CADET

Zombie or Post Apocalyptic themed fiction/stories.

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Svothe
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CADET

Post by Svothe » Sat Apr 21, 2012 4:24 pm

Little bit of Fiction - I know its not particularly 'ZOMBIE APOC' yet, but give it time. This bit is more the Prologue too the end story. But give it time, I'll try and keep it updated with the new continuing more zombie-involved pages as they get written. In quotes. Just so you can see what's what.
CHAPTER 1 - The Contact wrote: Bang, bang bang the noise of rounds being fired off broke through the silence. Instinctively I bring the weapon up into my shoulder before letting loose a few rounds in the direction of the gun fire. Pushing hard into my boots I dash forward hoping to be able to reach cover before rounds start coming down around me. Raising my rifle up to stop it being thrown into the dirt I leap forward onto the ground. The enemy will have seen where I dropped so I grasping my rifle I wriggle and crawl in the grass in the hope I can get out of their line of sight. More rounds still going off around me I poke my head above the little grass cover I have and glance to either side. I can see the men have dropped to the ground around me and have already started putting some decent fire down onto the enemy. It’s my job now to take control of the situation, get my men moving and kill the enemy.

I scream out my fire control order “SECTION, 200 METRES, CENTRE OF WOODLINE, RAAAPID FIRE” and listen to the sudden eruption of gun fire as the rest of the section starts to get their rounds on target. I give the command for my second In-charge to take over fire control and tell Charlie fire team to prepare to move. Quickly applying my safety catch I push off the dirt and run forward while calling out “MOVE!” looking quickly over to my right I see the rest of Charlie rushing forward with me. Any more than 2 to 3 seconds of being exposed in the open is asking to draw fire so I quickly throw myself back down into the dirt. As soon as my elbows hit the grass my finger shot to the safety catch and flicked it off as the sound of gun fire once again started up.

As expected delta fire team was soon on our tails; making their way across open ground to the left of us while our own fire made sure that the enemy kept their heads down. No movement without fire, I remember what they’d taught me at basic and it struck true here in the field. Those seemingly simple ideas were the difference between life or death out here in the field. I mean sure we were at Waterbeach Barracks training area, and we were only Army Cadets but in the heads of every man on the exercise we were hardened soldiers and as some of our adult instructors would call us ‘Steely-eyed killers.’

Ok so we were firing blank ammunition, and the weapons were fitted with blank firing attachments to prevent anything coming out of the barrel or anyone getting hurt but they were real weapons; the L98A2 Cadet GP to be exact and although it looked virtually identical to the British Army’s SA80 the cadet force in its great intelligence had removed the change lever. Meaning that the weapon could only ever be fired Semi-Automatic not in Fully-Auto like a lot of the ‘COD’ loving cadets would much prefer. Anyway, none of that’s important because in our heads, the one place it truly mattered we all knew we were the real thing, the dogs bollocks, real army soldiers.

I give the command “POP SMOKE” and see the instructor standing behind our section hurl a smoke grenade towards the tree line in front of us. Using the smoke as cover I stand up, running to my right I call out for Charlie fire team to follow me. Sprinting now, I can feel my webbing shaking and bashing into my butt with every running step. I burst out of the smoke cloud and dash the last 10 or so metres into the woods adjoining the enemies position. Stopping a moment to get my breath back I take a knee as the remainder of the fire team come sprinting through the now clearing fog behind me and into cover.

Stacking up alongside each other I listen as I hear each man pat the next to confirm that they are here until the signal reaches me and a quiet “Last man in corporal” is whispered from the man behind me. Moving as quietly as possible I stand up and start to walk off. Each time my foot hits the ground it lands heel first, the rest of my foot being gently rolled down onto the leaves and bracken making minimal noise. Senses heightened as my eyes glance nervously around the various ferns and logs littering the forest floor; looking out for any sign, any indication whatsoever of the enemies presence.
It feels as if we’re crawling along but it doesn’t take long before I start to pick out the flash of the enemies weapons straight in front of us. It couldn’t be any more than 40 or so metres away, my hand glides noiselessly and effortlessly to my PRR easing the Push-To-Talk button down as I give the command to “Switch Fire, Over” down the mic.

I hear the short crackle of radio interference before a clear “Roger, Out” This made it safe for me and the rest of Charlie fire team to enter the enemy position as now the guys providing fire support were aiming off to the left hand side of the target. Giving the illusion that the enemy was still under fire but without the risk of hitting any friendly’s.
Now with the knowledge that the position was safe to attack I instructed my tail-end Charlie, Cadet Farmery and Cadet Ditton to stand fast, giving covering fire should we get contacted before we’re ready to attack the position and watch out for any enemy in depth (more enemy positions behind this one, or enemy moving in to reinforce the position we’re assaulting). After receiving the nod from them I lead off, again staying low and moving as quietly as possible as we edge closer and closer towards the enemy position.

Hearing the muffled talking of the enemy and seeing them now, their weapons protruding out through the long grass and aimed in at where they contacted our patrol. I lowered myself down onto my belt buckle and started to kitten crawl through the undergrowth towards them. Reaching forward each time with my fingers and dragging myself through the dirt. I can feel myself getting more paranoid with each little noise we make. Every stick snapping or leaf rustling knowing the enemy is so close by and could be listening, could be watching our every move.
I bring myself to a stop and raise my hand slightly to signal to the other members of Charlie fire team to stop too. Listening intently for any sign of foul play from the enemy, any indication whatsoever that they know where we are. But I hear nothing. Adrenaline coursing through my veins as my heart begins to race knowing we are so close to the enemy, so close to death should they know what we’re up to. A single bead of sweat formed on my forehead and rolled itself down to the end of my nose. I could feel the itch building up as it got heavier and then, drip.

As it dropped I throw my body into the air, weapon immediately in the shoulder both eyes open and staring at the enemy in front of me as they start to turn. Their faces filled with a mixture of confusion and surprise as I squeeze down on the trigger and let a round off. The remainder of my fire team rising up out of the grass behind me, the noise of empty casings pinging out of the rifle and the thunderous crack of the rounds going off so close to my head as we all empty five or six rounds into the two instructors in front of us. I pull the trigger again but the weapon fails to fire, looking over the weapon at the cocking handle it’s held back at the rear indicating an empty magazine so I loudly shout out “CHARGE!” as I run forwards into the enemy position. Stabbing the weapon forwards towards the adult instructors which are now playing dead while calling out “stick, twist, out” as each one of us pretends to bayonet the corpses of our AI’s.

Somewhat relieved I step back from the enemy position and allow the other guys to search the bodies for any useful information while I snatch the PRR off my chest and give the command to REORG, meaning re-group on me. Delta fire team jumps up out of their position in the long grass and starts to peel off following the exact route I took through the adjoining woods all the way to us. As each one came in I dropped them down and gave them arcs of fire, looking out for any enemy counter-attack.

We stayed there for no longer than a minute while my 2IC (Second In-Charge) went man to man checking for casualties and counting ammunition. I moved down into position beside the scout and gave him a tap on the shoulder to tell him to move off. He knew the way, we’d all been on this training area so many times we knew the place virtually inside out. Today we were lucky enough to be allowed to basha up in the ‘Afghanistan style’ Forward Operating Base 39Engineer had built alongside the runway. It only took us a few minutes to patrol out of the woodland and on to one of the side roads for the airfield.

I gave the signal for the section to get into staggered file and we spread ourselves out, Charlie fire team on the left hand side of the road, delta on the right giving us good arcs of fire in case we got contacted by the enemy as we made our way back to the FOB. As we came round the bend the camo-net covered hesco’s and the high watch towers silhouetted against the setting sun behind it, although quite harsh and military looking in contrast to the lush forest surrounding the lake and woods behind it, it did have a certain welcoming feeling too it and as the section wove around the chicane of Hesco’s and Sangars I couldn't help but think the place isn't particularly homely, but the security is welcoming. Just the knowledge that rather than standing ‘Stag’ sentry in a cold shell scrape, tonight I’d be able to do it in a watch tower looking out over the ground knowing that in here; I’m pretty much untouchable.
Hold on for more chapters/Pages of the story to come. Comment if you enjoy it or if you have any C&C.
More to Come...

Thanks,
Svothe
Last edited by Svothe on Sun Apr 22, 2012 7:16 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: CADET

Post by Svothe » Sat Apr 21, 2012 4:47 pm

Reserved for Chapter 2
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Re: CADET

Post by Svothe » Sat Apr 21, 2012 4:50 pm

Reserved for Chapter 3
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Re: CADET

Post by Rumsfeld » Sun Apr 22, 2012 1:55 am

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Last edited by Rumsfeld on Mon Apr 23, 2012 11:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: CADET

Post by Svothe » Sun Apr 22, 2012 7:28 am

Rumsfeld wrote:Svothe, I began reading your first post but could not finish it. Here are some things I want to tell you. I can tell that English is not your native language. That is not to say your English is bad but your work needs major editing and polishing. I'm not capable of teaching a foreigner the finer points of English since I find that native speakers have a hard time explaining grammar rules to foreigners but I will give you some suggestions.

-Write simple sentences. A lot of times people think that the more complex a sentence is, the better it is. I don't think that's the case.
-Avoid adverbs and adjectives.
-Don't write in passive voice, use active voice instead.
-Some of your sentences make sense, others don't. One reason is word order. I think focusing on using active voice will help you in this regard.

As far as the story goes, I can tell you understand a lot about weapons and military tactics. This is great, but so does every other writer. One thing I've noticed in almost all zombie/military fiction stories is that there are technical details on weapons and tactics. I want you be creative. Talk about something that is unique. A view point that few people write from. I know there is one fiction writer on this forum who writes from the prospective of a woman. This is brilliant in that most writers use the male military protagonist. I understand this is your strong point because your in the military (I'm basing this on your profile picture) but I want you bring something new to the table. Surprise me. Entertain me. This goes out to everyone. Do something no one has tried before. Then you will have me as a devoted reader.
I'm not going to lie, I'm British born and a British speaking native - The problem may infact be in that I'm shit at writing haha.
I get all of your points and will work on them for the next page, this part I have done some work on editing, fixed some word order errors and some sections that plain ol' didn't make sense so hopefully that will have made it all a bit more readable. I think I just sort of failed myself at proof reading this one and after re-reading it there was a number of areas that didn't quite fit or make absolute sense so I've tried to sort them out for you. With the Passive/Active voice I must admit I had to hop onto wikipedia to work out quite what you were saying but I think I've got the hang of what you mean and will try and change my writing style when writing the next bit. I'll try and mix it up a bit for you, see if I can't give it that touch of originality that will get you on board as a devoted reader. So please bare with me a little bit as I must admit I don't get a great deal of opportunities to write anything non-report based so it may take me a little bit to adjust. Other than that thank you very much for the constructive criticism much better than any plain old 'Its Ok' response and hopefully it will improve my writing a bit for the next one. If you can bare it, try and give it the full read now and tell me what you think.

Thanks,
Svothe
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Re: CADET

Post by Rumsfeld » Sun Apr 22, 2012 12:40 pm

***
Last edited by Rumsfeld on Mon Apr 23, 2012 11:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: CADET

Post by Svothe » Sun Apr 22, 2012 5:41 pm

There are sort of edits all over, just take off from where you left before I suppose but your choice really and heh yeah I've been on the east sovereign base area for the last few weeks with the TRB (Theatre Reserve Batt) http://www.army.mod.uk/infantry/regiments/7600.aspx I've read the LOTR series, although must admit not for a long long while. Will work on getting my head shoved into some books in my off-time got bought a stack of military novels about Afghanistan for christmas so will have to actually start reading them I suppose!

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Re: CADET

Post by Rumsfeld » Mon Apr 23, 2012 9:31 pm

You want me to post it on here or send you a PM for the edits?

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Re: CADET

Post by Svothe » Tue Apr 24, 2012 4:10 am

PM if you can :)
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Re: CADET

Post by jdavidboyd » Mon Feb 03, 2014 9:21 am

"before rounds start coming down around me."

Huh? If you're all shooting blanks, this doesn't happen
What's so funny 'bout peace, love, and understanding?

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Re: CADET

Post by jackorchuck » Sat Apr 05, 2014 10:14 pm

It would seem that this story is dead, that is a shame. This is an amateur writing site we dont and should not expect authors to demonstrate Pullitzer Prize winning skills. I enjoyed your intro and had no problem following your scenario.

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