Disintegration Loop

Zombie or Post Apocalyptic themed fiction/stories.

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Ghostdog914
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Disintegration Loop

Post by Ghostdog914 » Sat Dec 14, 2019 10:08 am

This is part of a class assignment. I had to write something and post it online. I hate to post in the same section as some truly gifted writers (Here's to you Ponyboy314, Tinderbox, doc66) but here it is. The bonus for all of you is whether or not it's good, it is complete.

……………………….

Life had never been easy. From growing up the dirty poor kid from a broken home, the awkwardness of being the super smart kid with a speech impediment, to the shyness and lack of self esteem all of it fostered, life had been hard.

Sure, there had been times when life didn’t hurt as bad, but everything returns to its base. A failed marriage, a dead-end career, children that didn’t understand the futility felt by their father. Life was hard when you don’t fit in, and despite what the artistic self-expressionist types might say, at the end of it all people just want to fit in.

The end of the world hadn’t made anything easier. The dead had risen, and it didn’t matter why in the end. There was pain, blood, and death. He had lost track of his children early in the collapse and assumed they were dead. Everyone else in the world except for him seemed to be, so why wouldn’t they be as well?

The days played on, each as the one before it. Trapped in a building, like a rat in a cage, the days rolled on. It was like life before, alone but not alone. There were people milling about, oblivious to him and his pain. They shuffled along outside the window, focused on things unknown, while he was the one decaying, just inside himself.

There had been people with him in the beginning when he first took shelter here, but like everyone else they had left him on his own. One night they fled, and the screams woke him from his sleep. They would rather risk the world outside than be with him.
The days rolled on. Eat because it was habit. Sit by the window but in the shadows. Watch the world moving on without him. He longed to belong to something, to be part of anything.

The days rolled on. He remembered past love, past joy. There were so little of both. He wondered if he had ever known love, being part of something bigger than himself. He had tried to give love, but the failures of his efforts haunted him. No one would let him in for long, and he felt their stares and laughter even now.

The days rolled on. He screamed in his head and wanted to yell his anguish to the world. He wanted to express his pain and frustration to someone or something. As before there was no one to listen or care, and he sat, his despair feeding on itself.

The days rolled on. He didn’t remember how long he had been here. He heard voices from before, from people he thought he loved. The memories brought more pain, more self-loathing. He sat in the dark and wept but didn’t know it.

The days rolled on. He had stopped eating from hunger, but only ate out of instinct. His friends outside were like that, so why not him? He watched them walk, watched them belong. They moved as a group, as a family, together in all they did. As before, he was the outcast, the one that was different.

The days rolled on. He stopped moving away from his seat in the window. The line between sleep and awake was blurred. He no longer knew if the voices were real and didn’t care. Time lost its meaning, day was night and night was day, and the dead continued.

The days rolled on. The world was beginning to gray, and he sat in the dark by the window smiling. He watched the world pass him by as it always had, and a single tear rolled down his face. He knew nothing except wanting to belong.

The days rolled on. He went to the window and looked out with gray eyes. He placed his hands on the window and watched the dead walk, belonging but still alone.
you're never out numbered its just a target rich environment

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91Eunozs
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Re: Disintegration Loop

Post by 91Eunozs » Sat Dec 14, 2019 11:58 am

Dark... nicely done, but damn!

Gonna have to watch a Care Bears movie and spend extra time with friends and family this weekend to balance out that gut-punch to my psyche! :lol:
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Ghostdog914
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Posts: 68
Joined: Fri Oct 20, 2006 6:17 pm
Favorite Zombie Movies: 28 Days later
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Re: Disintegration Loop

Post by Ghostdog914 » Sat Dec 14, 2019 7:47 pm

I appreciate the feedback.

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RingWraithsAnonymous
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Favorite Zombie Movies: 28 Days Later, Dawn of the Dead, World War Z
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Re: Disintegration Loop

Post by RingWraithsAnonymous » Sat Dec 14, 2019 11:31 pm

Depressing. Hopefully you'll write something else, cause that was nicely done.
If you think about it everybody lives in the same place: somewhere between the Empire of the Penguins, and the Kingdom of the Elves.

My Fiction on ZS:
a Price for Every Head
Dead Memories
the Bigger Monster
the Flesh Eaters
the Watcher

Ghostdog914
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Posts: 68
Joined: Fri Oct 20, 2006 6:17 pm
Favorite Zombie Movies: 28 Days later
Location: SE Missouri

Re: Disintegration Loop

Post by Ghostdog914 » Sun Dec 15, 2019 7:46 am

I may write something else. I struggle with dialogue, it always comes out clunky and forced. I was influenced more by things like To Build a Fire by Jack London and The Gunslinger by Stephen King. The rest of the Dark Tower was good as well, but the imagery in The Gunslinger really stuck with me. Go figure I'm also a fan of High Plains Drifter. I read stories on here and I'm just amazed at how well the characters talk to each other and I forget I'm reading something.

Surprisingly the hardest part about this was hitting the submit button. I'm guessing that was the goal of the assignment, opening the writer's work to anonymous scrutiny.

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KentuckyRifleman
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Re: Disintegration Loop

Post by KentuckyRifleman » Tue Jan 21, 2020 11:02 pm

Good stuff - keep it coming!
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