How to tell your girlfriend she is fat.

by **SuperBanki** » Tue Apr 24, 2012 8:40 pm

Note: I do not plan on telling anyone they are fat! The title was just to get people to look in here and make it easy for search results.

What I am really interested in is how you all have gone about convincing your S.O. into exercising. I have tried, but due to an abrasive personality trait I have in person I seemed to have gone about it the wrong way. Anyone have any suggestions?

by **hatchtrikk** » Tue Apr 24, 2012 8:43 pm

Invite her to workout with you.

by **black71label** » Tue Apr 24, 2012 8:46 pm

hatchtrikk wrote:Invite her to workout with you.

This is spot on advice. The only tactful way that I've been able to provide support to my wife is to commit to working out with her.

by **azrael99** » Tue Apr 24, 2012 8:50 pm

that the best answer. offer her to do exercise with you, jogging, cycling kayaking. all great exercise you can do both

by **duodecima** » Tue Apr 24, 2012 11:00 pm

And then, possibly, back off. I need to excercise, but being constantly bugged about it makes me pissed off and less likely to do it. Also, when I'm excercising regularly, lots of "suggestions" aout different/"better" things to do are also annoying. They have to find an activity/schedule that they like - you might hate it, but that's ok.

Important and helpful - make it a priority! Husband will watch kids, make dinner, etc. to give me time to excercise - this works. You can't want someone to go to the gym and then grouse that they didn't get something else done with that time.

by **goofygurl** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 3:00 am

duodecima wrote:And then, possibly, back off. I need to excercise, but being constantly bugged about it makes me pissed off and less likely to do it. Also, when I'm excercising regularly, lots of "suggestions" aout different/"better" things to do are also annoying. They have to find an activity/schedule that they like - you might hate it, but that's ok.

Important and helpful - make it a priority! Husband will watch kids, make dinner, etc. to give me time to excercise - this works. You can't want someone to go to the gym and then grouse that they didn't get something else done with that time.

^^^^^^ this.

by **Tater Raider** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 5:58 am

Go clothes shopping with them. When they ask you if something makes their butt look big say yes. Then get used to sleeping on the couch.

More serious answer: I wouldn't mess with it. That way lies madness and tears. If you have a specific, valid health concern then go for it from that angle but otherwise leave it alone.

by **Silent Kube** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 6:26 am

I'm fat myself but I'm still fairly active. My girlfriend on the other hand is in much worse shape but I'm working on her. My advice is to do what I did. Don't make it about the exercise. How about suggesting a nice romantic walk or bike ride? Do you have an Xbox? If so get a kinect for it. The games are fun and you can "trick" her into exercising without realizing it. Maybe in time find a secluded stream a good distance from the road and take her on a picnic there but she has to walk a ways to get there. The important thing is about having fun and not making it about exercising .

ETA: This method is slower than playing drill sergeant but on the plus side earns you major bf points for being more romantical.

by **the_alias** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 6:51 am

Steal their pies and run off with them.

Or more seriously, cook healthy food for them and volunteer to cook a lot.

by **aus.templar** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 7:00 am

"Hate running alone, I get bored... come for a jog so I've got someone to talk you, please?"

by **the_alias** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 7:12 am

Tater Raider wrote:
More serious answer: I wouldn't mess with it. That way lies madness and tears. If you have a specific, valid health concern then go for it from that angle but otherwise leave it alone.

You don't consider being overweight a valid health concern?

by **Fletch** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 7:13 am

"Hey Dad, you really like to drink and eat shitty food that makes you fat huh?"

"yes, yes I do"

"It's a shame you'll probably never meet your grandchildren hey?"

"what do you mean?"

"heart attack asshole, sort your shit out."

true story

by **Tater Raider** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 7:44 am

the_alias wrote:
Tater Raider wrote:More serious answer: I wouldn't mess with it. That way lies madness and tears. If you have a specific, valid health concern then go for it from that angle but otherwise leave it alone.

You don't consider being overweight a valid health concern?

It is a contributing factor in a lot of things, yes, absolutely and without reservation I'll say that. I'll even say my weight has created health issues for me. I'll go one further and say my best friend ate himself to death. But until someone has that shortness of breath because they are hauling around the extra weight (or they are having diabetic issues, or heart disease, or any of a number of health issues that spring from being your own land mass) then it's none of my business and even after that it's not my life, it's theirs and I'll voice concern and encourage them if they actually do something about it but that's all the further I'll go.

Type II diabetes is a valid health concern, carrying around an extra 10 pounds isn't, and "I'm fat" can be a matter of perception.

How off can that perception be?

So yeah, until there is a valid health concern and it's not just about the Freshman 15 and because I don't know the specifics here and it's part of a relationship on top of that I'm saying the title and the OP may not be related, I treated them as unrelated, and answered both according to the information I got - which was near enough so as not to matter no information at all. Therefore there may not be a valid health concern here.

In fact, this may be a personality issue. OP may want his girl more active while she is perfectly healthy just not as athletic as he. There is a lot missing here that's needed to give an intelligent answer beyond speaking in generalities.

This is the opinion of a guy that lost 30 pounds in the past year and has kept it off, hasn't yet met his target weight, and has set his target weight higher than the BMI says it should be because it's the right weight for him. It's worth every penny you paid for it, which is to say not a blessed thing.

On Topic: Talk to a professional if there is a genuine reason for concern. 2% over the BMI isn't a valid reason IMO, nor is "she doesn't ride bike with me like I do," or, "the real issue is that she could walk to work but drives". Just putting that out there for folk to think on.

by **Murph** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 7:54 am

The other side of the coin is if she eats ring-dings and ho-hos all day long, exercise will never make a difference.

A good diet is all about limiting your calorie intake. The best ways to do that are: eat better (low cal) foods, eat less food, intermittent fasting. No Southbeach or Akins bullshit.

If you start working out and dieting, and then looking good, everyone will notice (read: other chicks will notice) She'll either get with the program, or get worse. There are typically reasons why people get the way they do...

You need will power to make a positive change. Quitters are just taking the easy way out, and will always stay fat-bodies.

ETA: Quitters will also come up with all kinds of excuses.

by **Tater Raider** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 7:59 am

I'll buy that too, Murph.

I'm not being contrary just to be contrary. This is an issue that needs a lot more info if people are going to genuinely be helpful with though rather than give advice for what they think the situation is.

by **the_alias** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 8:11 am

To clarify...Being overweight = having a BMI of 25-30. This is a pretty well accepted standard most medical professionals use. Being in this category puts someone at more risk from a number of health related problems. No ifs, buts or maybes.

You make a very valid point though, OP's girlfriend could have a 'healthy' BMI and he and she and society might consider her 'fat'. Point taken!

Can she however benefit from being more active?

I'd place a large amount of money on: yes. Being less sedentary and more active is always better than doing nothing.

Anorexica/Bulimia is horrible, I speak as someone who has been privy to the stress and pain people go to when trying to deal with an anorexic relative. BUT it is a mental disease and condition NOT ON PAR at all with 95% of the people who are overweight.

by **DJH** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 8:17 am

BMI's are kind of BS tho. They don't take into account fat % to muscle ratio, just weight really.

I'd go more off of body fat percentage, especially if you can get access to a bodpod. The error ratio on the pods is 3% or so compared to 10% on the pinch tests.

Right now I'm sitting at about 23% body fat, I want to be at around 17% or so, and before I started hitting the gym I was about 28%. Then again, I sit here and think maybe 23% isn't so bad, might give me a little something in reserve when the calories start to get scarce. :mrgreen:

FYI I typically don't judge a person's conditioning by they way they look. For quite a while I looked great, but my cardio SUCKED. My lungs were screwed when I worked in a speed shop a few years back, I got lead fumes in them from the C-16 fuel. Been hitting the cardio machines in the gym and finally have my lung capacity back, and my heart thanks me too.

by **Tater Raider** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 8:20 am

the_alias wrote:To clarify...Being overweight = having a BMI of 25-30. This is a pretty well accepted standard most medical professionals use. Being in this category puts someone at more risk from a number of health related problems. No ifs, buts or maybes.

You make a very valid point though, OP's girlfriend could have a 'healthy' BMI and he and she and society might consider her 'fat'. Point taken!

Can she however benefit from being more active?

I'd place a large amount of money on: yes. Being less sedentary and more active is always better than doing nothing.

Anorexica/Bulimia is horrible, I speak as someone who has been privy to the stress and pain people go to when trying to deal with an anorexic relative. BUT it is a mental disease and condition NOT ON PAR at all with 95% of the people who are overweight.

I sincerely agree with every last word you said.

I'm bothered, I suppose, by the bait-and-switch in the topic and disturbed at the lack of information in the OP.

So I have questions for the OP:

How old is the girlfriend (20's, 30's, which decade - yes it's rude but it matters)?
What is the current activity level of both of you?
What are you looking to get out of this (weight loss, cardio, general fitness, a specific activity, etc.)?
Is this actually a relationship issue or is it really aobut fitness (be honest, I promise not to judge)?
What do you want out of all this?
Important: what does she want?

I think if ZS has details like this, the more the better, the better the quality of advice you will get.

by **tookieblueeyes** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 8:23 am

Ok... This is how I sort of "tricked" my S.O. into exercising with me...

I picked an activity I knew she would be interested in (camping) and I chose the area she would most like to go (San Isabel National Forest above Rye, Colorado) and I asked her if she would like to go "camping" there, of course, she said "yes"! When we got there and got camp set up and everything was done on the first afternoon I conceeded to letting it be a laid back evening around the fire with her kids and I... The next morning I started talking about how awesome it would be to take the trail that lead up past the treeline and see the whole of the surrounding state and mountains. The kids got excited about it (her son needed some excercise too actually) and she actually got into the idea and before long we were all out on the trail hiking up the mountain and by the time we were done everyone had gotten their workout for the week... From that point on I just kept bringing up trails that would serve as an excersize path as would the be beautiful to see and she would continue to go with me on these hikes, before long she was seeing the difference the exercise was making with her, she was dropping weight and she was able to walk longer distances with less discomfort and she had more stamina and she liked the changes that were happening and after that... she was diving head first into exercising, zumba, watching what she ate and spending more time in the outdoors.

I will admit, it wasn't an overnight change of mind, it took a couple of months, but it still worked.

You have to pick something she is into or something she would like doing with you and use that to start the horse running in the race otherwise she will never get out of the gate, know what I mean?

by **Tater Raider** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 8:29 am

DJH wrote:BMI's are kind of BS tho.

FTFY

A very, very blunt tool, but a tool that gets ya started.

by **the_alias** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 8:46 am

DJH wrote:BMI's are kind of BS tho. They don't take into account fat % to muscle ratio, just weight really.

Pretty sure this only skews it for pro athletes like Rugby players or American Football players.

by **DJH** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 9:14 am

the_alias wrote:
DJH wrote:BMI's are kind of BS tho. They don't take into account fat % to muscle ratio, just weight really.

Pretty sure this only skews it for pro athletes like Rugby players or American Football players.

It skews it for me. I've got a crapload of muscle mass (mostly lower body) but my BMI shows me to be rather overweight. I'm 6'1" and 270, again, with the 23% body fat. So yes, I am overwieght, but not as badly as my BMI suggests (33 something IIRC.)

Edit - back on topic... - Took, your method up there sounds great, and it's what I'm doing to get my GF in better shape. She looks fine, anorexic even (and most doctors will say so until they meet her father, who has the same body build. She's 6'2", he's 6'10" and both are rather skinny.) but her conditioning is not great. She trains horses, and claims that doing that is all she needs to stay in shape. I'm getting her out hiking with me more now, and we're working up to carrying the BOB's with us on hikes to get used to the weight & encumbrance.

I guess the key would be to find an activity that is exercise disguised as fun & romantic. lol

by **grennels** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 9:34 am

SuperBanki wrote:
What I am really interested in is how you all have gone about convincing your S.O. into exercising. I have tried, but due to an abrasive personality trait I have in person I seemed to have gone about it the wrong way. Anyone have any suggestions?

And now you are living in your own personal PAW. :lol:

by **SuperBanki** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 9:53 am

Thanks for the suggestions everyone. I'd like to point out it isn't just a 10 lb overweightness, or the "freshman 15", there is a serious medical concern for it. she is 5'7, and currently weighs 280. I talked to her a bit this morning and it looks like we will start off with walks around the neighborhood at night at first.