strangest thing you have ever seen

Share a survival experience with us and explain what you learned from it. You might help someone.

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Re: strangest thing you have ever seen

Post by Bad Penny 08 » Mon Dec 07, 2009 1:26 pm

Did you get hazard pay?
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Re: strangest thing you have ever seen

Post by HK91 » Mon Dec 07, 2009 4:31 pm

Man that stuff you guys are smoking must be way better than what I've been getting I hope somebody will share some of that with me.

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Re: strangest thing you have ever seen

Post by Lionheart » Mon Dec 07, 2009 5:43 pm

TheLastRifleMan wrote:
razi wrote:I think Arch wins the strange shit award.
With oak leaf clusters! Indeed!

I have one experience in what I experienced had to do more with what I heard and smelled rather then what I saw. Let me explain:

I have a unique occupation, to say the least. I repair power wheel chairs and scooters for a company that manufactures and sells the latter. When they break down, I go to the customer's home and repair them as best I can. Sometimes these places of residence are not the cleanest or most sanitary places to find oneself. This situation was one of them.

This is the second company I have worked for in this capacity. The first company I worked for, and was later fired from, was a complete "home health care provider". They sold everything from adult diapers to bariatric (700 lbs. or greater capacity) hospital beds, you name it. Basically, if it had wheels and did not carry oxygen, I was the man.

One very cold February morning, my dispatcher/paperwork manager/village idiot sent me on a call to the north part of town to fix a hospital style powered bed. The only description of the problem was "not working", so I had to be ready for anything, which sometimes is impossible. So I load up my tools, whatever spare parts I think I will need and head out into 12 degree F weather to see what I can do.

The roads were miserable. Instead of 20 minutes of drive time, it takes me twice that, even the side streets were the consistency of oiled glass. I find the house (this is before mapquest and GPS navigation systems, so I became quite adroit at map reading), pull in and go up to the door.

At a glance, I knew I was going to be in for what Betty Davis described as a "bumpy ride". There was a narrow walk way through a solid wall of trash to the front door. Broken riding toys, bicycles, car parts (mostly broken and rusted), mountains of empty soda pop and pint bottles of cheap vodka combined with black plastic bags of decaying matter completely filling the enclosed porch from floor to ceiling. I knocked on the door and was answered by a voice screaming "Who is it?!" loudly and curtly. I answered and the only reply I got was the sound of at least four deadbolt locks being turned.

A women answered the door in a what may have been once a pale blue terry cloth bath robe with a purple track suit underneath. It took me a second to see her because my eyes began to instantly water from a) the 120 F wave of heat that smacked me as soon as she opened the door and b) the general miasma of odors that assailed me. A mix of old grease fires, marijuana, cigarettes, old urine, rotten food and as of yet undisposed diapers. It was all I could do to keep the two brown sugar cinnamon Pop tarts I ate for breakfast from coming up for a second go. The woman, who had to yell at the top of her tobacco damaged voice, because there were three TV's (in the same room) all tuned in to different channels and turned to maximum volume, told me what room the bed was in and lead the way.

This room contained as much clutter as the rest of the house with the exception of the bed, which contained a woman who weighed as much as the car I owned at the time. She was just flat out enormous, huge and asleep. Or so I assumed. I about to learn that what they say about what happens when you ASSUME something was quite true. I kicked a path through the clutter, pulled out what seemed about a ton of various household items from underneath the bed, flipped on my headlamp (an invaluable tool for working underneath beds), took a deep breath and dove in.

I had checked the had control that raised and lowered the head of the bead before I started to dig the tunnel through the refuse and found it to be dead. Several things could be the cause and I knew what to look for, so at least, I thought, this would be quick. I searched around and found the cause of the problem, a broken power supply cord. And easy fix for the most part. Just two screws, remove the old cord, feed the new one through, replace the screws and have the paper work signed. I thought my luck was changing and as soon as I thought this, it happened.

It was the smell that I became aware of first. We have all smelled it, weather it be our own solid bodily waste or that of someone else'. None of us like it, since it offends the olfactory sense like nothing else. This was by far the worst I have ever smelled, bearing in mind that as a child I lived part time on my grandparents dairy farm that was downwind from a pig farm. "Foul" does not come close. Putrid, a little closer. I can honestly say I have never smelled solid human waste that was so bad that it made me gag but here it was. For a second, I though I might have knocked over an unseen bed pan or the like. I could not trace the direction of the smell although the source was obvious. It was then the sound came.

Liquid yet solid. Like jello being pushed out a vacuum cleaner, combined with the hiss of a freshly opened carbonated beverage with an egg thrown against a wall for good measure. It kept on and on, seemingly never ending but with a pause notated by a slight c-flat note from a trumpet between each take. I knew what was happening but my brain did not want to acknowledge nor accept it.

And it was all taking place a mere 6 inches from my face, the thickness of a mattress.

I backed out of there faster then Charles Bronson in the "Great Escape" when the tunnel collapsed. The piles of unknown refuse now fell on me as I pushed myself out with my feet and hands, all the while on my back. I am sure I must have looked like some deranged mental patient who had gone off their meds and was in the midst of some kind of seizure. Those two Pop Tarts were now saying to me "we're coming back up for a look now", my eyes were burning and my sense of smell was trying to convince my taste buds to join the party. I made my way out of the bedroom and headed back out to the front door, headlamp projecting a dim beam as I made some lame comment about having to "get a part from the van" as I hurtled myself out into the blessed deep freeze.

The cold snapped me back to my senses as it froze the perspiration. I had to steady myself for a while and did manage to keep the Pop Tarts from a nasty visit. I had to go back in. My tools, on which my livelihood depended and were a considerable investment, were still inside Chez Merde. I told myself "Pull yourself together, man! It's only a little shit! You are tougher then a fat woman's crap! Go back in there and finish the job!"

Yes, I did go back in, replaced the cord, had the paperwork signed and left. I called my boss and told him I was stopping home to change into a clean uniform and explained why (he was a great boss as well as a great person). When I got home, I stripped in my garage and placed the uniform in a garbage bag and sprayed myself with an industrial disinfectant that the label claimed "kills HIV virus under laboratory conditions", redressed and went to my next job for the day.

I never had to go back to that house.

Sorry about the long post. No other way to describe it.

That's probably the most horrific story I've read in this entire thread and maybe the most horrific thing I've read in all of Zombie Squad. :shock:
Pain or damage don't end the world. Or despair or fucking beatings. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man... and give some back.
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Re: strangest thing you have ever seen

Post by JCgoose » Mon Dec 07, 2009 6:01 pm

HK91 wrote:Man that stuff you guys are smoking must be way better than what I've been getting I hope somebody will share some of that with me.
hey before everything gets to ahead of its self why dont you head over to Introductions and say hello
'You know, those principles of yours are going to get you killed'
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shrapnel wrote:Porn fixes everything. Except for compulsive masturbation.
Mr. E. Monkey wrote:Even though Goose is practically speaking a different language, I still think his posts make more sense.

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Re: strangest thing you have ever seen

Post by TheLastRifleMan » Mon Dec 07, 2009 7:52 pm

Bad Penny 08 wrote:Did you get hazard pay?
No.
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Re: strangest thing you have ever seen

Post by TheLastRifleMan » Mon Dec 07, 2009 7:54 pm

Lionheart wrote:
TheLastRifleMan wrote:
razi wrote:I think Arch wins the strange shit award.
With oak leaf clusters! Indeed!

I have one experience in what I experienced had to do more with what I heard and smelled rather then what I saw. Let me explain:

I have a unique occupation, to say the least. I repair power wheel chairs and scooters for a company that manufactures and sells the latter. When they break down, I go to the customer's home and repair them as best I can. Sometimes these places of residence are not the cleanest or most sanitary places to find oneself. This situation was one of them.

This is the second company I have worked for in this capacity. The first company I worked for, and was later fired from, was a complete "home health care provider". They sold everything from adult diapers to bariatric (700 lbs. or greater capacity) hospital beds, you name it. Basically, if it had wheels and did not carry oxygen, I was the man.

One very cold February morning, my dispatcher/paperwork manager/village idiot sent me on a call to the north part of town to fix a hospital style powered bed. The only description of the problem was "not working", so I had to be ready for anything, which sometimes is impossible. So I load up my tools, whatever spare parts I think I will need and head out into 12 degree F weather to see what I can do.

The roads were miserable. Instead of 20 minutes of drive time, it takes me twice that, even the side streets were the consistency of oiled glass. I find the house (this is before mapquest and GPS navigation systems, so I became quite adroit at map reading), pull in and go up to the door.

At a glance, I knew I was going to be in for what Betty Davis described as a "bumpy ride". There was a narrow walk way through a solid wall of trash to the front door. Broken riding toys, bicycles, car parts (mostly broken and rusted), mountains of empty soda pop and pint bottles of cheap vodka combined with black plastic bags of decaying matter completely filling the enclosed porch from floor to ceiling. I knocked on the door and was answered by a voice screaming "Who is it?!" loudly and curtly. I answered and the only reply I got was the sound of at least four deadbolt locks being turned.

A women answered the door in a what may have been once a pale blue terry cloth bath robe with a purple track suit underneath. It took me a second to see her because my eyes began to instantly water from a) the 120 F wave of heat that smacked me as soon as she opened the door and b) the general miasma of odors that assailed me. A mix of old grease fires, marijuana, cigarettes, old urine, rotten food and as of yet undisposed diapers. It was all I could do to keep the two brown sugar cinnamon Pop tarts I ate for breakfast from coming up for a second go. The woman, who had to yell at the top of her tobacco damaged voice, because there were three TV's (in the same room) all tuned in to different channels and turned to maximum volume, told me what room the bed was in and lead the way.

This room contained as much clutter as the rest of the house with the exception of the bed, which contained a woman who weighed as much as the car I owned at the time. She was just flat out enormous, huge and asleep. Or so I assumed. I about to learn that what they say about what happens when you ASSUME something was quite true. I kicked a path through the clutter, pulled out what seemed about a ton of various household items from underneath the bed, flipped on my headlamp (an invaluable tool for working underneath beds), took a deep breath and dove in.

I had checked the had control that raised and lowered the head of the bead before I started to dig the tunnel through the refuse and found it to be dead. Several things could be the cause and I knew what to look for, so at least, I thought, this would be quick. I searched around and found the cause of the problem, a broken power supply cord. And easy fix for the most part. Just two screws, remove the old cord, feed the new one through, replace the screws and have the paper work signed. I thought my luck was changing and as soon as I thought this, it happened.

It was the smell that I became aware of first. We have all smelled it, weather it be our own solid bodily waste or that of someone else'. None of us like it, since it offends the olfactory sense like nothing else. This was by far the worst I have ever smelled, bearing in mind that as a child I lived part time on my grandparents dairy farm that was downwind from a pig farm. "Foul" does not come close. Putrid, a little closer. I can honestly say I have never smelled solid human waste that was so bad that it made me gag but here it was. For a second, I though I might have knocked over an unseen bed pan or the like. I could not trace the direction of the smell although the source was obvious. It was then the sound came.

Liquid yet solid. Like jello being pushed out a vacuum cleaner, combined with the hiss of a freshly opened carbonated beverage with an egg thrown against a wall for good measure. It kept on and on, seemingly never ending but with a pause notated by a slight c-flat note from a trumpet between each take. I knew what was happening but my brain did not want to acknowledge nor accept it.

And it was all taking place a mere 6 inches from my face, the thickness of a mattress.

I backed out of there faster then Charles Bronson in the "Great Escape" when the tunnel collapsed. The piles of unknown refuse now fell on me as I pushed myself out with my feet and hands, all the while on my back. I am sure I must have looked like some deranged mental patient who had gone off their meds and was in the midst of some kind of seizure. Those two Pop Tarts were now saying to me "we're coming back up for a look now", my eyes were burning and my sense of smell was trying to convince my taste buds to join the party. I made my way out of the bedroom and headed back out to the front door, headlamp projecting a dim beam as I made some lame comment about having to "get a part from the van" as I hurtled myself out into the blessed deep freeze.

The cold snapped me back to my senses as it froze the perspiration. I had to steady myself for a while and did manage to keep the Pop Tarts from a nasty visit. I had to go back in. My tools, on which my livelihood depended and were a considerable investment, were still inside Chez Merde. I told myself "Pull yourself together, man! It's only a little shit! You are tougher then a fat woman's crap! Go back in there and finish the job!"

Yes, I did go back in, replaced the cord, had the paperwork signed and left. I called my boss and told him I was stopping home to change into a clean uniform and explained why (he was a great boss as well as a great person). When I got home, I stripped in my garage and placed the uniform in a garbage bag and sprayed myself with an industrial disinfectant that the label claimed "kills HIV virus under laboratory conditions", redressed and went to my next job for the day.

I never had to go back to that house.

Sorry about the long post. No other way to describe it.

That's probably the most horrific story I've read in this entire thread and maybe the most horrific thing I've read in all of Zombie Squad. :shock:
Thanks...I think? LOL

I have another tale that is similar but not nearly as horrific as it is sad and funny at the same time.

If you folks want to hear it, that it is.
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We shall not sleep..."

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Re: strangest thing you have ever seen

Post by TheLastRifleMan » Mon Dec 07, 2009 7:56 pm

Meat N' Taters wrote:TheLastRifleMan - Dude...that was pretty grizzled. The sausage biscuit I just finished eating almost came back out to say hi to your Pop Tarts.
I feel your pain.

Thanks for the comment. I needed a good laugh and that did the trick!
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We shall not sleep..."

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Re: strangest thing you have ever seen

Post by Lionheart » Mon Dec 07, 2009 8:46 pm

TheLastRifleMan wrote:
Lionheart wrote:
TheLastRifleMan wrote:
razi wrote:I think Arch wins the strange shit award.
With oak leaf clusters! Indeed!

I have one experience in what I experienced had to do more with what I heard and smelled rather then what I saw. Let me explain:

I have a unique occupation, to say the least. I repair power wheel chairs and scooters for a company that manufactures and sells the latter. When they break down, I go to the customer's home and repair them as best I can. Sometimes these places of residence are not the cleanest or most sanitary places to find oneself. This situation was one of them.

This is the second company I have worked for in this capacity. The first company I worked for, and was later fired from, was a complete "home health care provider". They sold everything from adult diapers to bariatric (700 lbs. or greater capacity) hospital beds, you name it. Basically, if it had wheels and did not carry oxygen, I was the man.

One very cold February morning, my dispatcher/paperwork manager/village idiot sent me on a call to the north part of town to fix a hospital style powered bed. The only description of the problem was "not working", so I had to be ready for anything, which sometimes is impossible. So I load up my tools, whatever spare parts I think I will need and head out into 12 degree F weather to see what I can do.

The roads were miserable. Instead of 20 minutes of drive time, it takes me twice that, even the side streets were the consistency of oiled glass. I find the house (this is before mapquest and GPS navigation systems, so I became quite adroit at map reading), pull in and go up to the door.

At a glance, I knew I was going to be in for what Betty Davis described as a "bumpy ride". There was a narrow walk way through a solid wall of trash to the front door. Broken riding toys, bicycles, car parts (mostly broken and rusted), mountains of empty soda pop and pint bottles of cheap vodka combined with black plastic bags of decaying matter completely filling the enclosed porch from floor to ceiling. I knocked on the door and was answered by a voice screaming "Who is it?!" loudly and curtly. I answered and the only reply I got was the sound of at least four deadbolt locks being turned.

A women answered the door in a what may have been once a pale blue terry cloth bath robe with a purple track suit underneath. It took me a second to see her because my eyes began to instantly water from a) the 120 F wave of heat that smacked me as soon as she opened the door and b) the general miasma of odors that assailed me. A mix of old grease fires, marijuana, cigarettes, old urine, rotten food and as of yet undisposed diapers. It was all I could do to keep the two brown sugar cinnamon Pop tarts I ate for breakfast from coming up for a second go. The woman, who had to yell at the top of her tobacco damaged voice, because there were three TV's (in the same room) all tuned in to different channels and turned to maximum volume, told me what room the bed was in and lead the way.

This room contained as much clutter as the rest of the house with the exception of the bed, which contained a woman who weighed as much as the car I owned at the time. She was just flat out enormous, huge and asleep. Or so I assumed. I about to learn that what they say about what happens when you ASSUME something was quite true. I kicked a path through the clutter, pulled out what seemed about a ton of various household items from underneath the bed, flipped on my headlamp (an invaluable tool for working underneath beds), took a deep breath and dove in.

I had checked the had control that raised and lowered the head of the bead before I started to dig the tunnel through the refuse and found it to be dead. Several things could be the cause and I knew what to look for, so at least, I thought, this would be quick. I searched around and found the cause of the problem, a broken power supply cord. And easy fix for the most part. Just two screws, remove the old cord, feed the new one through, replace the screws and have the paper work signed. I thought my luck was changing and as soon as I thought this, it happened.

It was the smell that I became aware of first. We have all smelled it, weather it be our own solid bodily waste or that of someone else'. None of us like it, since it offends the olfactory sense like nothing else. This was by far the worst I have ever smelled, bearing in mind that as a child I lived part time on my grandparents dairy farm that was downwind from a pig farm. "Foul" does not come close. Putrid, a little closer. I can honestly say I have never smelled solid human waste that was so bad that it made me gag but here it was. For a second, I though I might have knocked over an unseen bed pan or the like. I could not trace the direction of the smell although the source was obvious. It was then the sound came.

Liquid yet solid. Like jello being pushed out a vacuum cleaner, combined with the hiss of a freshly opened carbonated beverage with an egg thrown against a wall for good measure. It kept on and on, seemingly never ending but with a pause notated by a slight c-flat note from a trumpet between each take. I knew what was happening but my brain did not want to acknowledge nor accept it.

And it was all taking place a mere 6 inches from my face, the thickness of a mattress.

I backed out of there faster then Charles Bronson in the "Great Escape" when the tunnel collapsed. The piles of unknown refuse now fell on me as I pushed myself out with my feet and hands, all the while on my back. I am sure I must have looked like some deranged mental patient who had gone off their meds and was in the midst of some kind of seizure. Those two Pop Tarts were now saying to me "we're coming back up for a look now", my eyes were burning and my sense of smell was trying to convince my taste buds to join the party. I made my way out of the bedroom and headed back out to the front door, headlamp projecting a dim beam as I made some lame comment about having to "get a part from the van" as I hurtled myself out into the blessed deep freeze.

The cold snapped me back to my senses as it froze the perspiration. I had to steady myself for a while and did manage to keep the Pop Tarts from a nasty visit. I had to go back in. My tools, on which my livelihood depended and were a considerable investment, were still inside Chez Merde. I told myself "Pull yourself together, man! It's only a little shit! You are tougher then a fat woman's crap! Go back in there and finish the job!"

Yes, I did go back in, replaced the cord, had the paperwork signed and left. I called my boss and told him I was stopping home to change into a clean uniform and explained why (he was a great boss as well as a great person). When I got home, I stripped in my garage and placed the uniform in a garbage bag and sprayed myself with an industrial disinfectant that the label claimed "kills HIV virus under laboratory conditions", redressed and went to my next job for the day.

I never had to go back to that house.

Sorry about the long post. No other way to describe it.

That's probably the most horrific story I've read in this entire thread and maybe the most horrific thing I've read in all of Zombie Squad. :shock:
Thanks...I think? LOL

I have another tale that is similar but not nearly as horrific as it is sad and funny at the same time.

If you folks want to hear it, that it is.

I'd like to hear it. :lol:
Pain or damage don't end the world. Or despair or fucking beatings. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man... and give some back.
Al Swearengen

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Re: strangest thing you have ever seen

Post by JCgoose » Mon Dec 07, 2009 9:31 pm

Same here
'You know, those principles of yours are going to get you killed'
'I rather thought that was the point of them' - Van Voytz to Gaunt
shrapnel wrote:Porn fixes everything. Except for compulsive masturbation.
Mr. E. Monkey wrote:Even though Goose is practically speaking a different language, I still think his posts make more sense.

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Re: strangest thing you have ever seen

Post by TheLastRifleMan » Mon Dec 07, 2009 10:02 pm

Ok, this is for Lionheart, et al.

:lol: Please make sure you have not eaten for at least 45 minutes before entering and reading this thread. :lol:

This occurred also when I was working for the company that fired me, the complete "home health care" company. I will not honor them by naming them.

My area of expertise is power wheel chairs, or more so, the repair and customizing of. I have been elbows deep in just about every make and model out there. I learned by good ol' OJT and a couple of manufacturer's training courses but mostly by taking the things apart and figuring out how they go back together and what makes them tick. This is not related to the story I am about to tell but gives some background as to why I was where I was.

As usual, my dispatcher/department secretary/paperwork misplacer sent me out on another "mission" as he liked to call them. This time, it was a power wheel chair that belonged to a client who was being cared for in a nursing home. I had been to this nursing home several times since the company had customer's living there.

I hated this place with a malice so malignant everyone in the company knew about it. Every time I went there it was a major battle with the staff, the customer or both over who was to pay for the repairs, types of modifications, on and on and on. Also, while it looked clean, it was not. The odors of rot, bodily wastes and unwashed beds, linens and clothing permeated the halls. Patients sat in manual wheelchairs in the hallways, pleading for help that was hours or days in coming. My boss at the time hated the place as well since it would take up to a year for them to pay us at times. The other "repair tech" I worked with had seniority and also did not like this facility, so I was "elected" to go. At least this time, I had a detailed list of problems with the unit, and had the parts in stock. I loaded up and off I went.

I arrived at the facility and loaded my tool box, clip board and parts onto a small four wheel cart that folded up for storage in my van. The receptionist, who reminded me of June Cleaver, right down to the pearls, led me from what I called the "public viewing section" to the resident's room. I walked up to the nurse' station to ask how I might find the client's room, since my dispatcher, as per usual, had not procured a room number in his information (he would often forget such things as clients last names, phone numbers, etc. when giving me information for service calls). My polite question then started a revolution that is still resounding between this facility and my former employer.

The nurse at the desk looked like Julia Child if she had taken massive amounts of steroids. This woman must have stood 6'5" and weighed 265 easily, with only 15% body fat. Behind her were two very frightened "nursing assistants", the facility's PC term for "indentured servant". These poor 20 year old recent nursing program grads avoided eye contact with any living creature, especially Nurse Amazon Queen.

"What do you want?" she asked me. I told her I was there to repair Mr. S...'s wheel chair and asked where I could find it.

"'Bout damn time. Stay right here." she ordered. I froze in place. This woman not only outweighed me by at least 40 lbs, that 40 lbs was muscle, I was sure. I had an image of her in the back of my mind, grappling a horse around it's neck and body slamming the horse to the ground. It was not a pretty image. She turned to one of the "assistants" and I swear she snapped her fingers and pointed down the hall. I swear it! The poor girl took off like a hunter persued rabbit, a pale blue blur topped with dishwater blond hair.

I let my attention wander, perhaps a bit too much. Before I knew it, the rabbit had returned with a present for me, albeit one she did not want to give me. I saw the look in her big, dark brown eyes, the look that screamed RUN! I looked down at the power chair and saw why.

This particular model of power chair is black in color normally. The seat and back are heavy duty nylon, black in color. The frame and other parts, except for the wheels, are powder coated a glossy black. Even the battery box is a black, acid proof plastic. The only items that are not black are the wheels, which are light gray in color. Usually, a simple, yet elegant, design of machine.

Not this particular unit. I could not tell what color it may have been, since now it was covered in a dark, fresh earth brown lumpy substance that was fading to a putrid kahki around the edges. It was all over this machine, not just on the seat but dripping like dirt icicles into the wheels and electronic components of the machine. It looked as though some one or something had stood about three feet away and used a Wagner Power Painter from Hell to cover this machine. And the stench. Unreal. Great Gods of Vahalla, Olympus and Hell, the smell! The second poor girl slave turned away, a cloth over her nose and mouth. The other girl stood behind the filthy machine she had brought forth like a young doe, catching an evil sent on the wind, unsure weather to run or stay.

I told the Amazon that I could not work on this machine. She just glared at me. Hard. I must choose my next words carefully, I told myself, or she will bite my face off. She still glared. I explained I could not work on the machine due to the fact her resident must have had a recent bout of explosive diahrrea on it and, under the contract the facility had with the resident, the facility was responsible for keeping the power equipment clean. She stepped back, crossed her arms across her massive chest and told me with a half smirk on here face:

"You clean it."

There are certain phrases that will set most people off, like lighting a very short fuse on a bomb. Calling someone a racial slur, or questioning their ancestry. Those type of phrases. I then used the one that is probably in the top ten, if not in the twenties:

"Not My Job."

I said it in my best Mr. Spock monotone voice, looking her straight in the eyes. I thought about how they say a human can stare down any of the lower animals and win. Force of will, strength of mind, I told myself. Keep your mind going, since there is a sinister intelligence at work behind that brawn! Above all things, stand your ground and don't give an inch!

I was then subjected to a tongue lashing of epic proportions. The poor girls were now nowhere to be seen, hiding in some carefully hidden warren somewhere. The screaming went on for about a minute solid. Amazon nurse then proceeded to tell me what I was going to do and how I was going to do it, and if I did not comply immediately, she was going to call my supervisor and report me.

It was then I had a flash of genius. Most people never experience one of these in their lifetime. Those that do cherish them forever. I am one of those lucky, lucky people.

No sooner then those words passed her angry maw, I reached down and pulled the Nextel cell phone from my belt. As I did so, I pushed the button for the two way call set up. I had set this phone set up so the first person I could contact was my boss. I heard the familiar double chirp tone and held it out to her.

"Here ya go!" I told her.

It shut her up like a power line had been cut. Her mouth just fluttered, no sound coming fourth. I could hear my boss' voice coming fourth from the phone and since Giganta was now tongue tied, I told my boss I had hit the wrong number, turned and walked out.

When I got back outside, I called my boss once more and explained what happened. He said he would back me 100% (he was true to his word on this one) and to go on with my day.

The facility had one of their maintanance people take the chair out to clean it. They sprayed it with a power washer without disconnecting the batteries, causing over $3000.00 in damages to every electronic part on the chair.

True tale. How could I make up something like that?
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Re: strangest thing you have ever seen

Post by JCgoose » Mon Dec 07, 2009 10:22 pm

that was fuked up...horrbile images in my head :shock:

got any more?
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Re: strangest thing you have ever seen

Post by Lionheart » Mon Dec 07, 2009 11:42 pm

TheLastRifleMan wrote:Ok, this is for Lionheart, et al.

:lol: Please make sure you have not eaten for at least 45 minutes before entering and reading this thread. :lol:

This occurred also when I was working for the company that fired me, the complete "home health care" company. I will not honor them by naming them.

My area of expertise is power wheel chairs, or more so, the repair and customizing of. I have been elbows deep in just about every make and model out there. I learned by good ol' OJT and a couple of manufacturer's training courses but mostly by taking the things apart and figuring out how they go back together and what makes them tick. This is not related to the story I am about to tell but gives some background as to why I was where I was.

As usual, my dispatcher/department secretary/paperwork misplacer sent me out on another "mission" as he liked to call them. This time, it was a power wheel chair that belonged to a client who was being cared for in a nursing home. I had been to this nursing home several times since the company had customer's living there.

I hated this place with a malice so malignant everyone in the company knew about it. Every time I went there it was a major battle with the staff, the customer or both over who was to pay for the repairs, types of modifications, on and on and on. Also, while it looked clean, it was not. The odors of rot, bodily wastes and unwashed beds, linens and clothing permeated the halls. Patients sat in manual wheelchairs in the hallways, pleading for help that was hours or days in coming. My boss at the time hated the place as well since it would take up to a year for them to pay us at times. The other "repair tech" I worked with had seniority and also did not like this facility, so I was "elected" to go. At least this time, I had a detailed list of problems with the unit, and had the parts in stock. I loaded up and off I went.

I arrived at the facility and loaded my tool box, clip board and parts onto a small four wheel cart that folded up for storage in my van. The receptionist, who reminded me of June Cleaver, right down to the pearls, led me from what I called the "public viewing section" to the resident's room. I walked up to the nurse' station to ask how I might find the client's room, since my dispatcher, as per usual, had not procured a room number in his information (he would often forget such things as clients last names, phone numbers, etc. when giving me information for service calls). My polite question then started a revolution that is still resounding between this facility and my former employer.

The nurse at the desk looked like Julia Child if she had taken massive amounts of steroids. This woman must have stood 6'5" and weighed 265 easily, with only 15% body fat. Behind her were two very frightened "nursing assistants", the facility's PC term for "indentured servant". These poor 20 year old recent nursing program grads avoided eye contact with any living creature, especially Nurse Amazon Queen.

"What do you want?" she asked me. I told her I was there to repair Mr. S...'s wheel chair and asked where I could find it.

"'Bout damn time. Stay right here." she ordered. I froze in place. This woman not only outweighed me by at least 40 lbs, that 40 lbs was muscle, I was sure. I had an image of her in the back of my mind, grappling a horse around it's neck and body slamming the horse to the ground. It was not a pretty image. She turned to one of the "assistants" and I swear she snapped her fingers and pointed down the hall. I swear it! The poor girl took off like a hunter persued rabbit, a pale blue blur topped with dishwater blond hair.

I let my attention wander, perhaps a bit too much. Before I knew it, the rabbit had returned with a present for me, albeit one she did not want to give me. I saw the look in her big, dark brown eyes, the look that screamed RUN! I looked down at the power chair and saw why.

This particular model of power chair is black in color normally. The seat and back are heavy duty nylon, black in color. The frame and other parts, except for the wheels, are powder coated a glossy black. Even the battery box is a black, acid proof plastic. The only items that are not black are the wheels, which are light gray in color. Usually, a simple, yet elegant, design of machine.

Not this particular unit. I could not tell what color it may have been, since now it was covered in a dark, fresh earth brown lumpy substance that was fading to a putrid kahki around the edges. It was all over this machine, not just on the seat but dripping like dirt icicles into the wheels and electronic components of the machine. It looked as though some one or something had stood about three feet away and used a Wagner Power Painter from Hell to cover this machine. And the stench. Unreal. Great Gods of Vahalla, Olympus and Hell, the smell! The second poor girl slave turned away, a cloth over her nose and mouth. The other girl stood behind the filthy machine she had brought forth like a young doe, catching an evil sent on the wind, unsure weather to run or stay.

I told the Amazon that I could not work on this machine. She just glared at me. Hard. I must choose my next words carefully, I told myself, or she will bite my face off. She still glared. I explained I could not work on the machine due to the fact her resident must have had a recent bout of explosive diahrrea on it and, under the contract the facility had with the resident, the facility was responsible for keeping the power equipment clean. She stepped back, crossed her arms across her massive chest and told me with a half smirk on here face:

"You clean it."

There are certain phrases that will set most people off, like lighting a very short fuse on a bomb. Calling someone a racial slur, or questioning their ancestry. Those type of phrases. I then used the one that is probably in the top ten, if not in the twenties:

"Not My Job."

I said it in my best Mr. Spock monotone voice, looking her straight in the eyes. I thought about how they say a human can stare down any of the lower animals and win. Force of will, strength of mind, I told myself. Keep your mind going, since there is a sinister intelligence at work behind that brawn! Above all things, stand your ground and don't give an inch!

I was then subjected to a tongue lashing of epic proportions. The poor girls were now nowhere to be seen, hiding in some carefully hidden warren somewhere. The screaming went on for about a minute solid. Amazon nurse then proceeded to tell me what I was going to do and how I was going to do it, and if I did not comply immediately, she was going to call my supervisor and report me.

It was then I had a flash of genius. Most people never experience one of these in their lifetime. Those that do cherish them forever. I am one of those lucky, lucky people.

No sooner then those words passed her angry maw, I reached down and pulled the Nextel cell phone from my belt. As I did so, I pushed the button for the two way call set up. I had set this phone set up so the first person I could contact was my boss. I heard the familiar double chirp tone and held it out to her.

"Here ya go!" I told her.

It shut her up like a power line had been cut. Her mouth just fluttered, no sound coming fourth. I could hear my boss' voice coming fourth from the phone and since Giganta was now tongue tied, I told my boss I had hit the wrong number, turned and walked out.

When I got back outside, I called my boss once more and explained what happened. He said he would back me 100% (he was true to his word on this one) and to go on with my day.

The facility had one of their maintanance people take the chair out to clean it. They sprayed it with a power washer without disconnecting the batteries, causing over $3000.00 in damages to every electronic part on the chair.

True tale. How could I make up something like that?

I'm honored that this tale was for me. :lol: That must have been a terrible day on the job but hey at least you didn't have to clean it.
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Re: strangest thing you have ever seen

Post by Meat N' Taters » Tue Dec 08, 2009 8:35 am

TheLastRifleMan - I knew better this time! I waited until after reading to make my bagel.

Epic stories, man! I have a mental image of a huge Bea Arthur-looking nurse standing next to that hellishly soiled wheelchair. :shock:

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Re: strangest thing you have ever seen

Post by Bearcat » Tue Dec 08, 2009 10:09 am

Meat N' Taters wrote:TheLastRifleMan - I knew better this time! I waited until after reading to make my bagel.

Epic stories, man! I have a mental image of a huge Bea Arthur-looking nurse standing next to that hellishly soiled wheelchair. :shock:
Holy shit! I just had a bagel!
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Re: strangest thing you have ever seen

Post by Meat N' Taters » Tue Dec 08, 2009 10:12 am

Bearcat wrote:
Meat N' Taters wrote:TheLastRifleMan - I knew better this time! I waited until after reading to make my bagel.

Epic stories, man! I have a mental image of a huge Bea Arthur-looking nurse standing next to that hellishly soiled wheelchair. :shock:
Holy shit! I just had a bagel!
Bagels FTW! I put garden veggie cream cheese on mine. :D

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Re: strangest thing you have ever seen

Post by Bearcat » Tue Dec 08, 2009 10:14 am

Meat N' Taters wrote:
Bearcat wrote:
Meat N' Taters wrote:TheLastRifleMan - I knew better this time! I waited until after reading to make my bagel.

Epic stories, man! I have a mental image of a huge Bea Arthur-looking nurse standing next to that hellishly soiled wheelchair. :shock:
Holy shit! I just had a bagel!
Bagels FTW! I put garden veggie cream cheese on mine. :D
Philly cream on one side for me, butter on the other.
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Re: strangest thing you have ever seen

Post by Vicarious_Lee » Tue Dec 08, 2009 11:29 am

MOAR, Rifleman! MOAR!

For YEARS I have wondered what happens to the people and equipment that I send "home", and what kind of squalor and abuse it is subjected to.
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Re: strangest thing you have ever seen

Post by Samurai Penguin » Tue Dec 08, 2009 12:55 pm

Damn. I was going to post about the time I saw a rainbow in the dark*, but it seems almost pointless after the epic tales to date. :?


* No, it had nothing to do with recreational substances!
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Re: strangest thing you have ever seen

Post by USMCSergeant » Tue Dec 08, 2009 12:57 pm

LOFL at the Bea Arthur comment, exactly what I was thinking. TheLastRifleMan, I know you're a gifted mechanic on these simply designed machines.. but have you ever considered writing? I think you have a gift my friend.
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Re: strangest thing you have ever seen

Post by Finch » Tue Dec 08, 2009 1:06 pm

soo much poo
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Re: strangest thing you have ever seen

Post by TheLastRifleMan » Tue Dec 08, 2009 7:50 pm

USMCSergeant wrote:LOFL at the Bea Arthur comment, exactly what I was thinking. TheLastRifleMan, I know you're a gifted mechanic on these simply designed machines.. but have you ever considered writing? I think you have a gift my friend.

I have, actually, and thanks! I do try!

Sometimes they are not so simple. Especially when you have machine with multiple actuators that tilt the seat or recline the back, raise or lower the foot rests with a toggle switch or a press of a button. Diagnosing those can be a trick.

The most complex unit I ever worked on was a $30,000 chair that not only reclined, tilted, raised and lowered the seat but would actually put the user from a sitting position into a standing one.

Sorry to get this topic off track. I should know better!
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Re: strangest thing you have ever seen

Post by TheLastRifleMan » Tue Dec 08, 2009 7:57 pm

Lionheart wrote:
TheLastRifleMan wrote:Ok, this is for Lionheart, et al.

:lol: Please make sure you have not eaten for at least 45 minutes before entering and reading this thread. :lol:

This occurred also when I was working for the company that fired me, the complete "home health care" company. I will not honor them by naming them.

My area of expertise is power wheel chairs, or more so, the repair and customizing of. I have been elbows deep in just about every make and model out there. I learned by good ol' OJT and a couple of manufacturer's training courses but mostly by taking the things apart and figuring out how they go back together and what makes them tick. This is not related to the story I am about to tell but gives some background as to why I was where I was.

As usual, my dispatcher/department secretary/paperwork misplacer sent me out on another "mission" as he liked to call them. This time, it was a power wheel chair that belonged to a client who was being cared for in a nursing home. I had been to this nursing home several times since the company had customer's living there.

I hated this place with a malice so malignant everyone in the company knew about it. Every time I went there it was a major battle with the staff, the customer or both over who was to pay for the repairs, types of modifications, on and on and on. Also, while it looked clean, it was not. The odors of rot, bodily wastes and unwashed beds, linens and clothing permeated the halls. Patients sat in manual wheelchairs in the hallways, pleading for help that was hours or days in coming. My boss at the time hated the place as well since it would take up to a year for them to pay us at times. The other "repair tech" I worked with had seniority and also did not like this facility, so I was "elected" to go. At least this time, I had a detailed list of problems with the unit, and had the parts in stock. I loaded up and off I went.

I arrived at the facility and loaded my tool box, clip board and parts onto a small four wheel cart that folded up for storage in my van. The receptionist, who reminded me of June Cleaver, right down to the pearls, led me from what I called the "public viewing section" to the resident's room. I walked up to the nurse' station to ask how I might find the client's room, since my dispatcher, as per usual, had not procured a room number in his information (he would often forget such things as clients last names, phone numbers, etc. when giving me information for service calls). My polite question then started a revolution that is still resounding between this facility and my former employer.

The nurse at the desk looked like Julia Child if she had taken massive amounts of steroids. This woman must have stood 6'5" and weighed 265 easily, with only 15% body fat. Behind her were two very frightened "nursing assistants", the facility's PC term for "indentured servant". These poor 20 year old recent nursing program grads avoided eye contact with any living creature, especially Nurse Amazon Queen.

"What do you want?" she asked me. I told her I was there to repair Mr. S...'s wheel chair and asked where I could find it.

"'Bout damn time. Stay right here." she ordered. I froze in place. This woman not only outweighed me by at least 40 lbs, that 40 lbs was muscle, I was sure. I had an image of her in the back of my mind, grappling a horse around it's neck and body slamming the horse to the ground. It was not a pretty image. She turned to one of the "assistants" and I swear she snapped her fingers and pointed down the hall. I swear it! The poor girl took off like a hunter persued rabbit, a pale blue blur topped with dishwater blond hair.

I let my attention wander, perhaps a bit too much. Before I knew it, the rabbit had returned with a present for me, albeit one she did not want to give me. I saw the look in her big, dark brown eyes, the look that screamed RUN! I looked down at the power chair and saw why.

This particular model of power chair is black in color normally. The seat and back are heavy duty nylon, black in color. The frame and other parts, except for the wheels, are powder coated a glossy black. Even the battery box is a black, acid proof plastic. The only items that are not black are the wheels, which are light gray in color. Usually, a simple, yet elegant, design of machine.

Not this particular unit. I could not tell what color it may have been, since now it was covered in a dark, fresh earth brown lumpy substance that was fading to a putrid kahki around the edges. It was all over this machine, not just on the seat but dripping like dirt icicles into the wheels and electronic components of the machine. It looked as though some one or something had stood about three feet away and used a Wagner Power Painter from Hell to cover this machine. And the stench. Unreal. Great Gods of Vahalla, Olympus and Hell, the smell! The second poor girl slave turned away, a cloth over her nose and mouth. The other girl stood behind the filthy machine she had brought forth like a young doe, catching an evil sent on the wind, unsure weather to run or stay.

I told the Amazon that I could not work on this machine. She just glared at me. Hard. I must choose my next words carefully, I told myself, or she will bite my face off. She still glared. I explained I could not work on the machine due to the fact her resident must have had a recent bout of explosive diahrrea on it and, under the contract the facility had with the resident, the facility was responsible for keeping the power equipment clean. She stepped back, crossed her arms across her massive chest and told me with a half smirk on here face:

"You clean it."

There are certain phrases that will set most people off, like lighting a very short fuse on a bomb. Calling someone a racial slur, or questioning their ancestry. Those type of phrases. I then used the one that is probably in the top ten, if not in the twenties:

"Not My Job."

I said it in my best Mr. Spock monotone voice, looking her straight in the eyes. I thought about how they say a human can stare down any of the lower animals and win. Force of will, strength of mind, I told myself. Keep your mind going, since there is a sinister intelligence at work behind that brawn! Above all things, stand your ground and don't give an inch!

I was then subjected to a tongue lashing of epic proportions. The poor girls were now nowhere to be seen, hiding in some carefully hidden warren somewhere. The screaming went on for about a minute solid. Amazon nurse then proceeded to tell me what I was going to do and how I was going to do it, and if I did not comply immediately, she was going to call my supervisor and report me.

It was then I had a flash of genius. Most people never experience one of these in their lifetime. Those that do cherish them forever. I am one of those lucky, lucky people.

No sooner then those words passed her angry maw, I reached down and pulled the Nextel cell phone from my belt. As I did so, I pushed the button for the two way call set up. I had set this phone set up so the first person I could contact was my boss. I heard the familiar double chirp tone and held it out to her.

"Here ya go!" I told her.

It shut her up like a power line had been cut. Her mouth just fluttered, no sound coming fourth. I could hear my boss' voice coming fourth from the phone and since Giganta was now tongue tied, I told my boss I had hit the wrong number, turned and walked out.

When I got back outside, I called my boss once more and explained what happened. He said he would back me 100% (he was true to his word on this one) and to go on with my day.

The facility had one of their maintanance people take the chair out to clean it. They sprayed it with a power washer without disconnecting the batteries, causing over $3000.00 in damages to every electronic part on the chair.

True tale. How could I make up something like that?

I'm honored that this tale was for me. :lol: That must have been a terrible day on the job but hey at least you didn't have to clean it.
Thanks, and I have had worse days. Those two were the most memorable.

Samurai Penguin, I want to hear that one! Sounds very interesting!
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Re: strangest thing you have ever seen

Post by Oneswunk » Tue Dec 08, 2009 8:38 pm

Man I just ate a chocolate pudding cup.
KEEPER OF THE MEATWORLD SPICEWEASEL.
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Re: strangest thing you have ever seen

Post by Meat N' Taters » Tue Dec 08, 2009 8:40 pm

Oneswunk wrote:Man I just ate a chocolate pudding cup.
Dammit! Yet another delicious thing I can't eat right now.

I want some tapioca pudding.

OT: I once saw a man at a bar buy a bunch of drinks for a transvestite, not knowing that she was a he.

ETA: No, it wasn't me.

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