Well, it been a while since I posted in here so I figure I will relay a incident that happened over the weekend.
The missus and I were in the local Wallmart gettin some groceries and other assorted nessesities (ammo, TP, and dvds), when I noticed that we were being followed by a middle aged fella and his 'woman' ( coulda fooled me, I figured it was sasquatch 'til it opened its mouth). Both were dressed in what my family humorisly refers to as 'hippy chic' ( both my folks are the black sheep of their familys as they went to woodstock and wore tie dye
). I watched the two idiots follow us for about half of the food section, and then spun around and asked 'em if they needed help. The response I got was priceless.
Hippy: 'Uhhhhhh, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE WEARING THAT THING
IN THIS STORE!!!
Me: What thing
are you refering to?
Hippy: That GUN! Who the hell do you think you are! How DARE you intimidate and harass other shoppers in this store! Whats the matter is your penis so small that you need to compensate?!
Me: Ummm, I carry everywhere I am allowed by law....... I feel the need to state on record that your interest in my genitals is more than slightly disconcerting...
Hippy: Well thats why isn't it?! All you inbred redneck white trash gun toting pussys feel the need for a gun because you have small penises!
Me: I have to ask, why were you following my wife and I around the store?
Hippy: Because if you made any sudden moves I was gonna take you out with the hand to hand training I recieved in Nam!
Hippys Wife (Sasquatch) Thats right! My husband was a green beret in the war! Inbred trash like you don't understand what his generation went through so you could strut around like a little cock with your big bad gun, killing little helpless animals and stuff!
My Wife: Honey, be nice.......
Me: Holy shit! Thats a WOMAN?
My Wife: ( slaps the back of my head) BE NICE!
Hippy: What, just because you have a tiny package you think you can smack talk my wife?!!
Me: (at the top of my lungs) I NEED AN ADULT, HELP!!! THE SCARY HIPPY IS TALKING ABOUT MY PRIVATES!!!!!!!
My Wife: Fer cryin out loud..... Can't I take you ANYWHERE?
Hippy: uhhhhh..... What?
Security guy: Whats going on here?
Me: The scary hippy and the sasquatch are talking about my penis and threatening my wife and I! I am in fear that I may be violated by a sasquatch! Make them leave me alone!
Security Guy: Awww hell, you again?
Me: Hi Bob.
Security Guy: Folks, Mr. Simmons is a regular customer.
Hippy: But you don't understand he has a Gu...
Security Guy: No I dont need to know that he has a gun, he probably has a couple on him.
Hippy: You need to make him lea.....
Security Guy: No I will not remove him.
Hippy: But he is intimidating and harassing other shoppers in this store!
Security Guy: LISTEN ASSHOLE THE ONLY ONE DISTURBING CUSTOMERS IS YOU!
Security Guy: Leave now or I will call the cops.
Me: Thanks Bob. By the way, you gonna be out at the Casa Grande range this week?
Security Guy: Maybe, oh and Justin? the next time you start yelling about your danglies in my store I am gonna have your wife kick your ass. Feel me?
Me: Sure thing Bob.
My Wife: (looks at me) You are such a asshole. ( starts laughing) Can't you at least try to be nice?
Me: I didn't cuss or threaten did I?
My Wife: I knew I shouldn't have let you meet my family......
Gotta love stores that know who you on are sight huh?
At least I got my ammo and my favorite hot pockets...