indicating that she is possibly right handed. Beretta M9 - 9mm.

Lil: Anything else?

Me: Well she had three mags for a possible total of 45 rounds of FMJ 9mm, maybe 46.

Lil: Why is there a difference in the amount of ammo?

Me: Not sure if she had one in the chamber or not.

Lil: Anything else you can tell me about her?

Me: She had a nice self opening Benchmark knife attached to her thigh holster as well as one spare mag and a asp. She had front, rear and side plates in her plate carrier, with six 30 round magpul mags, an M16 in M4 config using the 5.56mm round, with a Trijicon ACOG with BUIS on it as well. Her plate carrier was worn in the proper manner and not like the ones at the gate with them hanging around below their waists. Total round count not more than 211 rounds, possibly less. Because I am not sure she loaded up all her mags or not, plus one in the chamber, also she has some type of fixed blade knife as well as a taser gun and assorted non lethal equipment. Oh and her uniform was mismatched. She also had a single mag carrier for the third and final M9 mag.

Man I sure would like to get my hands on her folding knife and that ACOG. I think it was the Trijicon ACOG 6X48 model. Hey Ron (nephew), any chance you can ask her about the ACOG and folder?

Ron: I'm staying out of this.

Me: What this?

Lil: The current conversation revolving around your lack of social manners. I'm using you to make a point.

Me: Why do you always have to use me to make a point?

Lil: Cause it is my job, now please shut up and eat your burrito. And before you even ask.......no I am not going to buy you another ACOG, so don't even bother coming up with an excuse to ask me to.

Me: Well I do have a birthday coming up....

Lil: No.

Me: Christmas?

Lil: No.

Me: Anniversary?

Lil: No

Me: Combo present?

Lil: No, drop it.

Me: I shall endeavor to persevere!

Lil to the GF: That's what I am afraid of.....see what you started.

Me: So Dean, what the fark just happened and what does the sex of that airman have to do with it.

Dean: Just let it go.....just let it go.

Me: Uhhhh Lil.....my burrito is cold.......as I look around the table.

Lil: Stop.

Junior: Let it go Dad.

The Boy: Dad, you can't win this one.

Me: But my burrito is cold and I need a refill........

In chorus: Shut up and eat your burrito!!

I got the first part of the conversation from my son and his wife, the last part I picked up while chowing down on my burrito and deciding to pay a bit more attention to my immediate surroundings.

I did manage to get Junior to get me a refill, but no sympathy for my cold burrito so I was required to eat it cold.

Now all I have to do is figure out how can I get my hands on one of those 6X48 ACOGs.
“Complacency kills. Paranoia is the reason I’m still alive.” If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya.

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TODP
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Posts: 254
Joined: Fri Apr 19, 2013 1:53 pm
Location: intermediate

Re: My Job, My Hell...

Post by TODP » Mon Jul 15, 2013 4:03 pm

Laager wrote: . . .
I don't blame you for checking her out. I would have done the same. This lady is HOT.

Sure, she might not be as young and fit as those hip things with all the plastic curves. And the may be a bit heavyset. But still... I wanna do unspeakable things to her. Run my hands all over. Finger her knob. Get really hot and dirty, and then lube up all her holes. Mhhh...

Yeah, there's something to be said for Italian ladies. The 92 line in particular.

Stand by for some porn.

Ready?

Image

Mhhhh... gang bang.


Thank you for your time,
TODP.
I am, and ever will be, a white-socks, pocket-protector, nerdy engineer -- born under the second law of thermodynamics, steeped in the steam tables, in love with free-body diagrams, transformed by Laplace, and propelled by compressible flow.
Neil Armstrong (2000) The Engineered Century. The Bridge 30-1: 14-18

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